Can someone share their experience with hocd please

well i definitely have struggled with ocd for the majority of my life, it’s mostly about my orientation, i have ROCD and i’ve always wanted everything to be perfect yk? like ever since i was little everything had to be a certain way. i was in ballet for 13 years and around the age of 9 or 10 it was common to learn how to do your OWN ballet bun instead of having your mom do it for you yk.. so when it wasn’t perfect i would scream and throw things and cry and cry. when i was little i played with dolls a certain way too, i was obsessed with astrology for like 2-3 months one time i would obsess and obsess and only trust what my chart said about me and if it said something negative then i would feel like “well since it said that then i won’t be successful “ or stuff like that and believe it i’ve always done things a certain amount of times i guess and it’s definitely been worse the past 4-5 months i think? i’ve always been confused about my sexuality and feeling bad about it, i had a thing for only one girl last year and inside i always felt like it was “wrong” inside does that make sense? and so after that i’ve only dated guys, and i’m dating my boyfriend rn we’ve been together for about 4 months now and i love him and i’ve had a psychic tell me that i will end up with a husband and two girls, she’s the only person i’ve ever trusted that has been given the talent to see the future i knew her for most of my life and so back in january i touched this girl, it didn’t really make me happy a lot of negativity came out of it and i started yk questioning stuff then i dated my boyfriend in february, late february and it was all good until 2 months ago then i had this intrusive thought about this girl that i never liked at all and it was so distressing and annoying i told my boyfriend and he was supportive , i didn’t like her at all i don’t even talk to her anymore she was just a FRIEND. it was this random girl and the thought came into my mind that i liked her when i didn’t that’s why i got so upset then directly after that thought went away, then the thought “you’re gay break up with your boyfriend “ started and it’s been on repeat for 2 months now. and now i just feel like the thought won’t ever leave my mind i almost broke up with him the other day, i question if i even love him, if i’m attracted to him and even love him when i know i am. and when anyone asks me if i’m gay i get super nervous, my stomach drops and i just feel bad and then i overthink well like because i reacted that way then that means i am but i’m doing better!

i totally understand does it sound like i’m gay???? but listen, your husband loves you dearly! focus on THAT.

@HolleyMaeG Girl no, everyone has curiosity. Even me with these thoughts have sparked curiosity and it scares the hell out of me but even with being a little curious I can’t imagine it being me. If you know your heart is telling you that you love your boyfriend then focus on that as well! But thank you for saying that, it makes me feel like I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing, but I can’t help it when it’s starting to become a part of my daily life.

@anissa71 i totally get it, it’s 24/7 for me it’s so annoying the sexually intrusive thoughts don’t stop