TW: suicidal OCD discussion This is my main theme, alongside existential OCD and a few other minor ones. It comes at you from a variety of angles but one I have is when I heard the news and see that some celebrity or notable person has committee suicide, it strikes a fear in me and I have to read why they did it because I don’t understand, as well as making comparisons on if we are similar or not to make sure I won’t ever do that. Which leads to a similar topic that I don’t know the answer to and have to learn to live with uncertainty: it scares me beyond belief how it could just happen at anytime anywhere if the person wanted to. It could be related to how you never know if you’ll get into a car accident or be at a place where a shooting happens, but you don’t know if that’s gonna happen you just hope and pray it doesn’t. But I can’t even begin to fathom the reasonings and accessibility of suicide. It’s like it’s a constant threat to your life no matter where you go, it’s terrifying!! I think that’s one of the huge things on why I hate everything about the topic of suicide and have this form of OCD, it could just happen like that. I can’t even look at words such as “committed” or “attempted” without my brain being like ALERT! Disclaimer as well that this is just suicidal OCD, I love life and want to live, but this theme threatens you otherwise like any other theme.

aside from the baby everything you’ve said resonates so hard with me. i’m so scared of becoming depressed and just not wanting to try because i’ve got exams coming up - also the length of life keeps super bumming me oit

I think I compare it as well to when spies are captured and they commit suicide to prevent themselves from revealing secrets, or when people willingly let themselves be the bait when a dangerous situation occurs. Those people probably enjoy their lives, but still commit suicide based on duty. So it scares me that it can just happen regardless, or if someone just changed their mind or whatever, the access is there. I know it sounds irrational but it scares me

Plus with my OCD I know I love and enjoy life, but it pops it’s head in with a “what if you don’t tho” which sends me into a fear spiral somewhat if I give into compulsions of reassurance and checking

would you wanna connect on a different platform and we can chat more?

@cwllms Yeah of course! If you have reddit my user is SurprisinglyOrganic

@Evelyn4416 ahhhh i don’t! but my instagram is @wllms_art x

@cwllms O okay! I’ll follow and send a DM!

How’s your experience been with it?

Wow it’s like you wrote my exact experience, it’s SO many times where I get the “what’s the point” thoughts that aren’t me and create a ton of anxiety. I have this huge fear of being depressed too due to this theme of ocd. With the “what’s the point” thoughts I have been equating it to existential OCD, but I’ve also been getting intrusive thoughts like “what if none of this means anything, that your goals/dreams/relationships don’t mean anything”, and even thoughts like “what if you aren’t real or the things around you are real” etc. The two themes for me love to fed off each other ?

Right?? Like if I wanted to stay in bed longer because I’m comfortable then the thought sneaks in like “well it’s so hard for depressed people to get out of bed so that must be you” and I jump up so quick

oh god yes i’ve full on decided i’m adopting because there is no way i’m going through that

It’s so rough!!