If we are to ever manage (or dare I say, conquer) OCD, here are a few suggested statements to write down on a piece of paper and carry in your pocket that we all need to be comfortable with doing. 1. "I want to kill my spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend", 2. "I hope my parents die in a fiery car crash"; 3. "I love the Devil"; 4. "I am sexually attracted to children"; 5. "I want to stab my children while they are asleep"; 6. "I want to drown my kids in the bath tub"; 7. "I am in denial about being gay"; 8. "I want to go to Hell"; 9. "I am attracted to my brother/sister/mother/father"; 10. "I love the number 666 (or some other bad number)." These are just some examples. The point is to habituate to these kinds of thoughts that disgust you and, more importantly, learn that thoughts are not facts or an indicator of one's personal character. They are just passing thoughts to be acknowledged (not ignored) but not engaged in any way or given meaning or your valuable time.

Are you in therapy with NOCD as well?

I see. So you've been struggling with this for a while? I remember having symptoms since I was 12, but it never interrupted my life like it does now. Ive only had my evaluation with my therapist but I like her so far. It is fairly cheap considering other people in my area. So far I like the app and the weekly q&a with Mr. McGrath.

@luchalysol I could not have written some of those statements above just four short years ago. I was heavily influenced by magical thinking or what is technically termed Thought-Action Fusion. That is, if you think it, it means you believe it or it's as bad as actually doing it.

Yes, it one of those things where there are things that bother you and compulsions you do, but its not debilitating at first. Then it gets worse. I think for me it got really bad once I started to really want to heal and improve from my past. I began to be even more hyperaware of my "toxic traits" that it became an obsession. With everything going on right now and all the virtue signaling, I think it pushed me over the edge. And well now Im here. You do have a lot of great advice and knowledge. I highly appreciate that. Ive always been one to seek help as soon as I felt my mental health declining. Im happy Im at a place financially where I can afford it, so Im doing what I can to make sure I get better. You have really helped me a lot

@luchalysol I am very happy to know that you are about to begin treatment with NOCD. It's an investment in yourself and you deserve to live free from the OCD bully. Also, thanks for the kind words about my participation. While my themes are not necessarily always the same as some others, I truly understand the mental turmoil that OCD causes in one's life. Whether its impact is on relationships, self-esteem, fear of taking risks in life that can lead to significant personal fulfillment, etc., this insidious disorder can be very, very brutal and always unapologetic.

@Fear Strikes Out There is nothing I would want more than to recover and regain my life. Its also a huge wake up call for me. We never know what someone else is going through. And I do feel I haven't always been the most empathetic. Im trying to change that. I do believe that this experience does put things in perspective. It is a horrible experience, I don't wish it on anyone. I am glad we're not alone, but I wish we are all able to recover. Ocd just robs you of your life.

Congratulations for making it through the experience. It sounds like it was pretty intense. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being paralyzing anxiety) what would you have rated your anxiety at the food bank?

@Fear Strikes Out Because I had to try to hold myself together, at its worst it was about a 6 or 7. On the lower end if we were loading stuff or speaking. Towards the end I was mostly alone with the nice lady I was working with and we were talking. My anxiety was fairly high, I even got behind her to switch to the other side cause my car was there. I wanted to cry. She was such a nice lady. I didn't get thoughts of anyone specifically, just that general statement. And also a urge to grab a razor this lady had but I didn't.

@luchalysol Still, a 6 or 7 is pretty high yet you survived it without dying, harming anyone, or being involuntarily committed to a psych hospital. I think you should be proud of yourself. This is part of the process of re-training the mind that these OCD fears are false signals emanating from the brain (probably amygdala).

@Fear Strikes Out Sometimes I feel I should be committed to a psych ward. It all very scary. I took a nap after I got home. I did try another exposure, my cat loves to use my feet/legs as pillows. So I thought, "I wanna harm/hurt him." And didn't. I know its a part of the process but its so hard when they feel so real.

@luchalysol I understand. It's going to be like working out. Muscle strength development or endurance do not happen over night and require regular effort to see improvement over time.

@Fear Strikes Out As a lifter myself I know exactly what you mean. My ocd has gotten so bad its hard to even go to the gym. But Im trying to keep at it. Im one week away from starting treatment. I want this recovery and I want a normal and happy life with my son and family.

@luchalysol Are you using an NOCD therapist?

@Fear Strikes Out Yes. I start on the 20th. Im counting the days.