Hi guys, I wanted to share something with you. But I would like to apologise beforehand for writing and being like this. I never thought I would be such a terrible person. Well, here goes: For the past days, I've been feeling evil. Truly EVIL. I've been feeling like a person with no empathy, remorse or conscience. I can't recognise myself anymore. I feel like I am truly mean and rude. I really wish I were kind and understanding, and not just a few times a month or year, but all the time, every single day. I wanted to be a person who doesn't judge others, gives love unconditionally to others, respects everyone and everything, and never dares to hurt ANYONE. But I guess that wasn't my destiny. My destiny was to be an awful, disgusting and perverted person with a horrifying mind. I've noticed how I'm more irritated, especially with my boyfriend, even when there is no reason to feel that way. I've also noticed how I'm jealous of my friends, how I criticise and analyse people's behaviour even more often, even though I really don't want to do it because you don't know anyone just by looking at them, and how also sometimes I don't care enough, neither for the big things nor for the small ones. I've always had this bit in me but I hoped that I would change. I hoped I would grow up and be a better person. But, unfortunately, I haven't changed. I actually transformed into something worse. Much, much worse! I really feel like the core of my character is filled with traits of a monster. And I don't know how to change it. And that's all on top of my disgusting and terrifying thoughts about children and every single important person in my life. I just don't know how I got here. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to have a peaceful, happy life. I never wanted to be like this. Why can't I be a good, caring friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and the most important of all, a human being?! I just don't get it. I'll always be evil no matter what. People may think I'm a sweet, nice person (yeah, right...) but they'll always be wrong because they'll never get to see what's actually going on in my head. Anyway, I'll stop now. I'm sorry for venting. I know how pathetic it all sounds. I promise, I do. But I really needed to do it. Please forgive me if you came across this post and had your day/evening ruined because of me (I'm not saying I'm special, I just really think sometimes words like these can cause a lot of distress). Thank you if you've read this. I hope you don't hate me. But it's fine if you do, I deserve it.