I’m really nervous to do my new ERP exercise. I had an appointment with my therapist today and told her how I’m dealing with these intrusive thoughts about my mom that keep wanting me to look down at her chest or something like I have to keep saying “no I don’t wanna do that” and it’s been stressing me out a lot and making it hard to talk and be around her because these thoughts come in. My therapist said for an ERP that I should start with looking at pictures of my mom and purposely look at her chest in these pictures in order to conquer this fear and move past it. When I’m able to deal with that she said to do it in person. I know I have to do it do finally get over this issue but I’m so nervous to do so that I feel nauseous, like I keep thinking “what kinda of psycho would purposely stare at their mom’s chest??” I know it’s the OCD making this an issue in the first place tho but still. Any encouraging words would be helpful :(

Connie101

Date posted: 5y

This one is a hard one I'm not going to lie. I haven't had an thought like that. But I have had thoughts were I thought my life was over and I could move on with my life. I was completely devastated. When I did my ERP for it I was getting sick to my stomach and when my therapist would even talk about it my heart would just sink face would go pale. Just felt like my heart and breathing stopped. Now I'm about done with my ERP and I have to say it was worth it. Its scary but you can do it! Remember you're in a safe zone with you're therapist. There is no judgement. You got this! " God put everything beautiful on the other side of fear"- will smith. With that being said freedom is on the other side. I don't know of you believe in God but just know you're not alone.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

Thank you yes I’m a Christian and I believe in God. Thank you for sharing your experience and for the kind words, I think it’s hard to not hold judgement over ourselves but the last thing we want to have is shame, especially since it’s not something we can control when it comes to OCD

Connie101

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 Holding judgement over ourselves is hard to get over. Especially with OCD because you always think you're a bad person. Tbh I'm still working through it myself but from what God has lead me too is that I should call it out. It can't hide in the spotlight. Also put a name to it so it can be easier to recognize. Like I see you Penelope girl not today. Today we're having positive vibes only. Also Celebrate yourself Even your small Victories. You can do that by eating a pint of ice cream Or watching your favorite TV show or what have you. Just some self love. Btw the way I eat a lot of ice cream haha.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

@Connie101 Oh yes I think it’s just been something I’ve learned over life and now to undo everything and learn not to do that is difficult, but I’m sure not impossible. I try to remember that it’s OCD causing this whole mess and it’s not me, regardless of the mistakes and regrets I’ve done in the past (and OCD bringing those up as well). Haha I do try to treat myself often, especially when I first started doing ERP and therapy I would make sure I was super comfy and eating good food and relaxing after a hard session or practice

Connie101

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 Right! Yeah I have that too sometimes. Past mistakes even when I was like eight Years old what come up. I just cringe sometimes Hahaha

Fear Strikes...

Date posted: 5y

It's only because our culture (if not most of the world) sexualizes that part of the female body that it makes you feel like a "psycho." If you stared at your mom's knees, it probably doesn't elicit the same reaction. If you think of your mom's breasts as just an enlarged area of fatty tissue, does that change it at all on your mind?

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

Yeah our culture definitely does make it taboo when it’s just a body. Helps a little bit

ThreeLittleB...

Date posted: 5y

I’m going through something similar and when I look I feel overwhelmed and disgusted and I stress over the fact that it’s the first thing I look at. I’m horrified by it but it happens with a lot of people my boss wasn’t wearing a bra one day and I broke down crying in my car because I looked at her chest and I couldn’t even focus on what she was talking about.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I relate a lot! I feel like with alot of people especially if they’re wearing something low cut it’s like you go straight for that and normally I don’t think about it that much really and I think a lot of people do the same without thinking twice, but the fact that it’s happening to my mom has been devastating for me and I feel dirty and sick when I know it’s just ocd kicking me in the butt. It sends so many questions like why am I looking why are my thoughts and urges making me want to look there but I don’t want to etc etc

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