Fun new obsession! I worked under a TA who I thought was super hot. I was happily committed to my now husband, but at the time I still harbored a lot of attraction toward this man, to the point of occasionally fantasizing about him. I felt awful about it then and I feel bad about it now. I’m trying to rack my brain and make sure nothing inappropriate ever happened, I can remember hoping he thought I looked good and wanting him to think I was funny but I never did anything besides my work when I was with him. I’m convinced this makes me a bad person or even worse, that I’m destined to cheat on my husband. Other instances happened when I was drunk, never to the point of cheating thank god, but flirtations with other men. This hasn’t happened since I was a freshman in college as I stopped heavily drinking and realized how much I needed to work to be the best version of myself. I constantly feel guilty, like I need to atone for what happened. This is almost worse than the crippling HOCD I’ve been fighting. Please help❤️ and thanks if you made it this far lol

Thank you❤️❤️ I love him to death and I’m trying to trust myself and my love for him.

@wellwellwell Sending you strength! I believe in you! I believe in Love! You got this!

@ARTnotOCD Thank you! Glad to talk to other ocd warriors☺️

Unfortunately it’s too late for me. I’ve told my husband everything I remembered, even details that I wasn’t proud of (I.e. purposefully talking to an attractive man), but I can’t get it out of my mind. Worse yet, the TA incident happened entirely sober?

@wellwellwell How did he receive it, not so much what he was told but rather that you felt the need to disclose it?

@Fear Strikes Out He knows I have ocd so he thought it was pretty in line with my other compulsions to confess things. I didn’t even do anything besides sometimes think about the ta in a sexual manner. He didn’t seem very upset, I think he was more alarmed that I was clearly in the midst of an episode

@wellwellwell That's good that he recognizes that it is a compulsion. Have you learned any ERP tools yet?

@Fear Strikes Out I have, but I’ve been practicing HOCD erp so I’m not super prepared, but I think I have what I need to start practicing with this compulsion. It’s just bizarre to have really not done anything that awful yet feel like I’m some sort of unworthy whoee

@wellwellwell Yep, that's OCD for you. Twist, contort even relatively benign details into something horribly wrong. Have you read anything on moral scrupulosity?

@Fear Strikes Out I have, and I definitely think that applies here. Just finding men attractive and talking to them is somehow warped into something awful in my mind. There was literally only one instance of drunken flirting that probably actually counts as flirting but it never went beyond talking and playful banter. No one was touched, hit on, etc. I told this man I used to have a crush on him and was very giggly and drunk. Not great, not proud, but that’s what happened and my brain tells me I would’ve had sex with that man if I could have done so. I don’t think I would’ve but lol ocd is a killer

@wellwellwell Do you think it is more of a general moral scrupulosity or one with some faith-based roots?

@Fear Strikes Out General moral I think, I’m not religious at all, but I definitely believe in being faithful to one partner

@wellwellwell https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/moral-scrupulosity-ocd-part-one/