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- 5y
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- 5y
I don’t want to just be reassuring your OCD, but it’s seriously ok to want someone to think you’re pretty, funny, attractive. If someone besides my husband compliments me in that way, it’s surprising and exciting (unless they give off scary, added, creepy vibes). And if my husband gives me those compliments, it’s totally different (and honestly, sometimes better.). It’s like one is a little dangerous and exciting and when from my husband just goes directly to warm fuzzies in my heart. Even if it’s a little different for you, it’s still ok to want those compliments. It feels good to get them. It’s a healthy desire for your self esteem. And remember, your OCD is what’s gonna want you to ruminate and try to tell you you wanted it to go further than that. Fantasies are just that. You cannot control your thoughts, only your actions! Best of wishes. And I invite you to join the Honeymoon for Life Club! ?
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- 5y
Thank you❤️❤️ I love him to death and I’m trying to trust myself and my love for him.
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@wellwellwell Sending you strength! I believe in you! I believe in Love! You got this!
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@ARTnotOCD Thank you! Glad to talk to other ocd warriors☺️
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I used to have similar thoughts and worries and then I had a kid and most of my guilt and fear of doing something wrong is now about her. And work.
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It's too bad that those of us (numbering in the millions +) who got sloppy drunk in college, did stupid things, and then worried the next day or years later if they had did something very wrong or really embarrassing could share our stories with incoming college freshmen. It probably would not impact the behavior of most, but it might spare some the torture you are currently experiencing later in life.
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- 5y
Unfortunately it’s too late for me. I’ve told my husband everything I remembered, even details that I wasn’t proud of (I.e. purposefully talking to an attractive man), but I can’t get it out of my mind. Worse yet, the TA incident happened entirely sober?
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@wellwellwell How did he receive it, not so much what he was told but rather that you felt the need to disclose it?
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@Fear Strikes Out He knows I have ocd so he thought it was pretty in line with my other compulsions to confess things. I didn’t even do anything besides sometimes think about the ta in a sexual manner. He didn’t seem very upset, I think he was more alarmed that I was clearly in the midst of an episode
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@wellwellwell That's good that he recognizes that it is a compulsion. Have you learned any ERP tools yet?
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@Fear Strikes Out I have, but I’ve been practicing HOCD erp so I’m not super prepared, but I think I have what I need to start practicing with this compulsion. It’s just bizarre to have really not done anything that awful yet feel like I’m some sort of unworthy whoee
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@wellwellwell Yep, that's OCD for you. Twist, contort even relatively benign details into something horribly wrong. Have you read anything on moral scrupulosity?
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@Fear Strikes Out I have, and I definitely think that applies here. Just finding men attractive and talking to them is somehow warped into something awful in my mind. There was literally only one instance of drunken flirting that probably actually counts as flirting but it never went beyond talking and playful banter. No one was touched, hit on, etc. I told this man I used to have a crush on him and was very giggly and drunk. Not great, not proud, but that’s what happened and my brain tells me I would’ve had sex with that man if I could have done so. I don’t think I would’ve but lol ocd is a killer
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@wellwellwell Do you think it is more of a general moral scrupulosity or one with some faith-based roots?
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@Fear Strikes Out General moral I think, I’m not religious at all, but I definitely believe in being faithful to one partner
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Related posts
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- 17w
I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?
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- 15w
I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?
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- 15w
Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.
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