TW: suicidal OCD and self-harm OCD Hey guys! Quick disclaimer: my main theme is suicidal OCD. Unwanted intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges on the subject but they are completely unwanted and I’m not interested whatsoever in ending life, I love my life! even if it is difficult having OCD but who isn’t it difficult for! Now that that’s out of the way, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that this site called The Mighty posted an article around OCD surrounding suicidal intrusive thoughts. I thought “hey! more awareness on this type of theme!” So I go read it and let me tell you I did NOT like what they were going on about. The author explained that they struggle with suicidal OCD. However! They said that their compulsions included self-harm and how dangerous it can be and quickly lead to real suicide if not kept in check. I don’t know about you guys but to me that just screamed that the author was actually suicidal instead of just dealing with suicidal/self-harm ocd. Of course it triggered me because this is a theme I deal with but I would never want to do any self-harm as a compulsion, couldn’t even fathom it! So now I’m scared and wish I didn’t read that article. Which sucks because I read an article from Made of Millions which explained suicidal OCD and didn’t make you worried that was a thing. Like at that point you’re actually acting on actions correct? I don’t know, all I do know was that I nope’d out of there real quick and had to remind myself that everyone’s situation is different. It also sucks because apparently there was another article on The Mighty’s site that talked about “suicidal OCD”, yet that person also self-harmed as a compulsion as well! That seemed like wayyy too much and having inched itself into a whole other problem outside of OCD. My compulsions are mostly just mental such as reassurance, checking feelings and thoughts, etc. Anything physical has been avoidance of things or places. Anyways, that was my rant that triggered me. Didn’t like that one bit. Gonna take a hot shower, get comfy, and let that article leave me be while I snack and watch tv.

Hey - that’s basically OCD in a nutshell I’ve learned. You never really know what’s real or not. And really we don’t need to know the absolute truth. We have to learn to be okay with it.

Same! How are you doing now?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn You are right! But it’s so hard!

@Recoverer Thank you for sharing! You’re absolutely completely right in all of this - it would be the same with any other theme

Thank you so much for outlining all of this. It really paints a very clear picture that sitting with uncomfortable thoughts, and sensations is all a part of OCD and the success in ERP therapy.

Hey Brittany! I’m doing a lot better now compared to a year ago. ERP and therapy helped tremendously. I still deal with the themes but definitely not as intense or frequent as before so it’s better managed. How are you doing?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thanks for replying! I've come across your replies multiple times and it seems we experienced super similar things. I'm hoping I can reach out to you is some way? Instagram? Fb?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Or here just didn't want to annoy others lol

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Requested!

@Brittany hey i’ll reply to your message when i get back home!!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Ok!!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Hi Evelyn! I have seen some of your posts and seem to be going through a lot of similar things you have. Could we connect somehow? I could use the support!!

@Anonymous Hi!! you could email me at ocdhelpevelyn@gmail.com!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn I emailed you! Thank you for responding so quickly!!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn - Hi Evelyn! I also struggle with this. Basically what I struggle with the thought of "what if my OCD and Panic get so bad that I cant take it anymore and end up doing something to myself (I dont want to say the word because it is so triggering) When it comes to scripts do I write it out all the way to the end or is it something completely different? I am very interested to hear how you learned to cope with these thoughts.

@Anonymous Hey! When I wrote them yes it would be all the way to the end, like writing out the absolute worst case scenario fear from beginning to end. I would also right it in the present tense, avoiding statements such as “what if I did that” or “or later I did”, it would instead be “I am doing this thing”, if that makes sense!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Interesting. I am just getting started in ERP and can already see how well it works. Can I connect with via email to learn more about this specific way you did this? I promise I'm not nuts. Just trying to get my life back from OCD and determined to win!! :)

@Anonymous Definitely! ocdhelpevelyn@gmail.com :-)

@MysticZhadow I go through the same thing ! It’s exhausting.

@JTF Hey! Mental compulsions are definitely ones that can keep us stuck, that’s what I mostly struggled with: mental avoidance, self-reassurance, etc. I would try to list out things that trigger you specifically and create exposures around them. I found creating and later reading those scripts to be super helpful. If there’s a tv show or movie that has those topics it could be a good exposure as well. When you feel that anxiety, just breathe and even lean into that anxious feeling while doing so. It will subside! Hope this helps at all

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thank you so much! I’ll definitely give this a try 👏

@Anonymous Not at all!! Please reach out 😊