I definitely feel like I have a rare form of OCD. I am so uncomfortable talking about it , but I feel like I should get it out , I need to get it out . My compulsions are avoiding looking at people , eating food . Not wanting to cook, not wanting to go out, not wanting to be alone with people. But I obviously still do these things. But best believe I don’t want to ... I don’t know what to think anymore , like it feels like when I look myself in the eyes I don’t recognize myself ... I don’t find ANYTHING interesting anymore. Because literally everything that I do I still have thoughts ... i feel like I have a serious case , and when I think about death for me , it makes me feel like I’ll be set free from this mental distress. But I don’t want to die , I want to enjoy my life. But I don’t and feel like I can’t enjoy my life feeling like I’m going to attack someone all the time . Feeling like I’ll lose my mind all the time . I hate this for my bf and my family and my kids , they don’t deserve this . Feeling like I don’t love ANYONE, not even myself , not even my baby in my stomach. I can’t think see my future anymore ... like I used to be able to , I wanted my job , and I wanted to be this healthy amazing mother and wife one day but now I just don’t see it anymore , and then in my head it tells me is it because I want to kill people and or animals? And eat them? Please no judging , so yes I said eat them.. it feels sick to me. I had not been wanting to eat , and my head was telling me it’s because I want to eat people . Wow it sounds so weird typing that . There is soooo much more to my weird thoughts , like I was feeling like I had been doing okay not to long ago , and then it came back to me felt wayyyy stronger.. I know this sounds so ignorant but my sister had told me that she had ate her poop before , and tasted her pee, and now I am thinking I will try poop ... i hate seeing poop because I think I will just pick it up and eat it. I wish I could write this alllll out but it’s to much . I do wanna say one thing that has been bothering me a lot. When people are having problems it’s like I don’t care and I just think kill them , I don’t like when people talk about other people because I had this thought that if you don’t like someone and they are causing you problems then you wanna hurt them . I’m scared of my thoughts and I’m scared I’ll blurt out my thoughts ... please no one feel sorry for me . I hate that , I hate feeling sorry for myself . I want to talk to someone about ALL my problems . I need a Therapy but absolutely terrified:(

I've never seen a therapist or been diagnosed, so I went surfing through to find this community. I've seen a lot of OCD symptoms written online. Here is what I experience that I feel may be OCD. If any of you guys agrees, please let me know. I have only ever been able to call my mom by her first name. I have never been able to not do that. She tried to make me call her mom once as a kid but it felt so wrong that I started crying. Everytime I see a wet floor sign, I say "piso mojado" out loud. I have plenty of harsh intrusive thoughts, such as committing acts of violence when I see people not using their turn signals, interrupting performers at a concert. I make myself re-press on my phone alarms 10-12 times each day in the same rythym until it feels fully set to go off. Light switches get flicked off and on, I can't stand not doing it. I have to double-check everything and make myself re-look through the same drawers at work for hours. I love to write, but I never get far because I need approval from others. My head is also always filled to the brim with thoughts which has made writing and things like memory a lot harder. I can't use spoons. I can only use forks for almost everything. I can't stand them. That's all I can think of for right now. Please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.