I definitely feel like I have a rare form of OCD. I am so uncomfortable talking about it , but I feel like I should get it out , I need to get it out . My compulsions are avoiding looking at people , eating food . Not wanting to cook, not wanting to go out, not wanting to be alone with people. But I obviously still do these things. But best believe I don’t want to ... I don’t know what to think anymore , like it feels like when I look myself in the eyes I don’t recognize myself ... I don’t find ANYTHING interesting anymore. Because literally everything that I do I still have thoughts ... i feel like I have a serious case , and when I think about death for me , it makes me feel like I’ll be set free from this mental distress. But I don’t want to die , I want to enjoy my life. But I don’t and feel like I can’t enjoy my life feeling like I’m going to attack someone all the time . Feeling like I’ll lose my mind all the time . I hate this for my bf and my family and my kids , they don’t deserve this . Feeling like I don’t love ANYONE, not even myself , not even my baby in my stomach. I can’t think see my future anymore ... like I used to be able to , I wanted my job , and I wanted to be this healthy amazing mother and wife one day but now I just don’t see it anymore , and then in my head it tells me is it because I want to kill people and or animals? And eat them? Please no judging , so yes I said eat them.. it feels sick to me. I had not been wanting to eat , and my head was telling me it’s because I want to eat people . Wow it sounds so weird typing that . There is soooo much more to my weird thoughts , like I was feeling like I had been doing okay not to long ago , and then it came back to me felt wayyyy stronger.. I know this sounds so ignorant but my sister had told me that she had ate her poop before , and tasted her pee, and now I am thinking I will try poop ... i hate seeing poop because I think I will just pick it up and eat it. I wish I could write this alllll out but it’s to much . I do wanna say one thing that has been bothering me a lot. When people are having problems it’s like I don’t care and I just think kill them , I don’t like when people talk about other people because I had this thought that if you don’t like someone and they are causing you problems then you wanna hurt them . I’m scared of my thoughts and I’m scared I’ll blurt out my thoughts ... please no one feel sorry for me . I hate that , I hate feeling sorry for myself . I want to talk to someone about ALL my problems . I need a Therapy but absolutely terrified:(

ssiegel

Date posted: 5y

you are safe and accepted here ❤️ therapy and medication will help so much, and we will all be here for you in the mean time. your thoughts do not define you :)

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Now I feel like everyone on here is going to think I’m weird

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

What you shared took courage ☺. If I can take it, a trained therapist will likely be able to as well. Do you think that's something you could do?

miss down ba...

Date posted: 5y

hey don’t worry we don’t!! I get what you’re going through 100%, I also have a rare type of ocd that used to be super severe in the beginning but it’s gotten way better these last few months with therapy and medication. I know it might be scary but therapy helps Lots especially erp and cbt

Rjz

Date posted: 5y

Not one thing is strange that you’d saying. It is all ocd and it’s hell. But you will get better. Zoloft saved my life

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

I am currently on Zoloft and have been for a bit. But I am wondering if I need to up my dosage a bit because I still have some anxiety.

Rjz

Date posted: 5y

I take the highest dose 200 mg. It saved my life 20 years ago w harm ocd and my mind was so scary. I have tried others but no luck. So been on Zoloft through my two pregnancies as well. I have relationship ocd bad. So I’m going to try to switch meds if need be. But Zoloft is good for ocd. You may be better w higher dose. But e ocd you always need a higher dose. I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old So my hormones are not helping my ocd ?

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Well I’m so glad to hear that it has helped you! I definitely think I might need to be on a higher dose then because I am only on 50 mg. When I first started it I felt like it got a lil worse an then I was feelin better. Then back down again .

Rjz

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 50 is way too low for ocd. W ocd you need a way higher dose. I know this from my physiatrist I’ve been seeing for years. It was like omg hell for me 20 years ago. Mine is a lot of relationship ocd now

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

Was this your first time sharing this with anyone?

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Yeah most of it I haven’t really talked about It with anyone .

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for sharing. No judgments, other than that to tell you none of it is “weird”, if that even is a judgement. Therapy can be scary. Please talk to your doc about your meds, and maybe ask if they recommend someone who is an OCD specialist? There are also other ways to find one. We’re here with you! If possible, let us help you be brave to take the steps to be the best you for yourself and your family. Good wishes your way. ?

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5y

Comment deleted by user

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Yeah I’m pretty sure I have that . I had went to the er before and talked to them about it and they had mentioned Harm OCD .

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