- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
If you want a good ERP excersize while you look for therapy (i HIGHLY recommend therapy through NOCD. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY). Try to sit with the thoughts of maybe being or becoming a psychopath. Try to tell yourself "maybe i am or maybe im not its possible i may bea psychopath. I dont have the answer to that" WITHOUT doing any type of compulsions. You checking and searching and trying to find an answer is only making your OCD worse. If you feel comfortable with trying that i would HIGHLY recommend it. Good luck!! Let me know how it goes. P.S : it will be scary, it will be hard, you might want to do a lot of compulsions but the point is NOT to do them. Sit and focus on those thoughts of "maybe i am or maybe i will become one i dont know".
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey! Would you suggest this with any kind of thought? Like I feel like my morbid thoughts are just to fucked up for me to agree too ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Pameladonald6530 Yes i highly suggest you do it with every thought that gives you anxiety or panic. Your not agreeing with those thoughts your just letting them be uncertain. "I might end up killing someone one day, i dont know. Well see what happens" or "i might not have any feelings but i dont know why maybe ill feel someday well have to find out"
- Date posted
- 5y
I honestly don't know if I can't do it, it's terrifying
- Date posted
- 5y
@Makki23 Maybe start with something a little less terrifying. Do you have any other subtypes or fears that dont give you AS much anxiety?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Kamil They are all kinda same tbh
- Date posted
- 5y
Honestly what I’d say to do is write this out just like this , and give it to your therapist. If you have one
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm possibly getting one
- Date posted
- 5y
I felt this way in my early teens and only now do i realise it was ocd my doctor and therapists have all reasured me that i was not and am not a psychopath intrusive thoughts all come in many forms and i would have empty feelings and sometimes feel completely nothing for months i did all the same googling but i too never wanted to hurt or enjoyed hurting others the utter fact you're concered about it and are asking is enough to say you're not a psychopath
- Date posted
- 5y
I just think about it so often, and get scared being numb will make me more likely to act on them even though I don't want to
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
At the beginning of this year, I experienced false memories for the first time about watching bad stuff online, which I have never done in my life. I then turned to hours upon hours of googling and researching about it and reading articles about it. I'd sometimes google the same articles or topics multiple times a day. I then also remembered that I watched a clip once from Big Mouth (not knowing they were teens at the time). I became so afraid that I was being watched by the authorities or my ISP simply for doing research that I impulsively deleted my Google activity and became extremely paranoid that I was a bad person and a criminal, even though I'd never ever had these types of thoughts before. Then felt bad afterwards because I was like omg what if i am bad because what if it seems like I'm trying to hide a crime. I just really hate myself rn. I know we shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I'm more just pondering this, does this make me a bad person? Is there anyone else who has experienced something similar? Does this mean I still have OCD? or am I truly just only worried about how other people see me? Even while typing this, I'm asking myself, what does this all mean.
- Older adults with OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Real Events OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- POCD
- Date posted
- 19w
Around 10 years ago when I started getting violent OCD intrusive thoughts, I also started fearing that I was a sociopath. I began overanalyzing everything — especially my emotions. It's like if I could prove I had emotions it proved I wasn't a sociopath. I care deeply about my family — I worry about them, I want them to be safe and happy, I want them to get theit deepest desires — but I don’t know what love "feels" like, if its supposed to feel like anything. People describe love as this warm, obvious, fuzzy emotion, but I don’t experience it the way I think I’m supposed to. Is it supposed to be intense? Constant? Loud? Because I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that. My family isn’t very emotionally expressive either. I cherish hugs from them when I get them, I initiate most hugs with my parents (but I don't like hugs from other people, like co workers) but overall my family doesnt show affection much, and that’s made me question if I’m even capable of love. I overanalyze my feelings constantly — especially after realizing I don’t feel connected to God in the way my old church said I should. I don’t love God. I don’t feel anything toward Him — we’ve never met obviously so I just never got a connection with Him. But growing up, that felt like a sin in itself. As a teen, I felt ashamed knowing I cared more for my parents than for God, especially when church messages said God had to come first. There’s a song by Mary Mary that says, “I love you more than my mother, my father…” and it used to make me feel broken. My feelings were in direct contradiction with what I was taught, and that shame never fully left me. OCD latched onto that hard. It’s only after a coworker passed away — and I found myself crying multiple times over it — that I realized I do care deeply for people. But even that realization felt pathetic. Why did I need such an extreme moment to feel something “real”? & why didn't I care for another creepy bigoted co worker when his son was sick? I felt nothing. I’m scared my OCD is convincing me that I’m heartless, even though I want connection. I crave love. I like hugs. It’s exhausting and terrifying to doubt my own humanity like this. I hate this fear. I hate that I don’t trust myself. I hate that OCD makes me question my morality, my emotions — everything that makes me me. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How do I even explain this to a therapist
- Date posted
- 18w
Hey guys. I feel like no one will even reply to my post. I feel anxious af. I could barley eat a plate of soup. I feel so drained and fatigued and feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm just so worried I don't even have harm ocd anymore. Its just... I grew up in a household where swatting people was normalized like if you did something really naughty. I never really questioned it and I grew up thinking it was an okay thing and would sometimes swat someone when they are being naughty growing up and even recently. I would never swat someone at full force or enough to make someone cry just more like a hard tap to get their attention but it feels automatic? And even then it's really really rare for me to do, i much rather talk sternly or tell someone. When i do swat its bc like if someone scared me I guess I hit their hand and say "THAT SCARED ME" and we both start laughing or if my older niece was roughhousing with her younger sister and the younger one gets hurt and the older one laughs, I swat the older one once or twice on her arm as a discipline and say "what is wrong with you??? Why are you laughing? You are much older than her! You could've seriously hurt her." And idk how but i never thought like how wrong this is?!... and I feel like sh/t like ocd keeps saying "well you have swatting impulses when someone is misbehaving or if someone scares or hits you, meaning if you get an impulse to do something really evil instead, you wouldnt be able to control yourself huh?" And I started to get so anxious and scared. Ive NEVER acted out on the harm ocd thoughts (nor do i even want to) ive been getting daily for 4 years even when they are misbehaving. But i get so scared like WHAT IF I get an impulse to do the evil thoughts? What if I lose control?! Is this a history of violence/ low impulse?! Does this mean i would act out on my fears?! I've never wanted to do these thoughts before but i get scared like what if I do one day? This whole day ive been ruminating and asking ai for reassurance. I feel terrible. I feel like a horrible person. I started to cry. I just cant anymore. I feel this weight on my chest. I feel so evil so irredeemable. I f/cking suck. I hate myself so much right now. I feel so much guilt and shame. Why am I still here anymore? Maybe i dont even have ocd and maybe i never did. This is just breaking my heart. I want to change and unlearn this swatting behavior as well for sure. :(
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