Does anyone else get triggered by unexpected or unplanned occurrences? I always get triggered when my husband says he wants to order food when I was planning on cooking. Or like we have to do an unexpected curbside pickup tonight and I'm getting so anxious. I just feel like anything unexpected could happen and I wont know how to handle it. (I have contamination ocd by the way).

So should we expose ourselves to those unplanned situations more often? My hubby let me cop out and went to do the curbside pickup in his own while I meticulously did dishes after dinner and sanitized. Maybe not the best outcome.

Comfort zone, that’s a better way of putting it than bubble :)

@AnxiousT When I was on medication (my doc put me on adderall to distract me from my obsessive thoughts because a number of SSRIs were not working, so my last combo of meds was addy, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin occasionally for insomnia) I would change my life very easily and not be so anxious about change. I actually got a job offer in Dubai and moved there for a year. I was on my dads health insurance and then when I moved abroad I had to get off the insurance and Dubai is strict with certain medications (stimulants). So for 2 years now I have been off meds and back in the US (my job here now is a temp agency job so no insurance) and I’m greatly suffering. Even the slightest change in schedule makes me have a panic attack. I didn’t realise how much meds made a difference.

@Anxiousgirl I am SO impressed you were in a place where you could just up and move to Dubai. Wow.

@catattak Thank you ❤️ it’s more than that tho. I am from NYC and experienced some traumas here. My cousin told me to try some sugar daddy website a few years ago because I was in debt working 2 jobs and a lot of girls were doing it. Basically I was used or taken advantage of and never got a dime. I guess OCD combined with either PTSD or my upbringing caused intrusive thoughts. I thought maybe I was secretly recorded during sex or my reputation was ruined. So it became easy for me to just move to a new place. In Dubai however, I fell in love with a guy who acted like my Prince Charming. I got laid off, and had to move into his place. He turned into a narcissistic sociopath and I became isolated and like a housewife. I later found out he is married with 2 kids and 43 years old (not 33 like he told me, he aged well so I believed it). So experiencing this after coming off of medication was not good for my mental health. I am an adventurous person tho so I guess moving to Dubai for me would be easier than most people lol.

@Anxiousgirl Wow! What a story! My god you are strong.

@catattak Thank you. I don’t think so. I drink and binge on food lately on weekends and have my fair share of breakdowns and struggle to do my job. When I was on adderall I was fit and didn’t feel the need to binge eat. Thank God for my tall height and fast metabolism. My life can be it’s own reality show but sometimes I’m just like wtf after reflecting on the past 10 years. Being sheltered to living this eventful life. I guess I can provide top advice to other people but part of me feels bad for myself that I had to learn things the hard way and be the one to provide this advice and life lessons to others. Le sigh ?

@Anxiousgirl You know what though? You are so much stronger and smarter because of it. I like to use the mantras "the comeback is always greater than the setback" and "smooth seas never made a skilled sailor" to remind me that, though I'm struggling, good things will come. I feel like those can really apply to your experience.

@catattak Yeah I’ve heard that before. Thanks for reminding me of these things! I’ve been so alone in quarantine and lost some friends over the years that I don’t have many positive sayings coming my way. I have a therapist on the better help app but having friends or people around you to give you such advice really helps mental health so I thank you ❤️

@Anxiousgirl Well good things are coming your way. Another one for the road, "everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end". My mom said that to me growing up and I really cling to it in hard times. I'm so glad you're getting help on the better help app and that you're here to give and receive support. Thank you for sharing your struggles and successes with us :)

@catattak That’s another good quote I think I’ve heard before! Yes. I love this app. I’ve asked before if anyone has met in person or made friends from this app. I added one person on here on Instagram but I realize a lot of people want to remain anonymous. I just always wanted to make friends who could relate to me and my mental struggles. New York is a damn mess right now due to COVID but I love making friends from everywhere. I went to Penn State for my undergrad and that was my prime, but after graduation everyone went their separate ways and adulting has been quite difficult lol

@Anxiousgirl I'm from Ontario Canada and live in a hot spot but it's nowhere near what you guys have gone through in New York. I just struggle because I have contamination ocd specifically around covid. I've always been a germaphobe but never to an extent that I would have considered having ocd. I dont even think i owned hand sanitizer before this. I was always just someone who washed my hands after hand shakes or when I got home. Now I'm certain of it and my handwashing and sanitizing are out of control even though no one in my house leaves the house. I dont post much on insta but my handle is the same as it is here if you want to add :)

@catattak I think I just added you. If not I just added someone who posts about cats lol. I think this pandemic really bought out a lot of disorders within people and a lot of suppressed emotions have come out. Have you been officially diagnosed with OCD? I am 27 and got diagnosed with HOCD when I was 14. Then when I went wild in college it evolved into Pure OCD and Real Event OCD when I actually started living life and learning harsh lessons.

@Anxiousgirl I haven't officially been diagnosed but I cant really afford to see someone qualified to diagnose. I started considering it when a few weekends ago unwashed my hands upwards of 70 times in one day, sanitized my belongings and locked myself in my room. I knew something was going on with my anxiety for a few months but I didnt realize what was truly happening. Then i heard howie mandel talk a out how some days he couldnt leave the bathroom because he kept turning around and washing his hands. I realized that's been me for the past few months so I started researching. I realized I was having racing thoughts and that my obscene hand washing was compulsions and my 'racing thoughts' were obsessions. I see a therapist (not a psychiatrist that would diagnose and prescribe) but she agrees that it is ocd). It's actually great knowing what it is because for months I've been doing things like seeking reassurance and repeatedly trying to convince myself I'm okay, which it turns out is counter to healing from ocd. Turns out I actually have to take (safe) risks inside the home and then just wallow in the horrible feelings hahaha. But it works and now that I know what to do and not do, I can feel more optimistic about getting better eventually! (Also yes that was me)

@catattak I’m not a psych professional but that sounds to me like OCD. I’m glad you have at least somewhat figured out what is going on. We are all here for you!! And btw, I love cats too! I had a cat for 15 years that passed away (and he was my best friend because I am an only child) and I have many times said I give up on men and want to just get another cat and call it a day lol

@Anxiousgirl Lmao I'm also an only child who loves cats. I've had them my whole life. Contamination ocd means I'm not giving them the hugs and snuggles they deserve right now, but I'm taking big steps in petting them every day now and even picked them with up today without washing my hands, changing my clothes or showering. I'm in bed unshowered. It's a miracle! Haha. I hope I can get back to snuggling them like I used to.

@catattak Yes!! Keep it up. Stay as dirty as possible (as weird as that sounds). It’s all about the exposure. In the short term compulsions will help but in the long term if you keep up the exposure then the anxiety will decrease and your body will become acclimated to the new exposure conditions that you set. I’m such a hypocrite because I can’t even follow my own damn advice but I know that’s what he supposed to do lol.

@Anxiousgirl Lmao, girl. Trust me I'm bad at taking my own advice too. Just told someone else in a different thread to evaluate if she reeeeaallly needs to sanitize something. Meanwhile I sanitized my kitchen island today after making a salad...oy vey. Oddly enough I do have a big exposure tomorrow. I have to go to the hospital for scheduled appointment re: some health stuff I've been dealing with. Wish I could say I'm not gonna shower when I get home, but that's not even close to true. Baby steps for me. And also bed time. Let's keep in touch on insta. Thank you for the encouraging chat tonight! Keep your chin up :)

@catattak It’s especially difficult during this time because we are encouraged to be extra clean, extra careful. I’m not sure about the situation in Canada but America has turned into a disaster (THANKS TRUMP SMH). I know the OCD game now for 13 years and I realize how chronic it is because the themes keep switching. I got initially triggered at 14 because I get off to lesbian porn, which isn’t a problem at all but I was raised in Turkish Muslim culture so in that case it gets complicated. I seeked reassurance later and it took me years to realize a lot of straight girls really like lesbian porn or are bicurious, and there is tons of sexual fluidity in the latest generations. Unfortunately this OCD evolved into other themes over the years. But when I face my problems today, I realize yes some of it is trauma, but the worst of it is bought on by my OCD intrusive thoughts and I need to work at it to rewire my brain, especially because I can’t get meds right now. The takeaways from this rant are just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s fact. The way you talk to yourself in your head matters a lot. Don’t get too caught up in your thoughts. This pandemic makes mental health a huge struggle. I’m glad we can all be here for each other!!! I enjoyed talking to you as well. If you ever wanna talk DM me or we can talk on here. I rant enough on this app to be noticeable lol.

Thank you for your positive encouragement. I got a bit dirty while doing the dishes and am using that as exposure (not changing my clothes). Its not the same as going for the unplanned drive but I'm still trying to work with something here