I’m so happy that this last week or so I’ve been feeling the best I have been since my OCD onset. I feel borderline normal now finally. I wanna let you guys know it’s possible. I mainly struggle with suicidal OCD along with some other themes and before therapy it was screaming at me every waking moment and now I get some intrusive thoughts here and there but it’s easier to let it go by and it’s quiet now. It’s doable!!!

Not really. I knew it wasn’t real suicidal ideation because I wasn’t conjuring it up myself rather they were intrusive and unwanted. I emphasized that part very clearly and loudly. When I went to see my first therapist I had a check up by a doctor that worked in the same facility and told her exactly that and she never said it could’ve been something else. With that first therapist too she didn’t specialize in OCD nor did I know I had OCD at the time I thought it was just anxiety and I told her many times about it and she didnt say much about it. When I figured out it could be OCD then went with my now OCD-specializing therapist, she said that’s exactly what it was: OCD

@Evelyn4416 That's good that you were never mis-reported by a provider for having suicidal intrusive thoughts. What are those thoughts like? What is being said in your mind?

@Fear Strikes Out I think if I answered yes to those “are you depressed do you have suicidal thoughts” questions doctors normally I could see myself getting mis-reported! The thoughts will be like if I see something that could be used as a weapon for suicide even if it’s kinda ridiculous the thoughts will be like “kill yourself with that” or if I’m dealing with something unpleasant the thought will come in, or if I’m bored the thought will be like “what’s there to life just lull yourself”, I’ve been afraid to become depressed because I thought that would develop a desire for actual suicide, etc. It honestly seemed like anything could be a trigger. Reading an article of someone who died to suicide, seeing words related to that such as committed or attempted, etc

@Evelyn4416 What kinds of compulsions did you do to relieve the anxiety? Or, did you purposely avoid anything that might be triggering?

@Fear Strikes Out A lot of mental ones such as self-reassurance, arguing with myself, covering the “bad” thoughts with “good” ones, and so on. Avoidance was def one, not with many things but some I would put away to avoid being around because it made me so uncomfortable and scared. Or if I thought I looked at something weird or whatever I would keep questioning myself and tell myself I was fine, keep saying it’s not me it’s the ocd, etc

@Evelyn4416 Thanks for helping me understand harm OCD. It is not something I have ever experienced. The avoidance and thought neutralizing makes a lot of sense as compulsions, as does seeking self-reassurance. Glad you are doing better.

@Fear Strikes Out It for sure sucks not gonna lie, have had some terrible days from it. Thank you and glad I could help! :)

my experience of suicidal ocd is very very simmilar to evelyn’s and similarly, i VERY aggressively stressed that i have zero intention of offing myself. my GPs do ask every single appointment though ‘do you have suicidal intention’ because they don’t fully understand it.

@cwllms Thanks for sharing!

@cwllms Whenever they ask me this now I just say no because it’s not what they think and I know they won’t understand