I was on Paxil since the beginning of 2017 for OCD. The fear that pushed me to seek medication was the fear that I developed that I would get my wife fired from her new job. This fear at the time was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Previously OCD portrayed fears that related to me directly and when it started to put my loved ones in the line of fire I had to do something. The medication worked well and fast for me, by mid 2017 I was fully functional again. The fears and intrusive thoughts didn't go away but the anxious feeling that drove me to complete compulsions was no longer there. The toll of the medication could soon be seen and felt me. I couldn't feel any downs which was great but I couldn't feel any ups. This numbness of feelings was a big driving force behind why I wanted to stop the paxil. Another issue was my rapid and excessive weight gain. Before the medication I weighed 85kg/187lb and by the end of 2019 I weighed 110kg/243lb. Throughout 2019 I reduced my paxil slowly as recommended by my psycharist. By December 2019 I was completely off the paxil. The withdrawals were terrible and took at least 3 months to stop. My weight dropped to 95kg/209lb within a month and a half. My body feels healthier for it. Unfortunately many of the symptoms of my OCD resurfaced with a vengeance in 2020. Not because of covid but due to the isolation that has really exacerbated the OCD. I have been following different self treatment approaches through out the lockdown. The improvements I have had have been small and the journey using self treatment has been like a roller-coaster. I am currently researching to see if this mental illness could have been triggered by mold toxicity as there was a point between 2013 and 2015 I was exposed to mold, rotting wood and still water in a bathroom in the house I was living. The aggressive OCD that I have almost seemed to manifest itself over night during 2013. Before this point OCD didn't consume my life it was more of a quirk and a slight nuisance. Sorry for the self indulgent post, I think it helps me to post openly about my experiences with this monster we all know.