Please help! I apologize for posting a very similar post so often, but I need your help and different perspectives. I have had OCD for over 25 years now and for the past decade, I have been having the urge to engage in a long and destructive ritual to restart my life. I have lost so much in giving in. I never fear that something bad will happen, but the high that I get from restarting is like a super powerful drug. I last did this ritual on July 12 and each day, I want to throw in the towel and restart again. It is hell to fight the urge. I only found a couple of related resources that are below. How do I not give in and live more peacefully not giving in??? https://theocdstories.com/stories/february-fifteenth-my-obsession-with-obsession/ http://www.psychologyandbehavior.com/ocd-starting-over-compulsions-undoing/

Thank you. I think that you are spot on. I also feel a lot of depression when I do not give in and feel like I could so easily fix my problems by restarting. I know that I am trying to be tricked by my OCD, but I always feel like this time will be my last! I really hope that I will eventually find peace and distance after not giving in.

I think that I am trying to avoid all negative feelings, but I am not sure. It feels like a clean slate when I restart and it is so powerful. I feel so motivated and high afterwards and almost superhuman. I cannot give in, though. I have lied to get out of work to do the ritual and have obviously lost several jobs!!!

Good point! But what if that imagined life is not very realistic?

@Fear Strikes Out Well, maybe it is realistic but its a long term goal. If it os not at all realistic, or if its too long term to really believe in, maybe set checkpoints. Like I want to go to this dinner with my friend. If I do my long ritual, I will miss it. Then imagine the dinner with friend. And then set another future to dream about. It can be as simple as I want to have time on the weekend to relax, and not start over during my relaxation time.

@Daisy102 To both of you, thank you. I do try to defend the reality, and I often think of how difficult it can be to successfully complete the ritual. Right before the ritual (in almost a land of purgatory), I act recklessly and know that nothing matters until I restart. The ritual itself involves tinier rituals that can all not feel right or go wrong. I become paralyzed until I can successfully complete it and find myself drinking and sleeping. It took me a week one time to get to the feeling that I did the ritual just right! It is just awful. I am not functional in this phase. When I am not in this phase, I am functional. I just cannot give in and accept leave well enough alone...