MJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
VivianVivian
- Date posted
- 5y
I have also made intentionally unattainable goals so that I could call myself a failure since I compulsively use negative self talk as a way to punish myself for being a “bad” person. Trying to start a business, going back to university, getting a job, etc. are all big life events that take time. I know it’s not easy though, I type this like I have my life together but I’m always compulsively worrying about being a failure in the past, present, or future. I try to focus on what I can do today that will make me feel accomplished (value driven behavior) and acknowledge that all my goals can’t be accomplished in one day (it’s also possible, and hard to accept, that some of my goals might never get accomplished!). It doesn’t make you or me less of a person to not accomplish EVERY goal. It is super easy to get antsy during this whole quarantine thing and it feels like my plans have come to a screeching halt. Hang in there, everybody!!
Daisy102Daisy102
- Date posted
- 5y
Go us!!
Daisy102Daisy102
- Date posted
- 5y
We can do it!!
Fear Strikes OutFear Strikes...
- Date posted
- 5y
What does failure look like to you?
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Not getting a degree or a proper job. I've really struggled and now I'm studying from home to get qualifications to go to uni but in terrified I will fail AGAIN and never get a degree. :(
Fubangzheng Fubangzheng
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd You need to keep in good patience for this to work for you. Slow and steady, I believe that it is very hard, but eventually it will work out fine, take a step back a see it from an inspectors perspective
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fubangzheng I'm 22, I feel like everyone else is sorted in their life while I live at home with my parents and use their money for everything. I want to be successful and have my own money. I just dont want to be a failure all my life, I've failed already. I'm trying to get a business going and even that's super hard to get bookings for. Its just scary sometimes. I'm just scared I'll feel this worthless, alone, useless forever. It just really scares me! :(
Daisy102Daisy102
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd That is so scary. I think that's a rational fear though. No one likes to feel unsuccessful. But theyre right... Giving up isnt going to help. I feel bad for how little I do too... I still live at home and I don't work right now... But remember the people who love you. I've been told to write down things I do well every day. Even small things. It does help. Also ive been thinking a lot lately about success and failure. I have come to believe that success is dependent on your goals. If your goal is to establish yourself financially and socially by your early twenties, and never have to go back to your parents for help, and be confident and self sufficient, then you will feel like a failure any time you need to ask for help, or you are confused about decisions, or anything. Dont give up. I feel like a failure too a lot... Youre not the only one❤ but if you keep trying, you will have success eventually. If you give up, you won't necessarily. Its so hard though. I would recommend reevaluating what your goals really are.
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@Daisy102 I think I would feel better if I had a part time job while i was studying from home. I'm just struggling to find one. Even if it was in the super market, atleast then I could say I was contributing something. :(
Daisy102Daisy102
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Yeah. Its hard. I honetsly struggle with that a lot. I think... Do you feel like you need to work to be a success? Or are you just bored? Or want money? Because obeying ocd won't help... But I really hear ya. I don't want to feel like a failure and its especially hard right now. Youre not alone and you can do this. Find something you can do thats small maybe...? I dunno. what do all of y'all think? Cause MJ, compulsions wont help but I get that. It is nice to do things to feel productive... Hard to differentiate OCD and good desires
Fear Strikes OutFear Strikes...
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Do you live in a small town that doesn't have many employers?
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out Yup. Actually I've just had a booking for october with my small business so now I dont feel so rubbish. ❤
Fear Strikes OutFear Strikes...
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Congratulations!! ???
PhysioPhysio
- Date posted
- 5y
Hmm it's really hard to live up with OCD. But we gotta accept it as it's part of our life.
Fubangzheng Fubangzheng
- Date posted
- 5y
I totally agree
Daisy102Daisy102
- Date posted
- 5y
For a long time, in my first seeater of college even, I felt that to be successful I had to be president of the United States, a therapist, a teacher, a lawyer, and speak several languages- all those things at once. I felt like a failure for having fun when I should be helping someone. For not studying hard enough so I could lead our nation to a better future. For not exercising so I could save people in event of an emergency. Point is... I never realized how irrational it was to expect myself to be all of that at the same time. Its simply not possible to go to law school, run for government office, homeschool my kids, be a lawyer, learn languages ... And so on, at the same time. All by themself could be good skills, but I was hating myself for not being who I thought I had ti be to be good. It took me a good therapist to realize that my goals of perfection and superhuman abilities made it so I was doomed to fail every time. If your notion of success is an impossible goal, it would help to reevaluate it. You are only a failure if you define yourself as one. You hold the power to define success and failure, and it is different for everyone.
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