So I have GAD and OCD, harm and POCD. Up until a month or so ago I had been spike free for 2 years. I was so happy and free. The best I’ve ever felt. I was able to go off my meds and really enjoy life again. I guess a month or so ago I could feel my anxiety creeping in due to being stuck at home from Covid. Things just began spiraling and here I am back in another POCD spike. Same theme different worries every day. I’m back on new meds but it’s only been 3 weeks so Idk how well they’re working. I guess I’m posting because I’m really upset I spiraled after doing so well and I’m really upset it’s the same theme. That makes me feel like more of a bad person. Like what if it’s not OCD? Yes I know that’s the OCD talking. Ugh why can’t I just be worry free??? Have any of you been doing well and spiked with the same theme?

I suffered for a really long time (approx 2 years) with Real Event/False Memory ROCD. This led to a long period of chronic guilt, rumination, mental review and confessing. I sought help last year and finally realised I had OCD (hurrah) and wasn’t totally losing my mind. I felt as though I was (prior to diagnosis) when I told my therapist… “no matter what, I’m having the same thought over and over and every time I think I’ve found a way out of it, it comes back”. I felt really suicidal and could not see my way out of it for a while. I found a lot of help online with Instagram which led me to finding NOCD and a number of their therapists. I actually started NOCD therapy last year and was finally ridding myself of these horrible shackles and seeing that my life didn’t have to be defined by memories, mistakes and fears. However, unfortunately I fell ill and a number of life changing events happened (lost a beloved pet, was in and out of hospital, my stepdad became seriously ill and hospitalised) so I gave up therapy for the time being. Since, I’ve found myself distracted from my fears, I suppose I had a new theme to focus on (my health), I’d not realised it had become compulsive but I suppose it had. Anyway, it’s been a few months and I am still unwell but finding a way around it. I also have some great news in my life, I found out I’m pregnant and am beginning a new chapter in my life and am adapting to the changes and fears that come with that. Unfortunately 2 days ago I was floored by my old obsessions, back with vengeance with none of my old tools able to help again. I’m catching myself ruminating, I am noticing old patterns of mental review returning, here I am with that gut wrenching fear in my stomach constantly and words on my tongue ready to confess to things I may or may not have done (who knows!?). I feel so unprepared for this return of old fears… I thought I’d done well and almost become un-fearful again? I’m not sure where to go from here, I’ve enquired about some ERP again and am taking those steps. I’ve grabbed my old OCD books and am ready to remind myself to step out of those cycles. But I can’t help but feel devastated that the same old scary patterns have grabbed me again. Anyone have any top tips for coping in the meantime whilst arranging some ERP again 🪴

Anyone else feel like their worst ocd theme is harm? I have several themes but I’d rather experience any of mine than my harm ocd. When I get anxious over my harm ocd, I’m miserable but when I don’t get anxious, my ocd latches on to “oh so you like this? Could you do this? Do you want to?” Ugh. I just hope someone understands or can respond bc I’m in a bad flare and just want to know I’m not alone 😔. Mine was personally triggered by the Idaho murder thing that I keep seeing on Tik tok. I made myself watch dateline about it for ERP so I’m sitting with all the anxiety right now and I can’t stop ruminating. He had OCD (the criminal who did it) so of course that has me legit spiraling. 😣😣😣😣

The first time I experienced pure OCD was about 2 years ago. Although it was hard, I have been able to come out of each theme that I experience and manage them with time. I haven't had an OCD episode in MONTHS until yesterday. I was able to get out of it after a couple of hours and then had a normal day. However, this morning I woke up "checking" to see if my OCD was still there. I felt extremely stuck and I'm not sure how to get out of this one. I'm super down and anxious because I feel that I was making great progress and now I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm also not sure how to get out of this "theme" when I'm not even sure what this theme is - like my mind just keeps checking to see if I'm ok and not letting OCD get to me as I try to get through my daily tasks, which makes no sense. Has this ever happened to anyone / does anyone else feel this way?