So I have GAD and OCD, harm and POCD. Up until a month or so ago I had been spike free for 2 years. I was so happy and free. The best I’ve ever felt. I was able to go off my meds and really enjoy life again. I guess a month or so ago I could feel my anxiety creeping in due to being stuck at home from Covid. Things just began spiraling and here I am back in another POCD spike. Same theme different worries every day. I’m back on new meds but it’s only been 3 weeks so Idk how well they’re working. I guess I’m posting because I’m really upset I spiraled after doing so well and I’m really upset it’s the same theme. That makes me feel like more of a bad person. Like what if it’s not OCD? Yes I know that’s the OCD talking. Ugh why can’t I just be worry free??? Have any of you been doing well and spiked with the same theme?

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

Anyone else feel that when they aren’t experiencing a theme that their ocd is almost non existent. It almost makes me feel like I’ve been faking it, and also makes me feel ridiculous for obsessing over things. I feel sorry for myself :/ I know that my themes are valid and felt very real in the moment, but after I “get over” them I just can’t believe that I was obsessing over something that either wasn’t true or didn’t apply to me. I would also like to know how to prevent themes from reoccurring. Health, religion and existential OCD themes tend to take turns throughout my life, I just didn’t know that was it ocd. Trying to break the cycle.

I'm new to NOCD, but not new to my own OCD journey. I was diagnosed in 2017 and usually experience relationship obsessions. Medication helped me tremendously and I was able to tackle and overcome the anxiety I felt when my husband and I first got together. Fast forward to now. My best friend has decided to casually enter the dating world again and that terrifies me. The fact that it scared me triggered an HOCD spiral, that I think I've now gotten myself out of. I just feel pathetic for being so fearful that my friend is going to realize she's too good for me and leave me behind once she has a partner. I know this likely stems from my own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, but my OCD has latched itself to this fear and I've been catching myself falling into old habits that I thought I'd overcome. I don't want to be living under the cloud again. Just looking for some encouragement or someone else who understands what this feels like.