So I have GAD and OCD, harm and POCD. Up until a month or so ago I had been spike free for 2 years. I was so happy and free. The best I’ve ever felt. I was able to go off my meds and really enjoy life again. I guess a month or so ago I could feel my anxiety creeping in due to being stuck at home from Covid. Things just began spiraling and here I am back in another POCD spike. Same theme different worries every day. I’m back on new meds but it’s only been 3 weeks so Idk how well they’re working. I guess I’m posting because I’m really upset I spiraled after doing so well and I’m really upset it’s the same theme. That makes me feel like more of a bad person. Like what if it’s not OCD? Yes I know that’s the OCD talking. Ugh why can’t I just be worry free??? Have any of you been doing well and spiked with the same theme?

I'm new to NOCD, but not new to my own OCD journey. I was diagnosed in 2017 and usually experience relationship obsessions. Medication helped me tremendously and I was able to tackle and overcome the anxiety I felt when my husband and I first got together. Fast forward to now. My best friend has decided to casually enter the dating world again and that terrifies me. The fact that it scared me triggered an HOCD spiral, that I think I've now gotten myself out of. I just feel pathetic for being so fearful that my friend is going to realize she's too good for me and leave me behind once she has a partner. I know this likely stems from my own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, but my OCD has latched itself to this fear and I've been catching myself falling into old habits that I thought I'd overcome. I don't want to be living under the cloud again. Just looking for some encouragement or someone else who understands what this feels like.

does anyone else with this theme feel like their suic. ocd skyrockets when something in your life happens?? i’ve been doing so good managing these thoughts and not panicking, but i had a event happen in my life and all of them are back hitting hard. i’m arguing with myself on whether im actually depressed or not and “what if this means my thoughts are real”, it’s all what if thoughts, but because ive been doing so good with them, what if they are real this time? like im panicking again because im scared they are real? like i’m not depressed im just going through a few things right now. idk what it is. but i really need tips on how to help with setbacks and what to do to stop myself from arguing with my mind when i already know the truth.

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…