So I scheduled an appointment with my therapist when I was suicidal and now I’m super embarrassed to tell her anything tomorrow

About the beginning to middle of February I went into the doctor and requested to see a counselor. I’m starting to see a counselor about anxiety in a few days and I’m extremely nervous. I’m nervous my counselor is going to say I have to break up with my bf otherwise I’ll be stuck with ocd for the rest of my life. I’m nervous my counselor is going to think I’m crazy and not know anything about ocd. I’m nervous my counselor is going to tell my aunt how crazy and messed up I am because my aunt works in the clinic I’m going to therapy at, and if she tells my aunt everyone in my family may find out. I’m nervous I’m going to hell because I’m going to counseling and not fully leaning on God instead to fix it all for me. I’m nervous I’m a bad Christian for going to therapy and not believing Jesus is going to fix it all. I’m nervous that my future is ruined because of my mental health. I’m worried that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because I’m too much to handle and too anxious. I’m just scared for my future because of my ocd and because I am not as passionate about my faith as I used to be so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell for that or like my sister is going to die because of her seizures because of my ocd. Idk I’m so scared.

Today I had my follow up appointment with my psychologist, I left feeling worse, I loved the psychologist I spoke to last time he was very informed and understanding, this time I got an appointment with someone who he supervises and I feel like she didn't allow me to speak, she didn't allow me to explain my thoughts or feelings, she told me I have to take my medication or she won't be able to continue helping me, which I understand but im terrified of medication I can't get over it, she said if i start the prozac and it doesn't work then I'll have to get on antipsychotics which seems a bit extreme to me considering i have no psychotic symptoms matter of fact she didn't even allow me to explain my symptoms and i feel like there's so many other antidepressants that could work before getting on antipsychotics🙁 this didn't help me at all considering the episode of ocd i just got through was about me becoming psychotic, I just feel let down and misunderstood, I almost felt as if she was mad at me for the buspar not working she said "you didn't really try it you just took it for a week so if you stopped it it's like you gave up on yourself" but it kept me up 2 nights in a row and i couldnt function from the anxiety 😞

my appointment with the psychiatrist is months away and still need to confirm everything but after talking with my therapist last night I just feel even more scared. Like scared I'm not going to provide enough info and then she'll tell me that nothing is wrong then all of this is for nothing. Of course, id love for there to be nothing wrong with me and to feel none of these things that have been bothering for so long. But the fear of being told that there isn't when its causing so much worry... it's making me really anxious. But it also makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm just looking for attention or making something out of nothing. Even though I know very well it isn't nothing. I know that people sometimes take years or even decades to get help or get a diagnosis that actually fits what they've experiencing and im scared of that too.