vent below- so i’m going to be as transparent as possible ever since this started about 3 months ago in may. i felt tortured sometimes i still do. one thought sent me into a spiral of questioning everything. a thought so disgusting it made me stop eating. i didn’t want to wake up and i couldn’t go to sleep i would drink some nyquil for nights on end to try to sleep and i didn’t care what it was doing to me because i just wanted to sleep and do nothing but sleep. i didn’t even want to wake up and sometimes i still don’t. i couldn’t understand why all this was just happening to me everything that i was so sure of and felt safe with became a blur. from one day to the next to months. and i would isolate myself from days on end and keep my distance from family members because i was just so scared of myself and i would cry about it and no one understood what i was going through and they still don’t. i don’t have a diagnosis but i know that something is definitely going wrong up there and lately i’m trying to cope with it better and do the best i can and eat and wake up and try to sleep earlier and be the best person that i can be and i know that it’s super scary feeling like you aren’t you and suddenly it’s like you’re a monster on the inside that no one sees but i promise you that you aren’t. day by day i believe in all of you that the sun will shine a little brighter and the pain will numb bit by bit. crying for days on end was living hell and living was what i didn’t want anymore and sometimes i still don’t but it’s a working progress. find the strength in yourself. treat yourself with kindness and love because you’re the only one who understands at the end of the day the hell that your mind might put you through. try to overcome it. i know it hurts and you want to feel the way you did before all this happened and maybe somehow you can feel the way you once did and not obsess over the things you’re feeling or thinking. to just feeling peace with yourself. some families or your family might not understand but i believe in all of you and what you’re going through and what you’re fearing is valid. you’re valid and you can handle all this. take it day by day. no matter how much anxiety you might feel. even if it feels like fear is consuming you sometimes. you’ll survive this and overcome many more things because you’re strong. so be you and be brave. you don’t have to talk to your demons alright.