I was having such a good day these past three days! Tonight my mother in law stopped by unexpectedly (I'm already bad with that) and we had a brief, distanced visit out doors. But what threw me was she had this awful smoker's cough and I cant calm down now. No one was in a mask and I think my hubby was JUST 6 feet from her. I'm trying to remember Cdc guidelines and nothing more but I'm having obsessions and could not deny my compulsion to hold my breath while she coughed and then come in and shower and ask my husband to shower. I dont think my husband held his breath. I know she isnt sick right now but my brain is losing it because like also what if shes asymptomatic? Ugh today was the first day I was relaced enough to ACTUALLY yawn and stretch and when it happened I was like "wow, I actually cant remember the last time I yawned and stretched!" And I thought it was such an accomplishment. Especially since we did groceries last night and that's usually a trigger too. Now my stomach is in knots and my shoulders are up to my ears and im so scared.

I want not to get covid. So thatd a hard one.

I haven't had any therapy for ocd , so I'm a bit ignorant ( not sure if that's the right wording) to treatment techniques . But with the covid being a real threat isn't it ok to reassure someone that they have done the right thing and are ok . I keep reading that it's feeding the ocd but I keep thinking the covid real so unless the person is going beyond what is needed then reassurance would be ok and welcomed... Please put me straight if this is the wrong way for me to look at it . I struggle bad with covid and I am excessive , I don't touch my groceries for 2 weeks etc and still use gloves after . Been isolated for 6 months and don't go anywhere in public

@ARTnotOCD thank you for fighting with my ocd and also recognizing these are irrational ocd thoughts. I am so petrified of this virus and disease but I will try to sit with the idea that I may get it from her or I may get it somewhere else down the line. I hate it so much but you arent wrong.

@bonjess @bonjess I struggle with the standard ocd treatments and a real threat of death/pandemic too. But I think it's because as much as the threat is real, we make our lives worse with ocd tendencies. For a time, I wasnt touching my groceries for a week. That led to additional fear around them. I keep them on some racking in my basement (dont have a big enough pantry) and I feared my cats were climbing up and rubbing up against them. I feared that maybe I rubbed up against them whole walking by. I feared my husband was reaching in and sneaking snacks before the week was up and spreading the virus around the house. But all of that is technically irrational a d making my life very difficult for no reason. So we have worked to bring it down to 3 days since that is what the cdc says for plastic surfaces. Truly I have to work towards not storing them at all because the cdc says you dont have to wipe them down or store them but I will never want that because to me that's too high risk. Similarly, I made my life extra hard last night because I hid out in my room (I dont even sleep with my husband anymore) for 3 hours ruminating and wouldnt make supper. Despite the fact that the situation I was in was following all guidelines. We were 6 feet, we were outdoors, she tried her best to cover her cough, shes not (currently) sick. And if I want not to cry in my room everytime I see someone cough or sneeze, I have to accept the fact that covid might happen to me. I'm extra sensitive because my husband had presumptive covid in march/april and I went BONKERS every single day sanitizing, crying and not sleeping on fear he was going to die or I was going to catch it and we were both going to die and my cats would rot and die in our house. But normal people dont have those extreme thoughts. So to some extent some ocd work with this virus is needed.

@catattak Thank you for your response . We are so similar , imagine us living together ? We'd be like the doomsday preppers ? I hear completely what you are saying and following the cdc guidelines should be a must . I am working towards that , I just have to get the what iffs out of my head and trust the experts

@bonjess I have a really hard time trusting my government and the CDC. At the time my husband got sick, we were taking every single precaution. Only going out once every 2 weeks for groceries, working from home, we were disinfecting, not seeing anyone, leaving shoes in the garage and showering when we got home etc. He still got.sick and I believe it's because masks were discouraged at the time. I just feel like its SO hard to trust them when I was let down before. I feel betrayed, as if they were like "trust us and follow our guidelines. Oh just kidding, we didnt know what we were doing, but definitely trust us this time!"

@catattak I feel ya on this. The back and forth on masks in the beginning was unfortunate. One thing to remember is that this is a novel virus. It’s new, so especially in the beginning, there was even a learning curve for the scientists and doctors. The more they can actually study something, the more sound their recommendations are.

@bonjess OCD often latches onto real, rational fears and then blows them out of the water. Unfortunately, when in an OCD spiral, reassurance strengthens the fear rather than quelching it. There’s times before the spiral is too strong that it can be ok to ask/answer a question ONLY 1 TIME. The problem is OCD wants more and more. Like whack-a-mole, you answer it once, and then it wants to keep popping up more.

@ARTnotOCD @ARTnotOCD which is why OCD can run so rampant. We realize not everything is known, so we go above and beyond with what WE think are protective measures. I personally feel 6 feet is incorrect. And my OCD says, "well if 6 feet is maybe wrong, 10 feet is better. Or maybe even 15" and that's when spiralling happens. Ya know "if 3 days if good for surfaces, 7 is better. And 14 feels like a better guarantee". I also get the thoughts of like "theres so much we dont know, and it would be my luck to be the Guinea pig that something new is discovered on". I dont sleep with my husband because I moved out when he got sick and then when he was cleared, I had too much anxiety that he wasnt and I got sick. Now (unrelated) I also have a tumor growing on my thyroid and I'm scared the biopsy will come back as cancer and my immune system will get pooched by chemo. It's a series of events that are not great, but compounded by OCD.

@catattak **to be clear, I didnt get sick with covid. I think the stress I'm experiencing made me I'll. It's been months and many negative covid tests

@catattak Yes, exactly! Sorry to hear about you and your husband. I hope you can both feel healthy enough to go back soon. I also know a fair bit about thyroid issues because I was diagnosed with one WELL BEFORE my OCD diagnosis. What I can tell you about thyroid illnesses is that while they are no fun, they are still some of the easier ones to treat with some of the best outcomes. Because the thyroid is the only place in the body that absorbs iodine, in more extreme cases radioactive iodine can be used to weaken an overactive thyroid or otherwise treat thyroid growths or cancer. Even if you had that treatment, it would maybe mean having to sleep away from your husband for a little longer, but it would not devastate your whole body the way chemo does. Sending you healthy, non-ruminating wishes. ?

@ARTnotOCD Thank you so much for the info on thyroid disorders. I know nothing about them!