had an episode a few hours ago & my boyfriend held my hand and told me it was going to be alright while i cried. a guilt washed over me after that - i appreciate the love he shows but i’m so sorry to him seeing all of this. would anyone have any advice for this kind of shame ? sending flowers to everyone tonight 🌻🌼🌸💐

I’m suffering from ROCD and yesterday I felt so overwhelmed with everything that I suddenly bursted into tears in front of my boyfriend. I wanted to break up and told him that I feel very uncomfortable since a few weeks and that I miss my home and my family. I just wanted to run away. He didn’t know that I wanted to break up, he calmed me and took me in his arms. Then we fell both asleep and I was doing better afterwards. But now I feel ao devastated that I had this break up urge. I don’t know what to do now. I want to stay with him. This conversation yesterday changed my point of view. But I feel the need to confessto him what I wanted to say yesterday. But he would be so devastated. I feel so lost 🥺 I love him and I want to stay.

I don’t know if I’ll ever live a day without thinking about and feeling guilt about my real event. But I’ve accepted the fact that maybe I won’t ever will, and while that is quite daunting, I’ve struggled a lot during these past few months with just living and doing anything but lying in misery about it. I found it really hard to get out of bed to do anything, and I was just completely empty. While I haven't made huge progress now, I can attest that I've moved more than I did before, and that matters to me. I still don't feel great, and I actually will never be able to go back to a time when I wasn't plagued by this, but everything has led me to my present, and the way I deal with it is important regardless of whether I like it or not. There's no use moping over the past. So while my event and guilt won't be going anywhere, I'm trying not to put a pause on everything because of it. It's depressing at times knowing how I just have this one life on earth to do anything. So there's a lot of shame and guilt knowing how I've had this event in my life and that there's no way back to it to correct it. It makes me hopeless, but at the same time, it is also a driving force for wanting to be good, do better, and learn from my mistakes because, again, this is the only life I have here. So if I don't make a positive difference, then it's like I've done nothing better to right my mistakes and make a change from the past. It's one of the main things that I'm trying to stay steadfast about instead of falling into that hole of despair and nothingness. I hope everyone here, regardless of whatever they're suffering from, is able to be kind to themselves and hold on through their struggles. It's tough right now, but hopefully we can all get to a point where it won't be any longer. And most importantly, try to live in the present, as that is what serves you and what you have direct control over to make a change right now. Sending much love to everyone who's struggling and finding it hard right now ❤️‍🩹

Idk if this is the right place to post this. But i feel like such a burden to the people around me because of my anxiety. I woke up this morning super stressed over a dream that reminded me of some messed up moments from my past. My girlfriends kinda listened but i mostly felt ignored. Then we all got in the car to drive my sister to the airport. And on the way, i started to get anxious cus of al the traffic. But it wasnt rlly that, it was the fact that no one seemed to care or wanna help me when i said i was anxious. So i asked if i could just hop out of the car and walk. I felt like such an attention seeker, and my girlfriend got annoyed and took the next exit and dropped me off. But i feel like such a little bitch cus my girlfriend was able to handle everything n i left her to come back alone from the airport. I dont feel like a man or like im capable of anything right now. I wish i could redo it all so that it never happened. I feel like i gave up so easily when tryna handle my anxiety n im ashamed of myself