Will this program get rid of my thoughts? Reducing anxiety and ocd isn’t enough for me. I need these thoughts to go away completely. Am I doomed?

But it bothers my boyfriend. It’s ruining my relationship. I can’t get to the bottom of why these thoughts are happening. He wants them gone too. Not being anxious about it isn’t enough

@JKinhistory I totally get where you're at - OCD has caused problems in my relationship too. But getting rid of your thoughts entirely is just not a reality. Would your boyfriend expect you to completely eradicate all thoughts about coffee? Or your work? It anything else? You wouldn't be able to right? Hopefully you and your partner can find a way to work on this together as a couple.

@JKinhistory Are you telling him your thoughts repeatedly?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie It’s a compulsion of mine, definitely. And he used to be very supportive and understanding. Now, he’s just fed up. It’s been like 9 months since I started. Now, he doesn’t want to know. And if I don’t tell him, it’s like I’m lying to him. Yesterday, I had a bunch of thoughts and I hid it well, didn’t let it ruin my day. And he told me that he felt like I was 100 with him and I told him the truth (he hates liars) and he flipped out on me. Says he feels deceived. Which doesn’t help me because my anxiety stems from the feeling like I’m lying to him. It’s ruining my life. Thoughts of my past, my relationship, my interactions and relationships with men. My fixations on other men. Need for attention? Idk

@JKinhistory I'm seeing two issues here. There's the OCD compulsions. Confessing is hurting both of you. But then there's a relationship issue. He seems to believe that in a relationship, partners must tell each other everything. That's a recipe for disaster. His own thinking errors are causing problems too.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie He believes in transparency. No secrets. We had a lot of issues in the beginning of our relationship (almost 2 years now) about my past that I lied to him about time and time again. It came to a point where the moment I started telling him everything, the truth, and everything, this started.

@JKinhistory There's a difference between secrets and things that are private.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie He doesn’t believe in that either. That between two people who love each other and want to marry each other, nothing about the other person should be private. He is honest with me about everything and always told me everything. No one will change his mind on that

@JKinhistory Honestly this belief would be a deal breaker for me. I can't imagine this not becoming toxic

@NOCD Advocate - Katie But the idea of transparency is appealing no? That you and your partner are one. That you two know everything and anything about the other person. He knows me so well, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to get to know me in the same depth. Sometimes I feel like he knows me better than I know myself. Sometimes I don’t know who I am or my intentions. He can say you probably would do xyz and I think, damn, maybe I would. Omg how could I. I can say I wouldn’t, but then maybe I would. I’m not confident in anything anymore, it seems Also, my thoughts about other men/my past/my lying/ my “relationship ocd” has made me into a toxic person and this relationship is hanging by a thread.

@JKinhistory Transparency about important things is good. What you're describing isn't that. You're describing no boundaries and codependence

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Right, that was his goal. To have no boundaries with each other and be codependent. Which as described, seems ideal and important. I’ve read that codependency in a relationship is what to strive for.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie For example, think about transparency in government. When a leader is transparent, they bring up issues that impact their constituents, describe how they gathered information, list two or three options they considered, disclose the decision they made, and explain the reasoning for that decision. They don't share every thought that comes into their head, encourage media to follow their every move and attend every meeting they have, or bring their private life into all public discussions.

Based on what? That we tell each other everything? Without knowing everything, it’s unfair to make a judgment. Every relationship is different.

@JKinhistory Sure, I can’t know everything about your relationship. But if you’re trying to banish thoughts you can’t control, and if your boyfriend demands to know everything, that’s not a mixture conducive to the happiness of either of you.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett He just doesn’t want me having thoughts to begin with. He doesn’t want to feel like I’m 100 percent present with him but really in my own world. Which I can understand him

@JKinhistory Expecting perfection is unhealthy. It is impossible to give someone 100 percent attention all the time and it is unreasonable for him to expect it of you. At the very least, he is reinforcing OCD's thinking traps. I recommend going to therapy together if possible.

@JKinhistory He’s asking something that can’t possibly be fulfilled.