(Existential OCD) Hello everyone, I am not necessarily looking for reassurance because I know that is hallmark for OCD, but I have been struggling deeply with exhausting mental obsessions. I don’t have any physical compulsions but I find that I can not stop my mind from spouting ideas that really bother me. I’ve already seemingly dealt with my Health OCD and my Harm OCD but of course there is no end to things you can be afraid of. Lately (as seen in the title), I have been dealing with the extremely uncomfortable and entirely new to me, existential OCD. Never have I faced an OCD that has caused me so much frustration for such an extended period of time. For those that are sensitive to these things, I will be giving examples now. Recently, I think it started out with a fear of losing touch with reality and never being able to come back but I have been dealing with thoughts like “what if everything is only a perceived illusion made by the mind?” Or “what if everything is fake”. I obviously don’t believe these things to be true or else I wouldn’t be messaging on this forum but I am experiencing extreme, discomfort and it’s been hard for me to find any peace at all. It feels as if my thoughts are spiraling and are putting me in a place that I thought I climbed out of. This all dates back to a acid trip my friend had years ago, where he thought he wasn’t his body and thought that everyone was fake. He eventually came down but it really shook me that someone could believe these things to be true. I think ever since then I have had an extreme fear of these things and now I am terrified that I am going to believe these things and eventually go mad. Have any of you experienced these things or have any idea on how to get out of this terrible spiral? How do I do ERP for something like this? Thank you for your help. Christian,

Christian, we all have these kind of thoughts. Whether we have OCD or not. The truth is, no one knows if anything is real. Your perception is your reality. All we know is our perception. So, as difficult as this is, you just have to accept these thoughts. So what if everything is fake? So what if everything is an illusion? As difficult as it is, accept the uncertainty. We all have to do this, whether we struggle with this disorder or not. The truth of the matter is that no one knows anything for certain about anything. It’s hard to accept, but you just have to do it. Also if it helps you, if everything WAS fake we probably wouldn’t exist and have awareness right now. I hope this answer is helpful for you, not hurtful. But when it comes down to it, there isn’t much more I can say besides you have to accept the uncertainty. No one can know anything for sure, and that’s okay.

Thanks Pineapples, I am trying very hard to “accept the things I can not change”. It’s just hard when it makes me feel a distance from people. I don’t want to actually believe the thoughts of course. Which I know won’t actually happen but I wish I could just dive into the pool of acceptance with open arms. For some reason it is incredibly hard for me to do so. I thank you for your response. I’ve just never struggled with this kind of OCD and am learning its new mask and costume.

I think this is called Pure OCD

I think that all forms of OCD essentially work the same way. Regardless of what the theme is. So whichever way you got past your other obsessions, is essentially the way you will get through this one as well. Same disorder, just switches forms. It seems your obsession is a fear of going crazy, is that correct?

Yeah, I would say that is definitely the over arching theme of it. The thoughts of perceived reality are essentially under the umbrella of the fear of me believing these things are true eventually. My father is essentially a mad man who got hooked on meth and is homeless. I think logically that’s where the fear arose. I have been really trying to tackle my OCD head on that last few months but this one has me stumped. Trying to stay positive but it’s hard to sometimes of course.

Are you able to see a specialist who would be able to best help you? What compulsion are you performing in response to this?

I don’t really perform compulsions do my knowledge. I guess just going over thoughts constantly might be it.

I am currently in therapy but I am not sure if they are specialists.

Mental compulsions are still compulsions even though sometimes it can be harder to recognize we’re doing them than a physical one.

Yeah, I definitely go over and check my memory often and check and re-check my mind the same as one would a door handle. I keep checking to make sure my thoughts are all lining up.

Here’s a link that may be of some help to you: https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/pure-ocd/

You mentioned that this obsession has been particularly distressing for you, so I think it would be very beneficial for you to get help from your therapist for this one who can hopefully help you with the ERP.

Thank you! Christian,