Another nausea, panic attack and meltdown. Just spent three hours “stuck” in the bathroom.

I'm keeping it light hearted but I really desperately need some help. Just to preface this is very tmi. I thought it was just gonna be a quick bathroom stuff. No! That would be silly of course, so number two decided to screw things up ROYALLY. And please bear with me because I am coping with humour 😭😭. So I went, but sometimes, tmi, I struggle to.... Get it all. Out. If you know what I mean. Which is pretty awful to the point I'm like genuinely praying. Because you can't clean up properly if you're not done. So I'm in the bathroom, trying, for over half an hour. And I finally give up pretty much and try and clean up. Oh no, that was a huge mistake. But what else could I do? It was so messy that I wanted to just get in the shower and be done with it. Onto the things I'm worrying about I guess. On the tp (tmi, I'm WARNING 😭😭) it was.... Messy, and there were very loose specks on the tp. Which is an issue, because I used wet wipes which needs to be binned and not flushed, so I have to carry the tp-wipe combo over to the bin, which means carrying it over where my legs are, and thus where my clothes also are. I hate it. I'm now paranoid specks fell into my underwear! Great! Love it. I'm also paranoid specks or just #2 in general went on my hand. And, believe me, with the state of things, it was POSSIBLE. So when I'm finally done and wash my hands, of course that isn't going to feel like enough. I have really short nails, so short they're painful, and I'm always terrified stuff gets under them. So, I use a nail brush while washing my hands. I also filed them down (which HURT) because I'm convinced that could get rid of anything underneath them. But it still doesn't feel enough. Because I have loose skin and hangnails around my nails, and I'm paranoid as well that stuff gets under dry skin. Not to mention my hands are so dry from washing that they're cracked and flaky and they peel, so I am worried that #2 or dirt gets under the flakes of skin. I know it sounds stupid, but I am so scared. Usually it feels irrational but it was such a state that I'm convinced there must be a speck of it on me somewhere. On my hands. And I'm terrified. I know I need to accept uncertainty but I'm struggling right now.

i’ve been doing okay lately. but then tonight, my stomach started hurting and obviously that set off an anxiety spiral for my emetaphobia. and it went on for about an hour or so when i started feeling better and being more rational with myself. then all of a sudden, i’m hit with a second wave because my stomach started hurting again that i’m still going through. i’ve been having second waves of anxiety recently when i get anxiety attacks and they’re probably worse than the initial hit because i start to think “oh wait, maybe i am sick.” and i’m still not out of it and i’m currently terrified. i know the anxiety is making my stomach worse, but i cannot calm myself down when it hits. so i have an ice pack on my neck, heating pad on my stomach, turned my lights off, turned my fan on and have my tv on for background. i’m trying my best not to take a zofran but it’s getting hard

Today I woke up with severe panic attack. My heart jumps out of my chest. As I do every morning. When I wake up and my brain is awake it automatically goes straight to intrusive thoughts about my partner, my life and everything else. That I don’t love her, I don’t want to be with her and she’s not the one for me and I should break up with her. This all happened from TikTok comments I saw that triggered this. Since then I haven’t been able to stop my thoughts. I know she is the one for me I know I love her I just can’t stop the thoughts. It feels so real. The voices feel so real.