I really feel like im not going to be able to survive at my job. Customers are so rude as I get thats a part of life but its really stressful and I also get times are tough right now but its tough for me as well. This is my first job and its terrifying and I feel trapped and destined to fail:(.

I just get so much anxiety before every shift it makes it not seem worth it

@?? I feel like a failure for not being able to handle it

@?? Totally not a failure. Even if this doesn’t pan out for you, it doesn’t mean there isn’t something else that will. You’re trying, and that’s what counts. Can I be super nosy and ask how long you’ve been at the job now? And can I share a funny story? I used to volunteer at a therapy ranch where they use horses in therapy. Well, I discovered I’m scared of horses. One day, the instructor found me in tears, terrified to go into the pasture. Lol. I wasn’t even the one there for therapy! I gave it *two whole stinking years.* I was still scared around horses at the end o two years and decided “You know what? I gave it a good go. There are other things I can try.”

@Alyosha That was a great story it made me laugh thank you 💜😂 and only two weeks all together so I feel like I sound ridiculous but in my two weeks I've already had horrible experiences for one I was called a nazi one day. I work at a grocery store so its almost impossible not to see rude people and I get so anxious when I mess up or people are rude to me. I want to keep trying but it seems impossible I work tomorrow and I'm already sitting here crying. This is my first job and it makes me think I won't be able to do this in the future when I have to make my own living. I feel trapped :\

@?? That sounds really hard. I bet you end up surprising yourself, though. Can I ask, as you sit there the night before, crying, anxious about work, are you able to notice what specific thoughts are fueling the anxiety?

@Alyosha Just that I'm going to mess up and people are going to yell at me and im not going to be able to handle it

@?? Gotcha. So, “What if I make mistakes, and people get upset with me, and I just completely lose it, make a fool of myself, and prove I’m incapable of taking care of myself because if I can’t handle a grocery store job, then what could I handle?” Kinda like that?

@Alyosha Exactly!

@?? So somebody has already called you a Nazi. How did you react when that happened?

@Alyosha I just was in shock and kind of laughed because I knew it was crazy and that situation wasn't my fault but with other times I've messed up and people have yelled at me I feel as though if people get mad its my fault because I messed up so then I get upset

@?? Like if I accidentally overcharge someone or something then I feel like its my fault if they yell at me

@?? So with the Nazi thing, you were able to create some distance because you didn’t make a mistake. But sometimes, you do make a mistake (like over-charging someone) and when people yell at you, you feel like you deserve it and their treatment of you confirms your fears that you’ll never be good at this and are destined to be a failure.

@Alyosha Yes exactly and as we speak im having horrible anxiety because I start work soon

@Alyosha I’ve got to go, but I don’t want to leave you hanging. How customers react isn’t your responsibility. You don’t deserve to be yelled at when you make a mistake, but it’s OK for you to grant them the space to go a little ballistic. They aren’t angry at you. There’s something else going on and they’re taking it out on you. In the future, you will make mistakes. You will make epic mistakes. You might even lose it. But that’s ok. We all do that. Every customer in your line, every coworker in your store, have all made mistakes. We learn from them. I have made big mistakes. I picked a fight with a customer, went ballistic, I was yelling and crying. I sobbed on the phone to a friend. I left work early. And then I went back to work the next day. I’m not a failure. I made a mistake. When customers get mad at you today, pretend for a minute you’re their therapist (lol) and be the person who can hold space for them and let them be upset without it being a judgement against you. They will be in and out of your life in five minutes, and a much more pleasant customer will take their place and probably even give you a knowing look that says “What was *his* problem?” It’s ok to be scared. Go make some mistakes today. Learn that you are strong enough to cope with it. You’ll be fine. 😊 And let me know how the day goes!

@Alyosha Hey, sorry for the late reply work went okay. Yet I'm still having this anxiety before every shift. I don't know what to do anymore. Its not subsiding at all.

@?? I’m sorry you’re struggling. I think finding a good therapist would be a great idea. What do you think?

@Alyosha I have one but I have to wait another 17 days just to see them.

@?? Where do you live?

@Alyosha Canada so its free but wait times are kind of ridiculous

@?? I understand. Could you pay for more frequent therapy? I feel like you could use more one-on-one, face-to-face time skills training on how to handle this anxiety. I don’t think quitting your job is going to be helpful to you in the long run. I could be wrong.