♡~ "I'm trying my best. But everyday is so hard. Holding my breath til I can say all of the words from my heart." "I'm trying my best to be okay." I don't know the perfect road to go down." And I'm trying and trying anyway because I choose to and I love to live, no matter how hard things are. Deep down I love to be alive. -> I've felt like a mother and father for over a decade, whilst going through my own issues, disorders, disabilities, and an (hidden) addiction. And I still chose to be a sister, a parent whenever needed, and also a friend even when I needed one the most. All just for my kid brother. I love him. And I think I now see why I feel like I can be a man or a woman because I've had to be both growing up. The father/mother figure (from time to time), when They weren't around/busy/stressed out. It's okay. Because it was worth it. Made me a happier person in the end; the end that isn't. Every day is a new beginning. I'm told, "go to school. get a job.. get a car.. get out more.." I will always be in school, I'm learning life. I will always be working, I'm working on myself and helping those around me. I don't need a car even if I want one, I have perfect ways of transportation through biking/public bus/family and friends- I am more than capable of driving and getting a car, yet I choose to use what is available to me at this time. Get out more? I love this one. I've never been more out there than anyone I know. I'm so out there. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul - the pros to my ADD and my existentialism. Yet~getting out there..Physically~ I work on it day by day. Sometimes my body says, not today-you're in too much pain. I'm tryin my best girl. I'm tryin my best. "Tell you to go out and find what makes you come alive. I'm trying to be a good example." When I'm away when I can't stay know my heart breaks every night that I'm without you." To my kids->my kid brother, my kid cousins, and my future kids. I love you. I'm trying. And I'm trying to be a good example. Thank you for bringing color in my life and loving me the way you know how. You try and I cheer you on. All the world and wonder in your eyes, I know you're looking for what makes you alive in this world. I will always be here. Trying and Living. I'm me, I will be uniquely unusually weirdly different forever and ever yes, Because I choose to. I'm looking for what makes ME alive. "All the hurting that comes without a warning... I'm trying my best, oh god bless this mess. Most of the time I forget to pray, when I close my eyes I just say: God bless this mess.. this is as good as it's gonna get." "I'm gonna hold you like I know it's gonna be okay again. I got a hurricaine in my heart. Keep ratteling the gooder part. And honestly, I'm just an honest mess, I'm trying my best. Oh, God bless this mess." xoxo You're wonderful. You are a beauty. You are an entire world. You have a story of stories within you, all of these are your own. ♡ be kind to your body and mind and love your heart and yourself. ♡ If you read this far: I can't wait to know more about you and I hope we can be friends one day. Good day/Goodnight you. :)