I need help. Possible trigger. I finally got out of bed and walked around the apartment barefoot (I usually have some kind of protective wear on). I’ve always been scared of something stuck under my feet. (Like I would step into a mouse/rat poop unknowingly and squish it with my foot(feet) and get it stuck and that if I carry it back into bed again unknowingly, somehow it’ll go into my mouth and I would swallow it while I’m asleep). After I was ready to go back to my bed, I check my feet and what do I see? Two black spots. At this point I’m freaking out. A part of me wants to shower and other part of me wants to say f-this and go into bed. I took some pictures as I slowly got into bed. I’m crying too so now I’m triggered by my bodily fluids. I’m now laying down and not sure what to do. I’m so overwhelmed. I’m scared I have something in between my toes. Im trying to remember one of the exercises I did with my therapist about rubbing “mouse/rat poop” (which was really just a lint. But who knows maybe one was actually a poop. Like maybe one day I will step on mouse poop) all over my face and body. I’m acting like a five year old throwing temper tantrum. Yes I cried and screamed and yelled. I have a hard time controlling my emotions when I feel threatened. I ended up removing them with rubbing alcohol. But I feel everything is dirty. My bed, my legs that touched the spots, my face from crying, I want to clean everything but I know that’s not what I should be doing.

That’s really good that ur getting help and therapy. I have OCD too and it is hell. Another exercise I recommend is writing down a situation where u are walking and u step on poop or something. Soak in the emotions from his imaginary story (1st, think about the story for 5 mins, then do ur compulsion, the 2nd time for 10 mins and repeat w/ the mins going up every time). Hunger is uncertainty and reassurance is like candy to OCD, u gotta starve it. Accept these emotions and OCD will slowly loose its tight grip. We are here for u

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@Jaz I had a therapist, they stopped seeing me because I need residential level care and while my insurance agreed, they denied the coverage. I’ve used imaginary exposure for some of my compulsions but it’s hard to really bring it up to the same level of anxiety. Part of my bed and blanket are wet and there was a bottle of rubbing alcohol so there’s a good chance it’s that but there’s a good chance it could be something. Because the cap was on with the rubbing alcohol. I used the imagery to think it’s something other than the rubbing alcohol. But the more I think the more I feel like I need to disinfect and wash. I like your hunger and candy analogy. And thank you for reading and commenting.

That must be horrible. I had strong OCD too, but I have gotten help (I STILL have it, just not as much) and reduced the fear. I used to not be able to walk because of the tiles in my house and the certain numbers that they associated with. It took me forever to even wash my face bc of the tiles I was stepping on. Now I am dancing wrapping my lil bros Christmas present (with the tiles still being on the floor). You have to starve the OCD. When you get that anxious feeling think, “That could be xxx, it could not be”. Do what I said with the writing exercise. (5 mins, compulsion. 10 mins, compulsion, etc). Above all I say u NEED therapy one way or another. Another source besides this app. We are here for u and u CAN be ok!! Xo

Through this small app we can give u support, but you’ll also have to get therapy (online). I can tell your in a situation where u feel helpless, you’re not. You just need to do EVERYTHING you possibly can to get over this OCD. OCD hates uncertainty,, so it will give u things like, “But what if..” If you tell yourself, “Yea that could happen, or it couldn’t” it doesn’t give the OCD reassurance, causing its power to go more down and down every time u don’t give. Xo

Hi @Jaz. Thank you and yes I completely understand and agree but I can’t seem to get past that on the off chance I would step on poop and smear it or something. Because it’s a possibility it’s so stubborn to give me any room to let myself be okay. It’s an automatic nausea/panic attack now. And for some reason lately I can’t breathe deeply as I used to. I’m not a smoker, never was so my lungs were very strong.

Now it feels more constricted.

One of my feared ocd came true :(