- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I can relate to how you feel. This disorder, combined, with depression, left me feeling way "behind" in life. Try not to pin your self-worth on those things. You still have the choice to work toward being a person who does good things. I know that feels difficult for you right now, but I suspect you're more successful at it than you realize ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y
Sometimes it feels like I'll never get there, I feel stuck
- Date posted
- 4y
@Makki23 I hear ya. Hopefully, therapy will work out for you. Regardless, we'll be here for you ☺!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ben84 Thank you Ben :)
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm the same, I'm 6 years behind my peers in terms of education, as I dropped out of traditional schooling at 15 due to anxiety symptoms, and I can't hold down a low-demand job. I have a higher IQ than friends who are geneticists and a wider knowledge base than friends who are policy advisers. I am so *bored* with my life, I don't even have the vocabulary to describe it, yet I'm terrified of success and doubt my own ability to cope with the sudden cliff which inevitably comes at the end of this degree.
- Date posted
- 4y
I felt this.
- Date posted
- 4y
So one thing I’ve realized is that there is no set timeline on how life should go. There are people who get married young and then divorce. There are people who marry later and they never get divorced. People switch careers in their 30s and 40s. I think social media makes this worse. It feels like you are falling behind from your peers but if you look at the bigger picture there’s so many different life stories going on and they aren’t the same. Be kind to yourself. I went to a prestigious university and 5 years after graduation I’m barely keeping my job and not making as much money as I should be making. I see people from my alma mater who are really successful and then I see others who aren’t even using their degree and working at McDonald’s.
- Date posted
- 4y
You definitely have a point :) thank you
- Date posted
- 4y
@Makki23 Another thing is a lot of my friends partied too hard or had unresolved mental health issues and ended up failing or dropping out and starting again at another school when they were ready years later. I had too much pressure from my parents who didn’t take my ocd seriously and it made me party as well. The only reason I got through is because I bought adderall off of people and abused it to study and concentrate. I would’ve felt better going to college in a better mindset, even if that meant another school at an older age. I know people now who had the same kind of pressure as me and they are still struggling with alcohol and drug issues while trying to be high functioning. These are the same people that appear to have it all together on social media. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
- Date posted
- 4y
❤️ I know what it feels like to feel behind. Do you have any goals you’d like to work toward? Going from small to big? Stuff like: redecorate my room. Run a 5k. Learn to bake amazing chocolate chip cookies. Volunteer. Get a part time job. Go on a date.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you, I'll try to start small :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry you're feeling that way! It's very hard to meet external standards for yourself, usually you're imagining them anyway. What's most important is what YOU want, YOUR dreams, and YOUR standard for yourself. As long as you're listening to those things, you'll be okay ♥️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍
- Relationship OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- POCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- OCD newbies
- Date posted
- 20w
I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 15w
This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday
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