I have been doing great lately as far as not doing compulsions. But just now I have spent an hour straight googling stuffs, my main checking compulsion. Ocd is a persistent tricky jerk. We have to be on the offense all the time or OCD will attack us. I feel discouraged but at least I only spent 1 hour and not 2 hours googling stuffs like some other time in the past 🤣

Recovery isn’t a straight line ❤️

@Alyosha Not a good night for me. I did hours of compulsions. 😐 I feel so defeated. TMR is a new day. I LL try again. Already know I LL be paying for it TMR.

@Alyosha I am actually looking forward to working with a therapist. Maybe they can help me not sabotage my own progress.

@Sunflower 1234 I’m sorry! Remember, feeling defeated ≠ being defeated. So you were really Compulsive tonight. All your hard work from before still counts and you should still be proud of it. It’s ok not to be able to stop all compulsions at once. Set specific, measures, achievable, realistic, time-bound goals. I hope you have a good tomorrow ❤️

@Alyosha That would be so great if you worked with a therapist!

@Alyosha Thanks so much. I need to hear this today. Ocd lies to me and says I will never get better. But feeling is not fact. I have made so much progress and I can make progress again tomorrow. Thanks again for the encouragement.

@Sunflower 1234 You’re welcome. Yes, you can! You have such a can-do spirit.

@Sunflower 1234 Thinking about you! Hope you have a good day.

@Alyosha I am a terrible place emotionally this morning, anxious and depressed. Does your anxiety increase the next day after a day doing a lot of compulsions? Compulsions never give us peace. Ocd is the biggest liar. I am feeling horrible but I have not done any compulsions yet. I am paying for yesterday when I did so many compulsions. Ocd is a such a jerk!

@Sunflower 1234 Yeah. Compulsions reinforce the OCD, and kind of tell it “Good job finding that danger!” And so OCD feels all happy for doing a good job and decides to try even better at doing a good job finding danger. Most of the times when I resist compulsions, it’s not because the compulsion itself will take all that long or is particularly unpleasant, but if I do one, then there will be another and another and another. So a minute ago I decided “Nope. I won’t worry about the fact that my earbuds just touched something that touched something and might contaminated somebody.” And before that it was “Nope, not gonna worry about whether or not I really did that part of my job.” What do you have planned for today?

@Alyosha Good for you. Keep pressing on. You seem to be making great strides towards your recovery. I am cheering you on. You are absolutely correct. Compulsions lead to more compulsions but never peace and certainty. Ocd is a tricky persistent jerk. I don't have a lot of plans for today besides working. But now I LL try to find something fun and meaningful to do today to show OCD that it won't ruin my day.

@Alyosha Keep showing OCD you are the boss. I am so excited for you. I want you to keep having victories over OCD.

@Sunflower 1234 Absolutely

@Alyosha No it isn’t :)

@Alyosha Just wanted to provide an update: my morning was rough. I was in despair. But the afternoon was much better. I spent some time outside, did laundry, and cleaned my house. I didnt do so much compulsion. Thankful for a calmer afternoon. Glad I didn't give in and spend the whole day doing compulsions. Thanks for being there for me.

@Sunflower 1234 Thanks for the update! Great job turning your day around! I know that was a lot of hard work. You mentioned seeing a therapist soon. Have you made an appointment with someone?

@Alyosha Yes I am seeing a nocd therapist next Tuesday. So excited about it.

@Sunflower 1234 That’s great! I hope it goes well 😊

@Alyosha Thank you. How was your day?

@Sunflower 1234 Pretty good!

@Alyosha How are you doing? I wanted to respond to your other post when you said you were discouraged but I got caught up doing something else.

@Sunflower 1234 Thank you for thinking about me! Feeling better. Tired.

@Sunflower 1234 Afternoons are often difficult. My mood plummets and my depressive thoughts spiral. I need to devise a strategy.

@Alyosha I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. That is so hard. I wish I could do more to help you.

@Sunflower 1234 Is there something you can do now to make your afternoon more enjoyable?

@Sunflower 1234 Thanks! I’ve just finished work and am recouping in my car. How was your day!

@Alyosha It was okay. I just ruminated for half an hour so trying to shift my attention to something else now. 😄

Thanks. I need to focus on the positive. I did make some progress even though I backslided just now.

I never found the answer that satisfied me on Google but the temptation to google is real. I was not aware that googling is one of my compulsions until now so that is an improvement.