- Username
- Alyosha
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm pretty sure my dad and grandma both have it. Neither would admit it or even recognize it as a problem. They are totally used to people acvomodating their demands, even when they are unreadable. It's really frustrating to me that my dad is always pushing me to face fears but then turns around and is like "that food (that my mom cooked an hour ago) crossed the "food-trash" line and now we need to throw it out even though dinner isn't over and other people at the table want more"
Yeah. I think maybe when fears like that become completely rational in a person’s mind, that’s when it kind of becomes one with their personality. My mom kind of takes it for granted that my dad will accommodate her social anxiety.
How does that make you feel that he has that kind of double standard?
@Alyosha Very frustrated. More at my family than at him actually
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Oh? I’m curious as to why, if you’re comfortable sharing.
I think my mom obsesses a lot on real events but I dont know if she has compulsions. She seeks reassurance A LOT as well. I know she for sure has anxiety and depression and is traumatized from child hood abuse. I'm more convinced that my mental health issues stem from trusting someone who has mental health issues for so long. Meaning all of her irrational directions and concepts of society were what raised me. And so her anxiety and fears are the foundation for my beliefs.
This resonates with me
@Alyosha Is ocd genetic or are you thinking it is?
@catattak Not sure I understand your question. Did you maybe leave out a word?
Rumination and reassurance-seeking are both compulsions :)
My sister believes she has OCD. We think my grandfather has it as well. It helps us to relate and understand each other.
That’s great. You can talk to each other about it?
My dad is undiagnosed but I think he has health OCD. I have told him that he might have OCD but he is in denial.
How does that make you feel that he won’t recognize his own difficulty?
@Alyosha It is disappointing and frustrating. My dad is a prideful person. He doesn't listen to anyone. I honestly struggle in building a close relationship with him.
My sister has OCD, too. We live in different parts of the country, but we always feel safe visiting each other because we both know how sanitary we keep our houses. It helps that we both have the same type :) She's able to handle her fear of covid better than I am right now, so it's been beneficial to me to see her working through her anxiety.
That’s great that she can be an encouragement to you!
So many of my family members struggle with OCD issues and anxiety issues. My dad said, “It *must* be generic. So many of y’all have it.” My unspoken thought was, “If over 50% of your large family has OCD issues...there may be more than genetics going on.” Maybe raising kids in a better-safe-than-sorry, risk-averse environment isn’t such a great idea. It is nice, though, having so many people in one family who get it. We got the checkers, the washers, the Harm OCD, the SOOCD, the POCD, scrupulosity, some magical thinking... It’s like we took the YBOCS scale and decided “Ok, we gotta represent! Who wants what??”
Did your parents over protect you guys growing up? I have children and I am curious how I should raise them to minimize their chance of having OCD like me.
@Sunflower 1234 I think OCD is both genetic and environmental. I did what I could to not pass along my OCD behaviors. I wasn't overprotective like my mom was (and is, even in her 70s). So my kids aren't the fearful mess I was when I was the age they are now. Still, I see the seeds of OCD trying to sprout in my daughter. She's a great young adult with a good head on her shoulders, though, and sees that I believe good mental health is worth the fight. She'll be ready to deal with much earlier than I was.
@WhatATripp You sound like a wonderful mother. My oldest is only 5 so I cannot see any OCD tendencies in her yet. Do you have any tips to pass on to me as I raise my young children? Thanks.
@Sunflower 1234 Hm. I dunno if they overprotected us. I don’t think so? It was more a combination of their less-than-healthy tendencies and the difficult community we grew up in. Mom is afraid of direct communication, and used passive aggression to communicate. We were on edge, trying to avoid getting into trouble, or wondering why we were in trouble. We relied on the “emotional temperature” of the room to tell us if we were ok. Dad is probably legalistic: stuff like—going 5mph over the speed limit could jeopardize your salvation. And the religious community we were/are in is a whole other story that I’m still trying to process.
@Alyosha Thank you for sharing. Did your dad seek treatment for his OCD? I used to have religious OCD but my theme has evolved into something else now.
@Alyosha Religious OCD is really hard to deal with.
@Sunflower 1234 In general, the most important thing to do is remember you are not perfect. Mistakes will be made. Forgive yourself. Love without condition. Your kids are going to do some pretty stupid things as they figure out this world and their place in it. Be the person they can go to no matter what, for both love and correction, consequences and grace. I don't know what kind of OCD you have. Mine is contamination and probably perfectionism. So not going back over things kids clean when they're young and learning is very important. They dusted! (and left huge spots behind) Suck it up and leave it. Watching you fix it shows them they weren't good enough. And sows seeds of OCD. This exercise alone got me past having to do everything perfect all the time :)
@Sunflower 1234 Dad doesn’t have OCD. That’s how he believes he and everyone else should live.
@Sunflower 1234 That’s what he modeled to us.
Sure, my mum has OCPD and my sister definitely has some OCD going on. It means my sister 'gets it's and can definitely relate. I actually think having non OCD non anxious family would be more difficult and lonely.
Oh my mother also had a lot of harm OCD as a child/teen, which was also the first one I ever had. I think her personality just adapted to it really, she had a very chaotic and neglectful upbringing, so she really enjoys the feeling of control. She finds it very difficult to take her mind off it and be calm when she's in a place which feels disordered or unclean and that's where you can clearly see that it's OCD- but she doesn't see it as a big issue really, which is fair enough, and she gets a lot of enjoyment out of making her personal space feel safe and comfortable to her, and it doesn't otherwise interfere with her life or occupy her thinking time, she keeps really busy. She's actually really resilient.
i found out my younger brother possibly has trichtotillomania and my youngest brother has mild OCD over the weekend. we all have ADHD as well lol. there’s a history of mental illness in our family and unfortunately we kind of let it sit like an elephant in the room.
my dad has recovered from harm ocd but he doesn’t talk about it due to ptsd and his other mental illnesses :/
😞
My mom may not have OCD, but she definitely is a ruminator. That probably wasn't helpful to me growing up, but unlike my dad she tries to get help for her issues. This made it easier for me to feel comfortable with therapy.
I’m glad she supports your therapeutic endeavors!
My dad had it when he was younger mostly but a bit now too and my mum used to have harm OCD when she was a teenager
So they “get” your difficulties?
@Alyosha No they have seem to have forgotten or pushed it out of their minds. They think I am over reacting as they are like 'but we got through it just fine' as they don't remember what it was like.
Anyone else here’s OCD surround a family member? Like the obsessions are all about something happening to a member of the family/someone you care about?
I would love to hear more experiences from people about telling family about their OCD and associated symptoms. I don’t tell them because they would only worry, and I know I am the best one in a position to help myself. What have your experiences been telling family about your OCD?
Sometimes, when I have long periods of low trigger days, I feel like maybe I don't have OCD. Then I have a couple weeks like I'm having now, just to remind me that it's no fluke. I know life isn't fair. I'm just trying to figure out how it could have turned so wrong. There's no OCD on my family, other than myself. I have some cousins with bipolar, but that might have come from the other side of their family. No direct line above me. It really really sucks.
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