can someone please just talk to me ):

hi hello (: i was wondering if i could just get some advice on something

is it okay we just talk on here

@getwellsoon Sure

i need some advice on how to do exposures for fear of being transphobic)): or not seeing my boyfriend for him )): what would you do

@getwellsoon i’ve been watching trans tiktoks and reading articles to make myself more aware )): i don’t know what’s wrong i didn’t deal with this before

@getwellsoon Is seeing your boyfriend triggering?

@gaby. we’re long distance )): sometimes the thoughts will try to get to me while on call on him and that can be a bit distressing but i don’t want to give up

@getwellsoon with*

@getwellsoon Keep talking to him, everyday if you can! Also I think for pure o the best way to do ERP is live life and do response prevention to our thoughts themselves because essentially that’s the exposure for us. Idk how it is for you but my therapist noticed that I was so desperate to get rid of my thoughts I kept doing exposures like going on tik tok for hours an hours to make my ocd go away. So now instead she suggests I just live my life with the thoughts. That’s my new exposure! And honestly I think that is the best way to do it because your thoughts will be following you around wherever you go. So just keep applying uncertainty as hard as it is “maybe I am maybe I’m not but I won’t allow these thoughts to interfere with my life or my relationship” I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I have faith in you!

@gaby. thank you so much for the advice. it is really hard to especially when the thoughts feel so real sometimes but i know that i really don’t want to give up on us. it’s just very scary cause i want to protect him from everything. i’m really wishing you all the well with your exposures! hope it gets all the easier

@getwellsoon No problem :) ik it’s the same thing you’ve probably heard before that accepting uncertainty is the key. But yeah just live your life the way YOU want to live it not the way your OCD wants you to live. I know what you mean that the thoughts feel real, they feel very real for me too sometimes and it’s really hard but at the same time I know what I want and who I am- I think we all have some insight about the truth about ourselves it’s just SO hard with all the doubt in our heads. Thank you, and I hope it gets easier for you too!

@gaby. I needed this thank you

@luchalysol Aw good I’m glad this helped you too :)

@gaby. As soon as I try to live life, the guilt over my harm ocd kicks in. But Im trying, thank you once again for your words

@luchalysol That’s awful, and that’s very common I think to feel guilt with OCD. Even though I don’t think being gay is wrong, I feel guilt because it’s like I must have done something wrong to be plagued with these thoughts I don’t want. That’s where the guilt comes in for me- I try to analyze my past and see what I did wrong to deserve this and then I’m like yeah I do deserve this because I’m a bad daughter, bad friend, bad sister just a bad person. You’re not alone, ugh but I can’t imagine having harm ocd I mean our themes don’t necessarily matter because it’s all ocd but at the same time they also do matter since they do affect us deeply. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Just keep living regardless. I know it’s really hard. You’re not a bad person you deserve happiness!

@gaby. I feel guilty over trying to be with my family while having these thoughts. Like I dont deserve the people that love me. I isolate myself a lot and sleep a lot to avoid thinking. Im trying to be with my family but my fears and my guilt sometimes keep me from being around. I agree with you, I have the same experience. I have made mistakes and I often feel this is my punishment for them.

@luchalysol Aw I feel that so much about family. I relate to that. It sucks I know, but even though you feel that way keep spending time with family! Today I spent the day with my mom despite feeling anxious and hopeless at times, but I still felt happy through it all. We can still find joy in our life despite this awful disorder.

@gaby. Yes, I did find moments of happiness with family today. Im literally the first to go to my room as soon as they announce they're going to bed to keeo them safe. Im very scared of harming them

could you give me some advice on what i said above 🥺