i’m suddenly stressed about something so stupid. i procrastinated on reading this book for an essay due tonight. so, i did the essay. but i used enotes and spark notes for the information, and found my own quotes from the book. i’m upset at myself for “lying” about doing it. i don’t know why i’m so upset at this, i mean, think of all the people who did the exact same thing!! and the people who cheat on EVERY assignment. i’m not even like that. i’ve been stressing out about lying recently. even though i’ve only “lied” 2x. one, was because it was something personal and i didn’t want to tell someone the truth.. now this. i mean, do i deserve to hate myself over this?!??

Sunrise22

Date posted: 5y

Don’t hate yourself over this! But keep in mind that your feeling of guilt is telling you something about yourself: you value putting in the work and completing assignments honestly. Use this information in the future to guide decisions

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

what about the personal thing? i lied to my friend about why i felt upset. i couldn’t tell them about my ocd. and i felt ashamed because i don’t want to lie.. but they don’t need to know all my business...

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Not great to use your distress about doing anything wrong whatsoever as evidence of your good moral intentions. Feeling excessively guilty is usually down to trauma and shaming treatment. People without guilt OCD issues find it easy to just take their feelings of guilt as a reminder to do things differently in the future, but the OP's excessive level of guilt over minor things already keeps her behaviour WAY TOO in check. If I was her therapist, I'd get her to do something wrong deliberately as exposure like my own therapist is recommending for me, and to then allow the guilt to happen without ruminating or trying to reason her way out of the guilt (e.g. by assuring herself "I'm only doing this because my therapist says I should, it's not me it's not me it's not me")

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Scoggy thank you, but i don’t exactly know how to put this into perspective on me lying to my friend. i just didn’t want to tell him about my ocd. so i made up an excuse to why i was upset.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@MakeAChange I don't honestly think that it's relevant. Whether it's something people would consider to be wrong or not, what you're craving here is reassurance because you feel guilty. Try doing what's in my post below.

Sunrise22

Date posted: 5y

@MakeAChange I agree about your friend not needing to know about an OCD diagnosis. You’ll know who you’re comfortable telling and who you’re not. It sounds like you’re hyper focused on needing to be 100% truthful all the time. Even though it feels gross (and actually because it feels SO bad to you), it sounds like lying intentionally would be good exposure work for you. Maybe come up with harmless untruths you can start using with people and use them as mini exposures. Tell the barista at the coffee shop a fake name. When someone asks your favorite color, say blue not green. Nothing that’s going to get you in trouble but small things to get you more comfortable with not always being honest.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I don't think it's really that useful for anyone to use the distress about OCD thoughts as evidence against them. As you've just experienced, getting reassurance about that part just makes your distress go onto the other part, and it doesn't last anyway. A more reasonable approach would be to accept that you're not a perfect person and that actually you don't need to be a perfect person, nor would you die if other people didn't see you as a perfect person. Yes you feel guilty. Guilt passes, as it's *supposed to*. There is nothing bad about being considerate towards yourself. You can let yourself feel guilty without trying to make it go away by reminding yourself why you're a good person or by trying to figure out whether you are. Guilt is normal, not being a perfect person is normal. Accepting feeling guilty isn't the same thing as accepting that you deserve to feel guilty OR that you don't deserve to, it's just something you have to do. Let yourself feel it in your body without drawing any conclusions from it at all, or trying to work out whether it means something about you. Let it happen physically until it goes away again, without looping these thoughts about whether you're a good person or not, JUST focus on your body. It doesn't even hurt, it just aches in a neutral way, suffering can only happen in your mind so if you go into your body instead, you can process the feelings until they're gone. Then they won't be such a strong motivator for you to obsess over this, and you'll find it a LOT easier to keep doing response prevention by thinking about something else instead.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Just to clarify- you can let yourself feel guilty without trying to make it go away, and you can do THAT by not reminding yourself why you're a good person or trying to figure out whether you are.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond