I'm not sure if I have OCD. I wasn't diagnosed with it. But I really think I do bc of my actions and thoughts. My mind tells me that I need to organize everything I possibly can. Most of my day is of me organizing something. And I will worry about it so much, that I sometimes forget to do other things that are more important like eat or shower. It stresses me out and I feel it's taking over my life. Im not able to do the things I need to take care of myself sometimes. And it drives me nuts when I have to stop organizing wen my mom needs me in the room to help with the kids or something. I've had bad luck on finding a good therapist in the past. I'm going to try to find one soon, hopefully.

I think we could help by breaking this down into triggers/ideas/intrusive thoughts, and compulsions :) that can help you to do really positive ERP treatment for yourself even before you have a therapist to guide you. Scary ideas/thoughts: If I don't organise then I won't be successful in life or get what I want out of it If I do organise then I will find things easier If I get interrupted when I'm organising or have to stop, the fears could come true I also wonder if there are some other fears/intrusive thoughts at work here. Maybe things like: If I don't list things I want/want to do, then I could forget about them and miss out If things aren't organised and I can't find or access something when I need it, bad things will happen, or I will blame myself for not being prepared and feel terrible Compulsions: Making lists of things I want and want to do/have/watch/enjoy in life Organising belongings like art supplies, and organising my lists, including playlists So a lot of us have core fears involving missing out or not being prepared, and sometimes this can be down to past experiences or what we have been set up to expect in life. This could be something as straightforward as an experience of not being prepared for something which happened suddenly in our life, or even being shamed for not being prepared. But it can also just be about gaining a sense of control of the element of the unknown in the future, and making yourself feel prepared, even if it isn't doing much practical good, is very comforting. Personally I had a very similar list-making compulsion for years and was able to largely let it go, which hopefully gives you some confidence. For me it also had an element of escapism- by imagining all the things I want to cook and do and have and experience, it sometimes felt like I already had them, and fantasising like this was a really good way to avoid the stressors in my life, including bad memories and demands on me. It's worth exploring some of your reasoning to look for root fears- maybe some part of what I've said hit home a bit, and that's a good place to start. If you can really nail down what you're trying to prevent with compulsions, then going forwards you could work on cutting down the compulsions, doing things which help you to BE more in control of your life rather than just feeling that way via organising, and also to start looking that core fear in the eye and working out how you could be resilient if your fears came true, to give you confidence and take some of the pressure off you to prevent the fear. I feel like there could be some perfectionism happening as part of the underlying fear, where for some particular reasons it feels to you as if not having your ideal life would be absolutely terrible- and it's worth working on this black and white thinking with self help resources. Most lives do not turn out perfectly or allow us to get everything we want in/out of them, and that's okay. It doesn't mean something is horribly wrong and ruined, or that life isn't worth living. A life worth living usually is so because of the time we spend being in the moment, having fun and feeling positive, rather than because of any particular perfect outcome. And unfortunately it's precisely that which doing our OCD compulsions takes away from us.

Reply a bit and tell me what you think, and I can walk through the principles and tips of how to directly treat this by cutting down on compulsions at the same time as working on that other stuff :)