so i feel like i need to vent because all of this is just building up, 3 months ago when i had my first intrusive thought that caused an obsession that went on for weeks and then every other week a new intrusive thought would pop up and i’d obsess over that one. and it continues with multiple themes. some even similar to the one i’m dealing with right now but for some reason this one feels so much more real then again all the themes did. i really don’t know how to explain it, frightened if it’s just me. some days i feel completely numb to it like i’m a bad person but if that was so why would i keep fighting it and being in distress over it. it’s breaking my heart. i should know that it’s no coincidence since i’ve been dealing with this thing. whatever it might be ): i really don’t want to give up but i’m just scared. it all feels wrong and i feel numb or sometimes the ugliest stuff pops into my head. also the old themes have tried popping up again. i wonder if this whole thing is just my fault if it’s all just me but the truth is i guess i’ll never know... there’s so much more i could say... but i hope someone can relate to this... is it possible to feel just completely not like yourself like you’re trying so hard to just be the way you are but it’s hard because you have to sit with the fear inside your head... cause tbh there’s no other choice

SheaBabe

Date posted: 5y

This makes sense to me from when I was at my lowest. It’s almost like your mind tries to trick you into thinking your some monster when really you are not and the fact that you worry about it so much and wrote this all out shows your not.

getwellsoon

Date posted: 5y

thank you it just feels like it tries to attack everything good for me. i just don’t want to give up i just wish i was sure of myself like before. i hope you’re doing way better than before

💗Snoopy🌌

Date posted: 5y

I get that. Sometimes I obsess over something so long I just don't have the energy to go through all the agony, so I just feel numb. I've had that very recently. Earlier this week,a recent event im still trying to cope with sent me spiraling. And I also related to the moments of feeling numb bewteen distress,and not feeling like myself at all. I couldn't relax or even talk with my friends without it looming over me. Know you're not alone

getwellsoon

Date posted: 5y

it’s always there lately. that’s why i fear it coming directly from me. i really hope you’re doing much better now

Eljaeee

Date posted: 5y

Oh me too honey. Althought I've had a consistent pocd theme for four months, every few weeks old obsessions come back and do a double whammy on me. I often dissociate, so I will feel nothing or "numb" to the thoughts and scares the heck outta me when I come back or while dissociating. I completely understand where you're coming from and know that you are NOT alone. It can come at you from all sides, even sides you didn't know existed.

getwellsoon

Date posted: 5y

pocd theme was the start of it all got me as well it’s so very tough, sometimes it will try to show up again. i know it definitely isn’t easy. thank you for all your words. i’m here if you ever want to talk 🤍🤍

Eljaeee

Date posted: 5y

@getwellsoon ❤️❤️ you too hun

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