Today was the worst Christmas ever! I woke up with cramps in my tummy PLUS the thing that triggers my ocd fear was on my chest. So of course full blown meltdown, hitting things and everything else while I cleaned my bedroom and the bathroom. Then shower. Then checking the bedroom. It took me a little over five hours to complete. I don’t have anyone to talk to while I was hysterically crying and trying to deal with my ocd. It’s so hard. Life is not fair. I bet I was just as bad as Hitler to be subjected to my mental illnesses. I don’t know what I did to have to live like this. There are people deliberately hurting and killing animals and other humans. The only good thing was that I didn’t feel nausea nor panic attack-which is extremely rare for me.

I’m so sorry honey, my ocd was bad today too. Tomorrow is a new day, it will be ok

Thank you. I’m sorry you’re struggling today too. As much as it pains me and feel like crap to say, I’m glad I’m not alone. I’m sorry if my grammar is terrible. I’m just so exhausted and I feel I’m not fully here in my body. I feel like a robot, going on automatic.

I was going to say I was alone too today while my ex husband, not yet offices was surrounded by his family and daughter (never married her mother), and it was so hard. But then you said, you were glad you were not alone. I am glad for you that you were not alone if that’s the case. It sucks when you are on days like this when everyone and everything online and on tv is about being with your loved ones. My OCD is also from severe trauma caused by my mom for decades and I am an only child and she kept me from my father until he passed by making up what I found out last year were all lies. It just sucks.

I’m sorry that you had to go through this :( you always seem so nice here, i doubt you’re bad. I feel like life’s just has a knack with making nice people struggle

Not yet official not offices!

@Mackenzie (me: “come here” squeeeeeze the sadness out of you) I should have specified that I was alone but wasn’t alone because I have this community. There’s someone in the same apartment but we’re not spending time together and he said he wish he just had gone home. The only reason why he’s here is because he’s sick with the flu. So no consoling from him when I was crying which is when I need a hug or someone to be there the most. So I am alone, I completely understand. You know where there’s someone physically close by but there’s no connection (might as well be strangers) and still so alone? But I have my teddy bears ?. My parents passed away and my sister told me she doesn’t care about me and my illnesses. I don’t have a boyfriend and my “friends” only two texted me. Lol you deserve so much love. It really hurts to read your comment because I know how painful it is, no one wants to be alone. But I realized Christmas and other holidays are so commercialized. There shouldn’t be any holidays to gather with family and friends and appreciating because it should be everyday. It needs to be normal. You’re probably going to misconstrue this. I’m sorry I can’t seem to articulate well what I want to say. But yeah I’d rather spend time by myself than with my sister any day. Maybe this community should have a get together (like ocd support group) and we can have our own holidays :). I’ll bring hot cocoa for everyone and a room sized blanket with a hole inside so we can sit like we would around a camp fire. Lol I’m not good at describing, I’m better at drawing so my picture would be far less creepier than my description by words. The only good thing that came out of all of my illnesses is that I have an idea that might help me feel better and maybe other sufferers too. But then I feel like I’m exploiting people who are suffering with these illnesses. ? I’m going to stop now because I feel I’m so incoherent.

@Rosecoloredgirl thank you for your kind words. I guess I sound nice when I write here because I’m calmer. I get really nasty and mean (not intentionally) when the anxiety is too much for me to handle. I get really angry. I really hate the person I become when my anxiety takes over. One of the things that makes me feel like a bad person is when I post here but I don’t respond to others as often as I should. If that makes any sense? I had to stop using this for a while because it was becoming my compulsion to respond to every post. I’m sorry I’m getting off the line here. I think I need to sleep a bit longer, my head isn’t clear from my meltdown earlier. I just woke up and saw the comments and I wanted to respond before I forget. So I’m sorry.

No it’s fine, I get you I really do. OCD makes life harder for us.

This was absolutely one of if not the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. Saying that makes me feel as if I’m ungrateful. And in terms of materialist things I am very blessed and got a lot. However otherwise things were sad

Ugh yes. OCD made me feel ungrateful too. Things were going great around me hut i couldnt appreciate much

It was definitely the worst Christmas for me. Not only did I wake up with a stomach cramp and do my compulsions for five hours, I had no family, no food and when I was just lying in bed to calm down my light bulb went off.