- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry honey, my ocd was bad today too. Tomorrow is a new day, it will be ok
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you. I’m sorry you’re struggling today too. As much as it pains me and feel like crap to say, I’m glad I’m not alone. I’m sorry if my grammar is terrible. I’m just so exhausted and I feel I’m not fully here in my body. I feel like a robot, going on automatic.
- Date posted
- 6y
I was going to say I was alone too today while my ex husband, not yet offices was surrounded by his family and daughter (never married her mother), and it was so hard. But then you said, you were glad you were not alone. I am glad for you that you were not alone if that’s the case. It sucks when you are on days like this when everyone and everything online and on tv is about being with your loved ones. My OCD is also from severe trauma caused by my mom for decades and I am an only child and she kept me from my father until he passed by making up what I found out last year were all lies. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m sorry that you had to go through this :( you always seem so nice here, i doubt you’re bad. I feel like life’s just has a knack with making nice people struggle
- Date posted
- 6y
Not yet official not offices!
- Date posted
- 6y
@Mackenzie (me: “come here” squeeeeeze the sadness out of you) I should have specified that I was alone but wasn’t alone because I have this community. There’s someone in the same apartment but we’re not spending time together and he said he wish he just had gone home. The only reason why he’s here is because he’s sick with the flu. So no consoling from him when I was crying which is when I need a hug or someone to be there the most. So I am alone, I completely understand. You know where there’s someone physically close by but there’s no connection (might as well be strangers) and still so alone? But I have my teddy bears ?. My parents passed away and my sister told me she doesn’t care about me and my illnesses. I don’t have a boyfriend and my “friends” only two texted me. Lol you deserve so much love. It really hurts to read your comment because I know how painful it is, no one wants to be alone. But I realized Christmas and other holidays are so commercialized. There shouldn’t be any holidays to gather with family and friends and appreciating because it should be everyday. It needs to be normal. You’re probably going to misconstrue this. I’m sorry I can’t seem to articulate well what I want to say. But yeah I’d rather spend time by myself than with my sister any day. Maybe this community should have a get together (like ocd support group) and we can have our own holidays :). I’ll bring hot cocoa for everyone and a room sized blanket with a hole inside so we can sit like we would around a camp fire. Lol I’m not good at describing, I’m better at drawing so my picture would be far less creepier than my description by words. The only good thing that came out of all of my illnesses is that I have an idea that might help me feel better and maybe other sufferers too. But then I feel like I’m exploiting people who are suffering with these illnesses. ? I’m going to stop now because I feel I’m so incoherent.
- Date posted
- 6y
@Rosecoloredgirl thank you for your kind words. I guess I sound nice when I write here because I’m calmer. I get really nasty and mean (not intentionally) when the anxiety is too much for me to handle. I get really angry. I really hate the person I become when my anxiety takes over. One of the things that makes me feel like a bad person is when I post here but I don’t respond to others as often as I should. If that makes any sense? I had to stop using this for a while because it was becoming my compulsion to respond to every post. I’m sorry I’m getting off the line here. I think I need to sleep a bit longer, my head isn’t clear from my meltdown earlier. I just woke up and saw the comments and I wanted to respond before I forget. So I’m sorry.
- Date posted
- 6y
No it’s fine, I get you I really do. OCD makes life harder for us.
- Date posted
- 6y
This was absolutely one of if not the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. Saying that makes me feel as if I’m ungrateful. And in terms of materialist things I am very blessed and got a lot. However otherwise things were sad
- Date posted
- 6y
Ugh yes. OCD made me feel ungrateful too. Things were going great around me hut i couldnt appreciate much
- Date posted
- 6y
It was definitely the worst Christmas for me. Not only did I wake up with a stomach cramp and do my compulsions for five hours, I had no family, no food and when I was just lying in bed to calm down my light bulb went off.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I don’t know if it’s worth it to keep going. I have so many diagnoses, so little support, and constant struggles with finding the right medication. My immune system is weak, I have multiple deficiencies, and I’m dealing with so many physical health problems on top of severe OCD. It’s just too much. On top of everything, my family treats me so not okay. Every single day is a fight just to keep going—to wake up, to eat, to take care of myself even a little. I’ve lost over ten pounds in the last two weeks from how depressed I’ve been. And instead of support, all I get is blame. My family constantly throws my struggles in my face, calling me selfish, as if I’m choosing this. I am trying so hard to push past all of this. But after five long months of severe OCD, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, and everything else making life unbearable, I am exhausted. And to be called lazy? Selfish? *Worthless*? How am I supposed to keep going when the people around me refuse to see how hard I’m trying? I don’t want this anymore. None of this suffering feels worth it. What am I fighting for just to be treated this way by my own family? To be yelled at for the look on my face, when my face reflects nothing but the stress, panic, and despair I’m drowning in? Am I still supposed to smile for them? This isn’t fair. No one should have to live like this. I don’t deserve to be treated this way, I’m really trying to keep going, but I just want everything to end.
- OCD newbies
- Relationship OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- POCD
- Real Events OCD
- Harm OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Suicidal OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Harm OCD
- Existential OCD
- False Memory OCD
- OCD newbies
- Date posted
- 8w
I am having horrible regression in my recovery. Tonight i'm feeling really alone and sick from anxiety, i'm feeling scared to be alone with my thoughts. I had a family dinner with my sister, brother and mom today and I couldn't help but feel super dissociated. They are all laughing and talking while i'm just existing. I have a loud voice telling me I messed up, i'm dirty, i'm causing them harm. Being around people brings out the worst in my mind because i really want to be normal. My sister and brother did karaoke and sang Disney songs together and they sounded so beautiful and it made me sad because i truly don't feel like i will be able to ever live up to them. They are truly so smart and have their lives laid out for them. My mom takes my disorder personally and often says things like "you're disgusted of me" "you can't even touch me". I know she views me as the weakest one out of us 3, she favors them it's so apparent. My mom has bpd and being around her sinks me so deep. I feel so freaking alone guys and my ocd is actually spiraling me into a bad depression and my thoughts are becoming more serious. I do not feel comfortable in my mind or my body, i rely on distraction constantly running from myself.
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