So I'm freaking out a bit I masturbate sometimes when my 4 year old is in the same bed watching cartoons on my phone. I obviously dont do it so that he is aware I'm very discreet but now my ocd has grabbed hold and when I looked it up people say its child abuse. This was not my intention .

My position would be: no, it's not child abuse, but inappropriate. You didn't mean anything by it, but now that you realize it's not appropriate, just find a different time to do it ☺.

Confessing is generally a compulsion in situations like this... I don't recommend it.

He should ask himself why he is confessing. If it's to reduce the anxiety associated with the subject matter, it is probably a mistake. Just my two cents....

@Fear Strikes Out It is tricky. I guess I'm pro "give your therapist all the information they might want". Let the therapist decide when to set a confessing boundary. B2192, is your therapist an OCD specialist?

@Ben84 Yeah she is knowledgeable in it, it's cbt also. She did say I needed to cut down on confessing but I cant help it I feel like I always need to to know even though my partner has said even though I should be doing it private he knows I would never have meant to do it to psychology harm them

@b2192 Do you think you can stop doing this on your own? You mentioned it is compulsive. If so, it might be worth mentioning then.

@Ben84 Stop confessing ?

@b2192 You mentioned the masturbating was compulsive. If you can stop doing this in the presence of your child you don't need to confess. But if you keep doing it, then you might need a professional's help to quit.

@Ben84 Ah no I mean the madturbation is compulsive as in sometimes I feel like I have to do it even when he is there as long as he isnt aware. But I've only ever done it the odd time when he has been there It's not something I make a habit of

@b2192 Okay. If you don't do it again, then I guess it's up to you whether you tell your therapist. If it happens again, then you might want professional support.

@b2192 Why do you "have to do it" at times? What would it feel like if you didn't do it when you felt you had to?

@Fear Strikes Out I guess I probably dont have to but I guess I sometimes feel comfortable enough to do it when he is there because i knew i wasnt harming him. If he was to look at me or anything I would make sure I stopped. I just got it in my head that it was a natural thing to do aslong as they werent aware of it. But I guess now I feel different about it which I'm uncomfortable with and dont know wether confessing would get me reported or something

@b2192 I think kids even at that age are quite observant/perceptive about a parent's behavior even if they do not see something visually. There are also auditory cues. I am not going to provide reassurance that there is a one in quadrillion chance of being reported by your therapist for behavior that your son has not seen. So, I won't. But, I do caution about confessing it to your therapist for the sole purpose of getting reassurance and temporarily reducing the associated anxiety. A good OCD therapist will tell you that you should not be confessing this to them but, instead, experiencing the discomfort of the anxiety to teach your brain that the anxiety is not harmful.

Oops! Implicit prejudice on my part. ☺

@Fear Strikes Out 🤣 that's ok