Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
That's not basic hygiene. We dry hands after washing them on the teatowels then use those to dry counters, dishes etc on a daily basis.
EstridEstrid
- Date posted
- 5y
You have a hard timeš¢ You know your "basic infection control" isn't the same as your partners. And I would probably manage as your partner, although I have OCD...because I haven't the same theme as you. I try to let my husband make the decisions when we diagree, because I know he has a sound mind and even uf my OCD screams I have to learn to live my life more "normal"- try to accept your horribel feelings and your frustration and think about what is most important to you. More freedom and a healthy relationship to your partner or letting the OCD rules win? I know how hard it is, be kind to yourself and try to break your rigud rules.
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you. I do have a hard time working out what is normal and what is ocd
EstridEstrid
- Date posted
- 5y
Its ok, I too have. We can try to to trust people without OCD and follow guidelines in our country. Hang in thereš»
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
My partner is away to the shops and I am having a head time trusting her to stay safe and sanitised, and trusting her to sanitise the stuff she brings ftom the shop. But I know I have to just let it go and trust her or our relationship won't survive. In my mind I'm Trying to say to myself she will do it right and if she doesn't it will be her fault of we f er covid 19. I'm ashamed of these thoughts and I know they aren't healthy and they are making me angry. I just know she isn't the most careful as she has already gotten a cold and how that would of happend of she had been following guidelines on masks and hand sanitation I do not know.
EstridEstrid
- Date posted
- 5y
Place a hand on your heart and be kind to yourself, this is hard, dont be ashamed, you have'nt asked for this disorder. Do your best to stick to your planšŖ and be sure OCD will always bring to mind why you shouldnt trust your partner. Let go of that discussion in your head. Sending you strength.
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
I see cross contamination points everywhere and my partner doesn't think its a risk. Its making me feel physically sick thinking about all the things I'm my mind she does wrong. I'm supposed to be working from home today and I can't concentrate I'm so wound up
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
I'd imagine your partner knows it's a risk and also knows that that risk is usually miniscule- both of getting covid and of having serious health issues from it. I've had it and I was just under the weather for a couple of weeks with a cough, I understand that's not the case with everyone but it still is the case for the majority of people. I actually think your irritation/anger and lack of trust are rational responses to the irrational ideas from OCD and that it's not your duty to be ashamed about them, only to acknowledge that you feel that way. There's no such thing as an unacceptable feeling. The reality is that yes she almost certainly doesn't follow the guidelines perfectly all the time, because that's a tall order for anyone, and yes she probably also doesn't always follow your OCD's extra rules about things like sanitising groceries because that feels like a huge amount of stress and effort to attempt to negate a small risk- which is also why governments don't have it as a guideline and you mostly see it being suggested by literal sanitizer companies. The thing about trust is that your partner is in a situation where to refuse to follow your rules would cause arguments and create distress for you, but following them is also a considerable burden. To respond to that situation by only following your rules when you are around to police it, is actually quite a reasonable response. Trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship, yes, but trust and autonomy have to go hand in hand- and your OCD is not a healthy part of the relationship because it tries to take away her autonomy. If she doesn't see telling you "no" as an option because of the way you respond to that, she's really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Based on her reactions of ignoring you, it sounds like she's not feeling good about the idea of being stripped of her right to her own decisions, and it's not really fair to put someone in a position where they can't actually say no, and then make it their problem when they don't do what you wanted. It's helpful to draw a distinction here- it's fine for you to feel angry and frustrated about it when she doesn't follow your rules, but not okay to then be aggressive/guilt-trip-y and try to enforce the rules or control your partner. We can only set boundaries on what behaviour we are willing to accept, not control others' behaviour, EVEN when we have OCD. Your decisions to try to control her behaviour are even more damaging to the trust in your relationship than her not doing what she's told when she's agreed to.
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Also I'm calming down a bit now so thank you again for the sensible words I really appreciate it
EstridEstrid
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Great wordsš
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
You are so so right akd talk complete sense and I need to hear it. I just am totally floored by all this at the minute I really am and I hate myself for it and I hate that I'm making mum y partner uncomfortable in her own home when this virus has made me uncomfortable in my onw home or anywhere else for that matter. I quite low today and that's worrying for my partner too. I flip flop from being accepting of the uncertainty to them being really angry with her. And it's not fair I know that. I think the extreme fear for me comes because we were shiekding for 4 months due to the fact that I'm immunosuppressed, on heany duty medication which suppresses my immune system do to an autoimmune disease and I'm asthmatic . Also my partner is over 50 and over weight and her sister is recovering from chemo therapy so I just have that extra worry I think.
Rosie38Rosie38
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry for typos, I meant my partner, not mum
catattakcatattak
- Date posted
- 5y
That is really scary as someone who also has big fears around covid. Scoggy really made sense but I struggle with that idea and would understand if you do too. I've never known anyone to wash counters with the same towels you dry your hands with. I grew up in an italian household and on a farm. If we cleared the table to make pasta or pizza, we wiped with paper towel or napkin after disinfectant so that's entirely new to me. I mention farm to say we were all around germs all the time and generally didnt care and we still didn't use hand towels for that. However, we did use hand towels to dry dishes which is something my ocd would hate now. So I suppose that shows where ocd kind of nit picks some of those things. Things I did regularly pre ocd (dry dishes with hand towels) would now be unacceptable with my ocd. So these guys seem pretty reasonable about it all. Something I will do with my hubby when it's all too much for me and I am nagging is just let him know I'm getting overwhelmed, go over the guidelines together for my own sanity, tell him I'm going to trust him here, and then leave the room and not watch him do anything. When I leave and don't see it, I cant nit pick and my brain has nothing to nit pick at. And at the same time I have to trust him because he's the only other person in the house and unless I want to take over the task of grand master maid-disinfecter, I need to let him do some of the house work. I'm really sorry you are going through this. I truly know it is not an easy thing to do with this pandemic.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 21w
PLEASE HELP!?? ADVICE NEEDEDāāā
Okay so my parents don't really handle my ocd that well. For starters my contamination is getting worse (I'm 14) and keep exisivly washing my hands, or using toilet roll which is unfortunately really common. Now they are getting angry at me for using too much toilet roll... What do I do? There saying I'm ruining there lifes because of my ocd. I'm making there lifes miserable. And they don't COMMUNICATE or sit down with me and look me in the eyes and try sort it out WITH ME. they just go "STOP USING SO, MUCH TOILET ROLL" "you've broke another headset" "WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE PISSED AT YOU" and I'm getting self harm urges because there making me out to be such a bad person. Which obviously doesn't mix well with ocd.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 17w
Family member not understanding compulsions
I have contamination ocd, and one of my compulsions is avoiding eating non-cooked food prepared by other people. I had a session with my family to plan accommodation reduction two months ago, and this compulsion was on there but we decided to focus on other accommodations first. Tonight my mom made fresh food (totally fine), but acted very offended and angry when I couldnāt eat it. I get where sheās coming from, she worked hard on the meal and it sucks that I couldnāt make myself eat it. But it also sucks that she knows this is a compulsion and canāt be understanding. Maybe I need to explain this compulsion to her better? In the family session we talked about the compulsion but not about the specific underlying obsessive thought (today my mom specifically said that I had to explain why I wasnāt eating and I didnāt). Iām really sad that OCD is affecting my relationship with her in this way.
iheartbrusch...
- Date posted
- 14w
Its so hard living with roomates while having OCD.
my roommates are great people and very supportive, but they donāt understand ocd. they try to fix me by telling me things iāve heard a million times before, and by doing things that actively trigger me as a kind of exposure therapy. iām very particular about contaminants in my water, but i have a specific aversion to tap water, which is why i have my own water dispenser. every few weeks, i fill jugs with filtered water and keep them upstairs so others can use them too. after getting home from work, i filled my cup with ice water and, for once, didnāt inspect it like i normally would. i drank it down. when i went for a refill, the ice had melted a bit and i noticed particulates floating in the water, instantly recognizable as calcium and other minerals from our tap. i donāt explode when iām triggered. instead, i shut down. the anxiety starts to crawl in. i felt myself spiraling while i pulled out the jug. i know it sounds stupid, but i swear thereās a real difference in smell between filtered and tap water. i checked it, sniffed it, and confirmed what i already felt. and once that thought was in my head, it took hold. i felt disgusting. i wanted to make myself puke. i couldnāt tell if it was anxiety or the water itself, but it felt like something was burning a hole in my stomach. i sent a message in our group chat asking about it, and one of my roommates said they had done it to prove i wouldnāt be able to tell the difference. they said water is water, so i shouldnāt care. i know they meant well. but when people who donāt fully understand ocd try to force those kinds of steps on you, it sticks. it reminds me of my parents. they do things like this a lot, pushing back against my compulsions, trying to help by challenging them. and sometimes, i do appreciate that. but this felt like too much. it crossed a line. and i just needed to rant.
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