- Username
- Freemeofocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I was just overcoming my most recent obsession, and then I had a horrible horrible disturbing dream about my theme and I can’t tell what parts of it are real or not. It’s really bothering me. It happened the second I let go of my most recent obsession. And what sucks is my obsession is centered around my daughter, and I was sleeping with her in my arms, and I started to have a sexual dream. It was a normal one but then in my dream I pulled her into me as I was about to orgasm. But I didn’t actually orgasm I woke up before I did. But she was laying next me, in my arms. And now I don’t know if I actually pulled her into me during my dream or if I started to dream that I was doing that and woke up before I did. I don’t know and It’s driving me crazy. I hope I didn’t incorporate her into my sexual dream 😔 this is the worst possible thing. I would right it off as just a dream but the fact that she was in my arms, while I was having the sexual dream, sleeping right next to me, makes me feel so unsure and so scared.
And of course because I’m ruminating I’m remembering it wayyy worse than it was
I haven't been having any thoughts, but i still feel empty so OCD has been making me feel like i am my thoughts even though the fear has gone down... ITS COMPLICATED
The fear has gone down? But ocd still makes you feel the thoughts, how does tbat work?
@Kls323 idk like i feel like i'm not even scared anymore, but i am but i'm not showing it and i'm not feeling it enough... does it make sense? idk
@stars Thats really interesting. I think I can get that. I wonder why that is. Have you talked to your doctor to see what the nears? Who knows maybe its a start to something good.
Yeah that sounds hard to deal with And i mean you’re not really reaponsible for your dreams or what you do in them Ive had sex dreams about so many different people i 100% did not want to fuck or watch fuck or anything But to overcome OCD we have to just sit with the chance that your fear could somewhat possibly be true, but is very unlikely The anxiety will dissapate over time, i know it doesnt seem like it will but it always does
I appreciate your response. I feel like she got incorporated into my dream because I was holding her, so obviously that’s how she made her way into the dream because she was in my arms at the time of it. I just hope it was all in my head and I didn’t actually do what I saw myself doing in the dream. Which was like pulling her into me and kissing her head 😔 I feel like my mind got all confused. Like I was having a sex dream and went to grab a pillow or something and then felt and smelled my daughter, which is also a feel good sensation, but not in a sexual way, but then once I realized what was happening, i jolted awake. It just feels so disturbing and so wrong especially because I don’t know for sure what happened.
Like I hope she didn’t play a part in my arousal during the dream...and because my theme is pocd and hurting my daughter, my ocd is having a field day of course
Of course, i know this stuff is weird, but i try thinking about it like this...anybody could have that dream, ANYBODY...probably lots of people have had that dream...stands to reason that in the history of the world, this exact circumstance has happened dozens, even hundreds of times Only difference between those people and you (probably) is that it didnt cause them this much anxiety, they were (probably) like “well that was weird” and went about their day Like im not giving you assurance, because we all have to accept that there is a miniscule chance that our fears could be true to get any better So you have to sit with that anxiety But mannnn dreams are nonsense, like dont let this make you forget the anxiety and sit with it but like...duuuuude i gave up on my dreams decades ago, as did most if not all mental health professionals But again we have to accept that there is never going to be certainty...certainty doesnt exist anywhere in nature so you’re definitely gonna be able to find it in your own brain Good luck!
YUP
Yes
Absolutely!
OCD doesn't want you to feel confident about overcoming it.
I have several OCD themes currently. It’s pretty much entwined in my entire existence and has been for decades. I was only diagnosed a few months ago and have been making progress with ERP on my contamination issues which is an amazing feeling. To have some control over this has made the future seem bright. Unfortunately lately I’ve been struggling with questioning my 10 plus year marriage (something I’ve dealt with on and off the entire time). My feelings had been solid for at least the past year with no obsessing in that area so it’s really very disturbing to experience this now just as I am getting a slight handle on my OCD. I’ve been so distracted with this the past 2 weeks I haven’t been able to make much progress. Just now I considered the possibility that OCD is behind this. Has anyone ever found that OCD started to sabotage you in one area when you were making progress in another? Is this possible?
Is it possible that at first it was very clear that it was ocd but now that it’s worsening it’s slowly starting to feel like it isn’t? Like the symptoms are 10x more extreme?
There is this time in treatmemt or recovery when you feel less anxious (or depressed if thats an issue) because you are commiting to process doing exposures and its working. But then you start saying "what if I didnt have ocd"? "What if I made it all up"? "What if Im just weak"? Obviously this is just more ocd doubt. But it starts a slippery slope. Amy tips for navigating this fragile part of recovery?
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