so i’ve been dealing with this theme of being scared of not seeing my boyfriend for him. the constant intrusive thoughts of “what if you’re transphobic” “what if you’re bigoted” “you don’t see him for him” and all this terrible stuff. so as an exposure i’ve been watching trans tiktoks and videos about being transgender and learning how to be a better ally and i’ve been doing this for the last three days and i don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing tbh cause yesterday i looked in the mirror and all of a sudden i looked at my chest and my head goes “what if you’re trans” and i really hope this doesn’t get out of hand as well it’s so hard. my head is so jumbled up right now

i'm a cis lady, and when i have thoughts like this, i use pictures of myself that i enjoy (or just pictures that i feel are a true, objective documentation of what i look like) and put them through a masculine filter to see if i enjoy that as well. sometimes i do like how it looks, sometimes i don't, but remember that you can always explore your gender without any labels attached!!!!! self-exploration is free.

If you’re not sure how healthy those exercise were, maybe talk with a therapist who does ERP, or at least maybe read more about it? It sounds like you already know who you are, even if the OCD is attacking that. As for thoughts about your boyfriend, some self check on our own understanding, tolerance, and acceptance of gender and sexuality is good and healthy to keep us all moving forward. However, it again seems like your OCD is going beyond healthy self checking and attacking your love. What a jerk! Here’s where knowing more about ERP or working with an expert could be really helpful. Good luck!

this made me smile. the same goes for you. I’m always ready to swing a few punches as well. thank you for this

any advice on what you would do

all i’m saying is this definitely all seems like intrusive thoughts