How can I sit with the thought/possibility of being gay when I know or at least hope I'm not? When it's happening all day every day?! I tried to do self erp and I read stories about people coming out at my age (27) or when they were married with kids in their 30s and 40s. I really can't take this anymore.

It makes sense and I try that but it's just constant and gets in the way of what I'm doing or if I'm not doing anything it's even worse. It's like a voice in my head that doesn't stop telling me "your gay" "your life sucks because your living a lie" "your depressed because your not being true to yourself " etc.

@a01 I so get that and it can be hard to let go because it feels so certain that it means that. My mind does the same thing to me, and repeats the same phrases. Sometimes continually bringing yourself back to the present helps too but it is hard

@a01 In second what reg285 is saying. Not interacting with the thoughts takes a lot of mental work, and some days its exhausting, but in the end it truly does help. The more you interact with the thoughts the more power they have over you. Think of OCD as someone at the door, constantly knocking. If you continually answer the door you are letting OCD in. But instead, what if you heard OCD knocking, banging! on your door, and you don’t answer it. You could say, “I see you OCD, but I’m busy living my life” if you keep that up, the knocks become less and less and quieter and quieter

@optimistic Thanks guys, I'm really trying. Some days like you said, this is so exhausting and debilitating and robbing me of my life and happiness. I overthink EVERYTHING and then these thoughts are just constant. And I keep having to remind myself or prove to myself that I'm not gay it's just my mind then it helps for a little while then comes back always ugh

@a01 The reason why it’s coming back is because you’re trying to use logic to fight OCD, and OCD doesn’t care about logic. What really cut down on my thoughts after an ERP session, or trigger is saying to myself “hey, I could be gay, I could not be gay, but I don’t need to figure that out right now” but its harder some days than others to admit those things

@optimistic Is saying things like that supposed to sound terrifying like I don’t want 2 I have tried, but idk sometiems I get petrified saying “I am gay” I don’t even like typing it much, but like I just have a hard time actually thinking/ believing that accepting the thoughts fully makes them go away, I just idk

@El5986 To some it may sound terrifying to say, “i may or may not be gay” I was like you a few months ago telling myself “well fine! I guess I’m gay!” But the thoughts & responses didn’t go away. Saying those things are supposed to be hard because it is attacking the very thing OCD is trying to do, which is keep you stuck!

@optimistic It's crazy because I never experienced thoughts this bad in my life and I'm 27 and it just started happening this year I don't understand how that's possible. And it comes and goes or there's different themes so I can't help but think that this has been my "truth" the whole time and now it's really starting to come out or I'm realizing it. Also a few months ago I had really bad rocd....and my bf of 8 years just broke up with me out of nowhere! So that just makes me think more that my thoughts about being gay are true. Especially now because I don't want want or find any other guy attractive other than my ex..ugh hate my life

@a01 I’m in my mid 20s too and I experienced an SO-OCD episode when I was 19, without realizing it was OCD. No one truly knows what triggers it, but as I learned more about OCD i could see instances of it in my past, and I’ve had a lot for the OCD to latch onto in terms of SO-OCD. I’ve never truly had a serious relationship, I wasn’t boy crazy(more like male celeb crazy) i too can’t help sometimes but think “this is my truth” but I’ve tried to put in the work to my ERP and accepting the world for all its uncertainty. What recovering from OCD has really taught me is to live in the moment.