can going down rabbit holes ever be like not scary theme related like since covid started ive wanted to adopt a dog and every day i go on pet finder and i heart different dogs and say this is it this is the one and i go through my list of dog names and go what kind of dog is this are they a hershel? are they a marty? the list has about 50+ options and i even research name meanings so the name is perfect and i tell my sister this is it this is the dog and shes like youve almost adopted like 5 different dogs and you never get any of them its like i go omg that one its the feeling this is the one and then i question can you even handle this? you can barely take care of yourself, if this dog dies its your fault, this dog could have a better home, can you even afford how much a year it costs to care for the dog, and its like i know i can but i still doubt that i can and im afraid of the day the dog dies and its like why put myself through that but its like every day i go on there and i hope to find my "the one" dog and its lile christ ive turned this dog into being this huge life defining thing that me before the dog will be different i will be forever changed in a bad way because after i will be a mother to another living being and that responsibility is something i cant handle when its like i trained and took cared my familys dog when i was 12 until i left home im 28 like i know i can care for my own pet but i just convince myself all the ways i cant do it even though i really want it and yeah and i do this with like my fear about my familys safety im like okay im going to get evil eye protection necklaces for us but i never buy it every week i search for the perfect item because none of them are perfect enough but by looking i feel good and im like shit is this all ocd? because i just actually enjoy these activities but like i turn them into obsessions and i later realize how much time i lost going down those rabbit holes its just these rabbit holes i like where as usually when i go down an ocd rabbit hole its hell because im trying to prove that im not an evil thing but my brain at the same time is proving all the ways i am that evil thing where as this stuff is like kind of fun just exhausting maybe? like oh research the perfect necklaces and dogs all the time until its just right what a great way to fill all hours of my day?