Who wants to talk

Yes but my therapist is not that helping to me... I think she doesn't specialise in rocd. She told me you are too young to decide on a person. And that I might be unhappy like her as she was once in an abusive relationship. But I think I can grow with a person too. My boyfriend treats me like a queen. He never abuses me.

Wangchuk

We gonna marry in a year I babe already proposed him in December

@nimziewd I have *

Wangchuk

He is from Tibet He lives in India A refugee

Yeah I was so excited And now all I have is this weird anxiety if his name doesn't come to my mind, if anyone else's face comes to my mind and then m filled with uncertainty

He is not much aware of mental problems He thinks there is nothing like that, and I need to exercise and eat well, it will go See he is a bumpkin With very little exposure But he says he is with me

Yes even though they don't know about this I have 2 friends who are really helping me through whatsApp and calls because currently we are all in our homes in different states in India. Some friends did trigger me more when I didn't know it was rocd or distortion

Yes I did try But after I started feeling numb but I still have thoughts The thoughts got so convincing

M not having that theme right now M getting rocd I switch between themes as I have observed

😄

Hey thanks :)

What is it

Ocd?

@BlueFirePhonix05 I feel like I am faking my love for my guy. I have all this distortion going on , I feel like this ocd is fake That I will cheat on him and blablabla. I am really affected by my past

@nimziewd Rocd and other themes like sexual orientation ocd , harm ocd, pedo ocd

@BlueFirePhonix05 Try and think why your in the relationship if it is because you love him than stay in it,think is it just your ocd talking.

@nimziewd Ya thats ocd

@nimziewd My ocd is i like have to touch the doornobe 20 times to open it.

@BlueFirePhonix05 I love him I think I always had ocd but I ignored, it spiked up when we started living in a long distance relationship during pandemic I used to doubt whatever I was doing thinking of my past and do compulsions without realising.

@nimziewd Are you still there???

@BlueFirePhonix05 I literally went thrice to check the door once after I knew I locked it but I wasn't sure if it was just hallucination. Though i don't do any drugs nor m on any medication

@nimziewd What happend in your past(if your ok with me asking)

@nimziewd Ya,I do that to it is not a hullucination your body does these rituals and after you do them your temperarally relieved.

@BlueFirePhonix05 You there?????

@nimziewd You there?

I had a trauma from threats in school. I was molested as a kid I didn't have such an issue from my home but my dad was a little bit Alchoholic. I had a break down when there were difficulties in my middle school when I liked my best friend and he liked me but situation changed the stuff. To get over it I had many boyfriends just because of the infatuation. I liked another guy in high school but I didn't date him because he wanted fwb. But then I took time for a year in high school to heal and I got over everything. In my first year of college I started dating an online language friend from China and I dated him for a year, idk why then I fell for my current bf in last February or March and got attached to him. I asked the online guy for a break up and I started enjoying my life with this guy. Genuinely happy. My performances saw even more growth. But my past sticks to me What if I jump on another guy What if I get to know his family and then breakup like past What if I am faking it What if this what if that and it spiked up during pandemic

@nimziewd Im so sorry that happend to you

Yeah I was typing

Think if your about to do a compultion and do it but like give your self a punishment like if your really conected to money put 2 dallors in a jar every time you do a compultion

If hes ment for you he will love you for ever you love him to

@BlueFirePhonix05 Yeah he loves me a lot This long distance has made things difficult as I haven't hugged him since 6 months now

@BlueFirePhonix05 It's like m a wife of a navy person

Yeah I told two of my friends everything They don't know much about this but they do support me Trying not to give reassurance but to listen to me

Yes but she isn't that much of help For me and I can't afford or get therapy on this app as in Indian currency it's too much and therapy ain't available for people outside US

Thanks for listening to me