I just found out about this thing called compulsory heterosexuality and it's freaking me out....does anyone relate to this

Isn’t ignoring a trigger a way to avoid it?

@ashleyboo There’s a difference between redirecting your attention towards something and avoiding something you don’t want to experience. If you notice you’ve been triggered, and decide well I’m going to read, or paint, or go to the store like I planned, all of those things aren’t avoidance. It’s letting the thoughts linger as they will. If you’re doing something to push the thought, sensation, feeling, etc away then you’re engaging in avoidance.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I can't even tell the difference if I'm avoiding something or redirecting my attention

@a01 Same I was confused after ready what was said because I can’t exactly figuring this out for myself either

@ashleyboo You don’t have to know immediately or understand it intellectually. You start practicing it and you’ll be able to navigate it more easily. It took some time for me to grasp it in practice as well.

@ashleyboo I am also dealing with this question from time to time..I have only done ERP on my own but maybe I can share my perspective on this question and someone can tell me if I am thinking in the right direction? I think it is avoidance if you deliberately stop doing stuff, meeting people, reading or watching content that you would normally enjoy to avoid getting anxious or worried, for example if you stop watching a show you like because it has a gay storyline that makes you feel uncomfortable or if you avoid meeting a friend because you worry that you might be attracted to them etc. These are things you should not avoid as slowly ocd will take over your life and isolate you from everything that used to make you happy or even healthy (I for example considered giving up physical therapy because I felt unsure towards my therapist even though she is really good and it is helping me so much). But researching about stuff like compulsory heterosexuality is not really something you would normally do or which used to be a part of your life prior your OCD, right? You look it up because you feel uncertainty about your sexual orientation caused by intrusive thoughts, and this is giving you an urge to look that up to assure yourself that this does not relate to you, and very often, you find something that triggers you far more than you can handle and end up spiralling. This is why, for example, I siteblocked reddit from all my devices and surely will not download tiktok, as those networks never were a part of my life prior my intrusive thoughts, I only ever went on there to get reassurance and very often would find something that lead to only more questions and anxiety that I could not bear to sit with and it got me back into compulsions... I think you can use those bad triggers like compulsory heterosexuality for ERP, but you should do it very carefully and not with the motivation to reassure or compare yourself. I prefer to listen to Podcasts about Sexual Orientation and Coming out later in life, as I can focus better on my anxiety by simply listening and not get distracted by comments, suggestions, tags etc. I have no idea if I am on the right track here, but that is how I experience it, so someone with a little more expertise might help us out there? 🤷‍♀️😅🤯

@thinkingismyfighting That makes sense, thank you. However if I read stories or listen to people about coming out later in life I get a lot of anxiety because I think well what if that's me or ends up happening to me. Like my mind is so overwhelmed I feel like I don't know myself anymore and never have. I went through this hocd them in the beginning of summer and then it went away and I couldn't believe I suffered from that but then my bf recently broke up with me and now it's back and even worse and even "confirming" now that I am gay. Like my mind is saying "I never realized I was gay because I was with a guy for so long and didn't realize it" or "you never loved him you'd be happier with a girl" "this is a transition time in your life to finally come out" etc. It's endless. Also I don't find any guy attractive or desirable other than my ex. And my mind tells me that I'm only holding onto him because I'm avoiding the inevitable of realizing I'm gay. I can't take this anymore

@thinkingismyfighting This is a great comment and very well put. This is exactly on point.

@a01 I relate to a lot of these thoughts, some of them sound almost identical to mine, I am in a happy relationship with a man I love to pieces for more than 10 years now, and my intrusive thoughts tell me that this was all a lie and our relationship only is going so well because I avoid confronting my "real" sexual orientation, you only enjoyed sex with him because you don't know how it is with a women, you don't have sexual fantasies with women because you were suppressing them, and so on... What helped me in the beginning doing ERP was choosing only one Podcast and listening to one or two episodes a day and not reading or watching anything else. Like that I slowly felt the fear go down and could move up to listening to more shows. Don't overwhelm yourself but try to take very small steps and soon you will notice some improvement!

@thinkingismyfighting The thing is also, I have experimented years ago with a girl who was a friend and it was fun/exciting but I really don't think it's something I'd ever pursue again, I've had lesbian dreams many times which scares me because isn't that my subconscious telling me what I desire? And I've had woman crushes/find some women attractive. This is the "evidence" that makes me think I am and it scares me because usually people with hocd don't have this type of proof. But I want to marry a man and be intimate with a man etc. I don't want to be gay.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you for your verifying answer, this makes me feel confident about my understanding of the mechanisms of the disorder and the treatment! It is hard to go through with it sometimes though but I hope it will get easier!

@thinkingismyfighting It definitely does! Even if you have spikes or relapses, you learn something each time and truly become more and more adept at treating your disorder. Be proud of the hard work you’ve put in so far.

@a01 I relate to your questions and my mind also constantly comes up with "proof" or signs in my past that point to me being gay, for example being obsessed with some female celebrities or having a lot of identity crushes on women etc.. and maybe this means that I am not entirely straight, who knows. I am still having difficult days but since I sort of started to accept this possibility, it got easier for me to just not be entirely sure about my sexual orientation. I think we have to stop wanting to know for sure, that is what is keeping us trapped..

@a01 My evidence for my harm OCD was that I had experienced childhood abuse, engaged in juvenile petty crime, struggled to maintain consistent relationships, and had lied or hurt other people by deception the past. All of this was “proof” I was a sociopath capable of any horrible act my mind could conjure. In reality, our experiences are very common. Many people do wrong or morally questionable things when they’re young. If you’ve experienced trauma you’re likely to struggle to maintain strong relationships since you have no model for them. It might be hard to relate to someone when you have a untreated mental disorder. It didn’t really matter what my experiences were. What mattered is that I had distress from my thoughts and engaged in rituals or compulsions to manage them. That’s what kept me in the cycle, not that I’d ever done something wrong.