im pretty sure its not normal to cry everyday right like idk i hate my brain and i hate my life rn im too scared to take ocd medication and i noticed that my brain is using methods like being numb to cope again and i used to do that a lot

There is no normal for tears or laughter. Especially with all the difficulties 2020 is presenting the world, lots of people are crying daily at least. Many others are numb. Even outside of an app of OCD sufferers, you would not be alone in these. I know a lot of people who prefer non-drug treatment. What helped me get over that was that I HAVE to take a medication everyday, for the rest of my life, anyway, so trying something out, short or long term, doesn’t upset me the way it might otherwise. I can tell you I’ve had some not-so-great reactions to some meds, some great ones that made side effects worth it for short term, and the current one I’ve been on for a while is totally right for me. I went off it for a little while and was ok, but I actually felt a little less like myself off of it, so I went back on it. Meds don’t replace other therapy, but they can be a great tool to help, especially as you build your non-drug tools to fight your OCD. Best wishes!

I know how u feel. I just started seeing a new doctor. I’m trying natural approach right now, and I may revisit meds again too...try a few new ones maybe. I too had side effects from meds that I did not want to deal with. But I’m really low right now so thinking of trying again.