I'm feeling really stuck right now. I'm more anxious and my OCD just keeps getting worse. It takes me FOREVER to get anything done. I keep getting stuck doing my rituals until they feel right & I end up being late to work or picking up my boyfriend or just whatever & it's getting even more annoying. I've been going to therapy since 2014, but it never really talked about my OCD. I mean, I have but I made it seem like I had it handled & that it really wasn't all that bad. Which, at some point, it wasn't... But now I know that I really really need help but I'm scared. I'm scared because idk what it's like to not have it. I was on Zoloft for about a year and a half and I didn't realise that my OCD was nearly gone until I came off of the meds and it came back in full force and then some. But I've had this ever since I was a little kid & I'm scared for a life without it. It never feels like the "right time" to bring it up to my therapist. It's like, if I tell my therapist about it, and I work on getting better, how will my family and I be safe? Logically I know that my actions or lack thereof won't change the outcomes of anything, but my OCD is telling me otherwise & it has a much louder voice. I guess I'm also nervous because what if I do get better & I'm happy, but then something happens that triggers me and my OCD comes back? Idk if I can go through that again. I feel like once I get rid of my OCD I'll be anxiously waiting for it to come back, do some rituals to prevent it from getting me again, then realise that I've just played myself & all of my worrying about the OCD has only brought it back. I'm sorry for the long post, I just needed to get my thoughts out there.

Hey IcePenguine19, I'm sorry you're going through this :/...I dont know if this will make you feel better or not, but OCD never really goes away. It's just managed. It will always be a part of you but if you get proper therapy, it's a part of you that can be controlled. I didn't know I had OCD when I was younger, but after learning I did I felt anxious about letting it go too because it's all I've ever known! But I know that if I can manage my issues I can have a better life and CHOOSE to analyze things, obsess, or whatever because I'll be in control. If I have to live with this condition then I want to be able to handle it to the best of my ability. On a side note, if you ever want to see a therapist about this, please see an OCD therapist. OCD is a specialty and most counselors dont know how to help with this condition. Good luck to you, stay strong! ✊??

I'm nervous but kind of excited to start working on fixing the problems and getting a bit of control over my thoughts. Thanks for the help & good luck!! :)

Yeah I understand. I've done A LOT of research on this stuff and I've found that genetics can be a big factor but sometimes environment too... I didn't know my dad and I sometimes wonder if he had these issues too...But yeah, definitely look into an OCD therapist :). Dont get discouraged if they aren't the right therapist for you though. There are a bunch out there that'll be just right for you :). I cant afford therapy rn...that's why I downloaded this app, hopefully it works lol :D

Rbheaton, that did help me, thank you!! ?? I just ugh it's so frustrating. Idk how this happened, you know? Genetic? Who knows... I was adopted and I don't think that I'll ever meet my birth parents. I wonder everyday if they have the same issues... But anyways, that makes sense... Everything that you said. It'll never go away but it can be managed. It's still so scary though & yes I should look online for OCD specialists