do not know if it is rocd anymore, or if I do not love my partner

I'm in a similar boat. Its a nightmare. But I think we have to remember that the very fact that its a nightmare and causes so much heartache and stress is a good indication that something is wrong; this isn't just a normal life event. We have ROCD and it's going to take time to recover from it, heal the perceptions brought on by it and re engage with our partners. But we will, and do you know how I know that? Because when they're gone and we hurt, we take they're clothes and hold them while we cry. That's not someone who wants to leave.

@Dolores3 But.. i do not do that 😭 i feel better when im not with him.. because then i Get peace in my head😭

@mev My point about the items is just that you're showing you dont want to leave. You're on an OCD app, and full of anxiety and fear over this worry. If it were a normal life event or something that you truly wanted, you wouldnt be here and you wouldnt have been this upset. The same logic applies. But we cant fight OCD with logic. We just have to let it go, feel bad for awhile (sometimes a very long while) and recover.

@Dolores3 Thank you!

@Dolores3 thanks for the wise words

@mev You're welcome. Were gonna be ok. Just keep going.

I get a stomach ache every time he touches me. I wake up in a panic and everything feels so wrong. yet he is so good to me and can never find one better than him. and I'm pregnant with his baby.

@mev My partner is good to me too... I thought of his flaws way too much and believe that’s why I feel like this... 😞 he makes me food, we watch tv together, and cuddle every night before we go to bed.. but now I feel like I can’t do any of that 😞 I have been like this for going on 4 months now.... sometimes I’m worried I don’t wanna be with him anymore when that’s not true... sometimes my thoughts make me believe I just wanna be friends with him when I know being just friends won’t work... 😞 I’m on Zoloft at the moment and it caused me to feel numb a little bit... sometimes I don’t have thoughts or anxiety so I begin to obsess and testing myself... 😞 been going through soft ROCD for 7 years of our relationship but was able to ignore them... but I remembered all the times I’ve tested myself and it makes me feel like I really don’t love him... I’m scared I’m in denial. Been scared of that for years.... but I believe it’s your hormones messing with you.

@mev I’m going through false attraction as well... so I’m scared to make love to him.

@Mandy7710 I feel just the same as you! I could be me writing this! Wow 😳 i had rocd 10 months now😭 i dont know what to do.. i only been pregnant for 7 weeks.. but i feel that i no, HAVE TO KNOW IF THIS IS WHAT I WANT

@Mandy7710 Same as me😭😭😭

@mev I could only imagine what your going through. I had my first ROCD back in 2014 looking back at it now it’s not as bad as this.. I get headaches badly from obsessing. You know if your scared to lose him. Which sounds like you are. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years now. I’ve always obsessed if I love him or not. I know I am afraid to lose him. I don’t like the idea of dating other men. I don’t like the idea of someone taking my babies place. I want so badly for things to be normal again.. 😞 last night was bad for me bc I’m sitting with no anxiety or thoughts and I’m like welp I know it’s me... I started crying. I always ask him for kisses and cuddles still despite feeling this way.. 😞 but yeah we have to be strong. Sometimes it feels like you don’t have ROCD or ocd at all but it’s still there.

@Mandy7710 but how did you get over it in 2014 ??? I'm so scared this means the end for us. I almost get nauseous just at the thought of having it like this. only one that feels "right" right now. is to leave him. even though I want to be with him

@Mandy7710 but very good to hear that you are still with him, even after so many years. shows that you can live with these thoughts and be a girlfriend.

@mev It was hard for me back then. I ignored it after awhile don’t really know how. 😞 it never went away.. but I just know I love him. I feel the same as you.... the ocd transformed so much lately for me that I feel like it’s not ROCD anymore... I want to be with my guy too very badly... I cry bc I want things to be normal again 😭 don’t leave. It’s your choice. You know you wanna stay with him. The other friend I have has suffered through ROCD for years.. I met her through a forum back in 2014. She knows and believes that I have ROCD which I am hoping she’s right... she says to let the thoughts and feelings sit there. But it’s hard bc the ocd makes it feel like it’s really you which is what I believe I am going through... 😞 she says it doesn’t matter if you stay or go you will still suffer from it. 😞 she told me (you’ll obsess about leaving him) I know I would cry bc I really don’t wanna leave him 😢

@Mandy7710 but how can I know😭 I have come to the point where I no longer know. and I feel relieved to leave .. but think it's because then I release this anxiety .. as you say, it may come up again at a later date.

@Mandy7710 and when he says: I love you. then I say it back, but I feel I'm lying .. but I will love him

@Mandy7710 I think you have ROCD!

@mev thanks for sharing

@mev Anxiety has always took over my life. 😞been I’ve never been completely treated for ocd at all. Right now I am scared to touch him intimately bc of my thoughts.. bc I hear or feel that I don’t want him to touch me when I know I really do want him to touch me 😞 so I am depressed about that... last night I had an anxiety dream of him break up with me... so that didn’t help... I am really getting depressed to where I am over eating... 😞 but that person is right if we wanted to end our relationship we would’ve just ended it and walked away but we know we love our partners. That’s why we are scared..

@Mandy7710 I understand you're having a hard time now. for me it has helped a lot to go for a walk, or to try to be in some form of physical activity. and remember, you're allowed to be a little down now. It's ok

@mev It’s hard for me to wanna do anything 😞 going to work is hard enough for me bc I obsess 😞before all this I was able to make love with him all the time 😞 now I can’t without my brain saying anything... or I can’t say I love him without my brain saying as friends.... 😞 I’m scared to leave the house... I feel like a lier.... I keep testing myself saying I need to tell him the truth and I freak out saying I have been telling him the truth 😞 I am going insane. Last night I felt so numb I didn’t care to feel anything

@Mandy7710 Yes, i feel the numb feeling to😩 like.. i dont care. Even that i know i care

@mev I am so sorry I’m not trying to make things worse for you... I am just scared.... 😞

@Mandy7710 You dont make things Worse. I think that is good that i feel the same! That others are in the same positions as me! And sorry my english, im from Europa😅

@mev It’s okay my other friend with ROCD doesn’t live in America. She has way better English than I do lol. Yeah... it’s good to know your not suffering alone. I’m scared to be around him... but I wanna be around him... 😞 I can’t tell if it’s me anymore.... 😞

@mev I just miss giving him long loving hugs.... 😞 I never wanted this to happen again...

@Mandy7710 Same! Even if he just text me, i Get anxiety.. and if he want to sit with me or kiss

@mev When I try to kiss him I get the feeling I don’t want to 😞 it’s so depressing for me ☹️ I am addicted to kissing him but I can’t even make out with him... I feel like it’s really me...

@Mandy7710 I turn my head when he try to kiss me😩