It’s been a while since I’ve posted - I have been doing moderately well. My biggest obsession were false memory obsessions but since getting over that, I can see however my mind trying to grab many different things to obsess on. It has been mainly around intent. When changing my kids or wiping them when they decide they would rather not use the toilet, my mind is so much more attentive to where my hands are and what my thoughts are. And I recently(last night) had a thought that I knew would instantly latch on to me last night when I was wiping my son. And it had to with just gross stuff where I’d wipe him and my mind would connect his butt with like a typical female butt and I’d see it move because I’m wiping him and I’d get these weird thoughts / phrases in my head. And than I had to wipe again because I mean it was everywhere lol. But now I’m like did I wipe him again because of thought and I wanted to see his butt like move? Like I know that in this moment that seems just like junk to me but I can’t help to wonder what was my true intent or whatever in that moment? I know because this has happened a lot these last few weeks, almost like a new theme or way of obsessing. Because I get very guilty over this stuff and I just want to have a normal interaction where I can wipe my kid and not have a thought or even try to fight the thought and than question my intent. I’m trying to be like well that was weird, let’s move on. Anyone know if this is common? I am just trying to see if I need to label this as junk mail?

Yeah, it’s annoying that I got free from one and now on to the next. And my brain just I guess sexualizes everything when I know I don’t want too. Or plan too. If that makes sense

Hi john! Good to see you, I’ve been wondering how you’ve been. As always, I can relate. I’ve been doing moderately well as well, however, my ocd has been manifesting in this exact way. Every diaper change or bath seems to trigger a new obsession. I am hyper aware of where my hands are as welll and super concerned about my intention behind every wipe, etc. This week I was bathing my daughter and lately I’ve just been avoiding washing her butt or vagina for fear I would over analyze. I decided to not avoid and I went In to clean those areas and instantly was worried I lingered too long down there or spent unnecessary time/ did I unnecessary movement down there. Also this week, my daughter had an explosive bowel movement, and she was throwing a fit as I was changing her. It was everywhere! I was cleaning her up and mid clean I thought “wow this is weird you aren’t triggered” and then all of a sudden, I was 🙃 of course. She had a bit up on the top of her private area, so I swiftly wiped it off and my brain went into panic mode about why I chose to wipe her in that fashion. Last night, we were playing outside and I picked my daughter up and was tipping her upside down. I was holding her legs, and then after she was right side up I had her cradled in my arms, head in the crook of my arm. She started writhing around trying t to get out of my arms and I was holding her upper thigh area to try and get out of my arms. She was starting to throw a fit and to prevent her from falling I was holding her upper thigh Area. She was wiggling and writhing around and changing positions, and my hands were as well trying to prevent her from falling to the ground. But I had the thought/ urge that I could/should/needed to hold her in a way where my hand would be between her legs, grasping her diaper. I always avoid that area, I don’t wanna give my brain anymore opportunity to run wild, it is this exact manuever that what sparked this whole ocd episode for me. So I didn’t do it, (at least I don’t think I did)-but the urge was strong to. And this is the current thing that I’m obsessing over. Why did I have the urge to hold her that way? I almost did it, I was so close to just doing it. I didn’t, but why did I feel like I wanted to? The fact that I had the urge and wasn’t completely terrified by it, terrifies me. Another incident occurred last week where again my daughter was throwing a fit while I was changing her. She kept standing up on the changing table and would not lay down and let me wipe her. It was getting everywhere and she was trying to step in it. She was naked, and kept locking her knees and wouldn’t lay down. Diaper changes are always high anxiety for me, I just want to get them over with so when things like this happen I get super flustered and anxious. I was losing my patience so I took some deep breaths, but she was really testing me. So when she finally let me wipe her, I started freaking out that I wiped her too roughly or maliciously out of my frustration of the whole situation. I also was worried that I used her defiance as an excuse to handle her uneccessarily or roughly while she was naked. I’ve been able to move forward from all of these bothersome scenarios, aside from the urge that occurred last night, because it felt so real. But I swear it’s like the second I stop obsessing over one thing, a brand new one will present itself the next diaper change. It’s so exhausting and relentless. I just wanted to commiserate with you and let you know my ocd has been manifesting in this exact way and latching onto any and every movement that could be deemed questionable in my mind.

Yeah it’s incrediblly annoying. I mean the fact is the thoughts were there, and my sons butt did move cuz I had to wipe hard to get the crap off and I did have that thought and I did wipe again because I needed too. Like I knew it would move again. I just can’t tell if what I did was malicious. I mean I don’t or seek any self gratification and would never maliciously hurt my kids or anyone. But the thought was there. So not sure if I’m just fearful of those situations, so I’m hyper sensitive and than it manifests.

I think that’s what it is. The hyper awareness thing. Most people would not over analyze these things. It’s like the whole thing of whatever you tell your brain not to do/think of, it’s gonna of course do it by default. Or like if you start thinking about a tingling in your hand, you’re gonna feel a tingle in your hand. The mind is a very powerful thing.

It does. I can totally relate! I hate it. The second I get over one, another one immediately latches.

Yeah this I’m just struggling with because I instantly knew in that moment that this would spike me. Like butts jiggle, it’s funny. I’m not trying to get any real gratification out of any of this. How would one deal with that? Just let it be, call it what it is - a weird/intrusive moment and move on?

That happens to me a lot too. I will be super aware of everything and I will know for a fact my ocd is gonna grab onto anything and everything it can, yet there is still no preventing it from happening.

How are you feeling today?

There was a post on the forum of parents with ocd creating a discord maybe joining that would be comforting