I have a question, if you identify as bisexual can you feel sexual atraction for one gender ? But romantically atraction to the other? I'm scared that i don't like men, i really want to have a relationship with a man but I feel that i don't have a sexual atraction and know I'm scared as hell.

Thank you for your kind words, I think i always have the fear that I didn't like boys, in high school I always feel that i like a girl so I was scared, so everyday I go to see the boy that I like, to reforce the idea that I like boys, I think that could be a compulsion.

Sexuality isn’t super fluid or even fluid for everyone

@Ugh it isn’t always, that’s correct, but it can be for a lot of people. there are a lot of ways to feel attraction, particularly for those who identify as bisexual. sexuality is a spectrum, and people with the same identity can express attraction in different ways.

By which I mean, to clarify, that there are plenty of people IN relationships who agree that the relationship is purely romantic instead of sexual and they're ok with it.

@MRR That's the thing, I really want to have a sexual relationship with a guy but I don't, sometimes I feel nothing down there, but there are sometimes that i imagine having sex with a guy and i have a feeling that i like that but not down there, so I'm confused and pretty scared.

Yeah, I try that, until ocd win and we'll, im here.

@Seventeen I get that. I’ve had very similar obsessions to you in the past. Now I have other obsessions :/ The truth is that you may never feel certain even with evidence. So it is continuous work to keep trying to tolerate discomfort.

@dragon_calves Oh and maybe you can think about what it is about a certain sexuality that will get in the way of what you want in life?

@dragon_calves I don't, I think i really want to have a relationship (with sex and everything) with a guy, my anxiety is in the freaking sky.

@Seventeen You don’t what? Not sure what you mean :) does it matter what your sexuality is if you want a relationship with a guy?

@dragon_calves I don't know hahaha sorry!!!!!

@Seventeen I just wonder what, for example, would prevent a lesbian from having a relationship with a guy?

@dragon_calves I guess not feeling anything? I don't know, I'm really scared.

@Seventeen So fear of feeling anything would be the barrier. And that is scary because we want to feel something. Sounds like you really value having enjoyable relationships which is positive and at the same time it is making you put so much pressure on yourself. Couldn’t a 100% straight woman also not feel anything with a man? Or a 100% lesbian woman feel something with a man? My point is that lots of things can be true at the same time. You may never know your true sexuality and that doesn’t mean you can’t live according to your values.

@dragon_calves It’ll take practice to sit with “I don’t know if I like men or women and I’m still going to pursue men because that is what I want to do right now.”

@dragon_calves I will try that, because I was fine just daydreaming about having a relationship with boys and having sex with girls, but now, what if I'm lesbian? What if i don't like boys? And today I try to mastur... With boys and i literally feel nothing.

@dragon_calves And I'm a virgin, I haven't even give a first kiss to nobody, how could I know?

@Seventeen It doesn’t matter if you have experience or not. Many people with HOCD have a bunch of experience and they have the same thoughts you do. The truth is no amount of evidence can give you 100% certainty about your sexuality. For example, feeling something with a girl doesn’t mean you are a lesbian. It is all uncertain and you need to live with that. It sounds like you are engaging in compulsions to determine who you like. It is so hard to resist the urge, I know. But it engaging in compulsions will help you long term :)

@dragon_calves I meant NOT engaging in compulsions :)

@dragon_calves Ok, i will try, i feel like i have never have a sexual feeling with a guy, i have but they are too little compare with the thing that i feel with a girl in my imagination, im ok being bisexual but I'm not ok being lesbian, I really don't want to. I'm sorry for being annoying

@Seventeen Not annoying, you are in so much distress. I hope you realize that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Definitely consider therapy and maybe meds if you feel you cannot cope by yourself :)

@dragon_calves I will try, thank you so much, I was going to write that all of this sounds like I'm a lesbian, so you could told me "of course not" but I resist, I want to cry, a lot, but its ok. Thank you so much.!!!!!!!

@Seventeen That is awesome that you were able to resist that compulsion! It just provides more evidence of how strong you are :)

@dragon_calves Thabk you, I'm feeling pretty anxious but it's going to be ok