So.. This got worse and worse.. I am awake for 34 hours, I feel so tired but dont want to sleep.. The thoughts are stronger than ever and now the focus is my niece and that is unacceptable.. I cant even think about her without something sexual atached to it.. I wont pretend these thoughts don't mean anything because they do.. That from day to night I became a monster.. Worse than that even... She is whats most important to me and I need to protect her. One week ago was really bad, but were minor things.. Now its the only thing that cant happen that comes to mind.. How did this happen? I just don't know anymore if I have POCD or just a pedo/monster.

Thank you for your words. But the problem is I don't see a doctor in 15 years.. So I really don't know what I have.. I think its POCD because it started with a stupid thought about hurting a child and I freaked out and thought about it all day..the next day it got worse, me being a pedophile.. I obsessed with it cause it scares me to death, but the more I did, the worse it got.. Now I can't go near children, I get nervous when I see one, avoid them, I check my groin everytime whenever I get a thought or see a child.. I even avoid children on TV But its getting worse day after day.. To the point only those horrific images show up no matter what im doing or watching all the time.. And I think about these thoughts over and over again, which makes them worse and stronger, argue with myself, hear a voice trying to distort everything, even my memories are distorted I got to the point where I think about a child masturbating on purpose which is horrible to me just to check my groin and be sure I don't get an erection.. And I don't.. Does that mean that I'm not a pedo? Would a pedo have an erection just by thinking about a child masturbate? Im 30 and never did anything or thought about a child like that. Hell, I checked my groin while writing this just to make sure.. It pains me writing this up..😢