Being married with SOOCD is depressing enough to make me want to stay in bed all day. I’m a terrible wife and will probably never be fulfilled

I dont have this subtype, and I still agree with this. I feel attracted to women, but not enough to say I'm bi... but my husband is still my guy, the one I want to be with forever etc... even when I've fantasized about other women. Well put

The thing is, I don’t even think I am more attracted to women? I never notice women on the street, want to talk to them, anything. So this whole thing is based on porn and I HATE IT! It’s just annoying

@wellwellwell I don’t mean to provide reassurance, but porn preferences are not the end all be all in determining sexuality. I think there is research showing many heterosexual women prefer lesbian porn. So who knows? Maybe you are lesbian, maybe you are in the middle? Maybe you are straight? Sit with the not knowing.

@dragon_calves I guess. It’s just uncomfortable to always identify one way but worry you’re the ofher

@wellwellwell I know that all too well. Seriously, I’m frequently in that position. And I’m sorry that is how things are for you. I will say that practicing the “who cares what I am?” perspectives makes this easier long term. I’m guessing you don’t want to live based on what OCD thinks is most important.

Do you like sex now

Been in rel. For 7 years here too. Things get worse before they get better sometimes,.. for me there was a big reality shock for about a year that we've both been struggling for so long... we love each other but we've definitely had some bad, rocky, "maybe we should stop all of this and reconsider our lives" times. I think the biggest realization can become the sadness that it was never the relationship having problems in the first place.. and that it was a TREATABLE ILLNESS that nobody ever knew how to help or what it was or that it was separate from what really mattered to both of us originally... We're in the times of OCD treatment changing in the world, historically this has never been available before in a platform like this... being on the forefront of changes in mental Healthcare personally can be liberating as well as heart wrenching, but it's a positive direction--- no matter the uncertainty of whether "things will get better".

@MaraNOCD Thank you for your response I struggle daily with marriage I try to talk it out with my husband and he hates talking alot he's very quiet to himself and I'm like dying practically to blab because I feel like that's the only way to stop the dang thoughts

I’m ready to be done. This has gone on for too long

I can’t do this forever

I avoid sex, I hate myself, I’m ready to give up and I’m only 22

I am but it honestly hasn’t helped at all. It’s telehealth and I feel like I don’t see him enough and I’m not getting enough guidance. I’m just using Reddit to ask people what to do bc I feel really alone

@wellwellwell It sounds like you are super overwhelmed. Does he offer ERP or are you guys working with another therapy?

@Emma It’s erp but it’s telehealth and he never really gave me direction as to where to start

@wellwellwell Have you told him how you're feeling lost and need more support? Maybe you can look at adding more sessions and making a self care plan

@Emma He’s really booked up so I’m not sure it’s feasible

@wellwellwell Are you dealing with thoughts of self harm at all? I'm not asking this to judge, but it sounds like you might want to let him know if that is the case

@Emma I don’t think so. I just feel really really depressed

@wellwellwell It sounds super tough :( OCD is awful. I ended up scheduling nice things along with my ERP. Like I have a little list for the week, and it includes ERP but also things like going for walks, and enjoyable activities. Having them on the same list makes me realize they are both so important to my well being

@Emma That sounds really smart. I want to get better, I’m just convinced my recovery means accepting in gay

@wellwellwell Same here!! It can feel so triggering. I just started therapy and my therapist recommended me two books for those kind of thoughts. The Imp of the Mind, and Freedom from OCD by Jonathan Grayson. I'm going to order them ASAP. Seems like a lot of other experts recommend them if you want to take a look

@Emma Sounds like a good idea

@wellwellwell Thank you!!

@wellwellwell It's honestly easier knowing someone else shares the same thoughts! Btw I have found a ton of helpful information when I Google "cognitive distortions ocd"

@Emma I’ll try that too. My problem is some of the evidence I’ve compiled is quite convincing and is quite hard to overcome

@wellwellwell That's normal! It comes in baby steps. Knowing where you're at is one of the firstà

@Emma That’s valid, I’m trying my best

Exactly!

My best friend is married to a man that identifies as closer to gay than anything. He doesn’t have OCD or is questioning. He loves his wife and wants to be with her. His personal choice. Also, he enjoys sex with his wife if that gives you any indication of how complex sexuality is :) he does miss the opportunity for gay sex on occasion but is clear that he did what he wanted.

5 years