- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry for your struggle but believe that you are stronger than the average person because of it. You have lived through what no one should. You should feel honored being who you are every day. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
It can be very diffilxult. There have been periods where I struggle to get out of my head and ‘control’ intimate encounters, develop an addiction, and then bad thoughts rise for a period and I’m either not interested or just sometimes sexually neutered. Having said that, a lot has had to be said for me being a whole lot more ‘able’ when I let the thoughts be there. VERY hard to do when it makes you feel like the perpetrator though, although I don’t fret I will become that. OCD can take my sex life hostage, making it a thing to perform in and ‘master’. It stay stuck regardless of success/failure/experience/mood. It just kills it. We had a second child recently so there was a bit of a break understandably for my partner, which is when these thoughts creep in. I feel a bit pathetic talking about how it affects me but.......I guess that’s how it’s manifested. I just wish I could be better at just letting go. I don’t know why I just can’t let go. It must be tough for your bf dianaaa. Seeing my busier everyday would have driven me to commit GBH or something by now. No way I could keep that inside. How does he cope? I’m going to a survivors group in January. I’ve dealt with this twice before and last time was a decade ago so I think another layer has arisen (maybe because my eldest is the same age I was - perhaps that was what triggered the OCD this time around). Thanks for listening I needed to offload. God I love everyone here. You’ve all been so instrumental to my healing
- Date posted
- 6y
Isai I apologise as I hijacked your thread? Don’t take the guilt on yourself. Lay that shit where it firmly belongs. I know that is difficult to do though, guilt tends to manifest in some indirect way rather than a simple ‘it’s my fault I was taken advantage of’. I think a lot of people have guilt around telling and the impact it will have on other family members, or guilt that if they don’t say anything then they are to blame if someone else falls prey. A lot like ocd neither are true but both feel very real. But put yourself first here: you have been taken advantage of, and that needs healing. Anyone who puts that on you in any way is a coward and not fit for purpose. This is not, and will never be your fault.
- Date posted
- 6y
Have you told anyone? OCD makes me and everyone doubt even the clearest things. But you know this is a real memory. What are your plans about what to do?
- Date posted
- 6y
It is certainly inappropriate behaviour with a child. My condolences as I experienced violation as younger. Although it’s only the ocd themes around my last that bother me. The actual sexual abuse doesn’t bother me at all - which is fucked up i know
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s just confusing and has me questioning myself it’s like my ocd or my head it’s trying to make me feel like I wasn’t justified in saying it was molestation and that I’m in the wrong for telling my family and that I’m lying.. idk if that’s normal I’ve been told that guilt is normal with sexual abuse victims but everything keeps telling me I’m lying and told for attention when it happened and makes me uncomfortable to think about.
- Date posted
- 6y
Your boyfriend was molested too? See - it’s awful that it happens to anyone but boys get interfered with WAY more than the media would have you believe. Tell him he is a warrior - it’s been the biggest battle of my life. Especially when you parent yourself and it all comes back
- Date posted
- 6y
My family knows, I’ve talked to my mom about it and my guilt and she of course told me I shouldn’t feel that way. I just hope I can move past this and find I’m not in the wrong no matter how much my head feels I am.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes it’s normal. But you have to push past it to be justified. I promise it will be better. Please do this. You can begin healing and the truth always lifts burdens off of your shoulders, always. Please don’t keep paying attention to the guilt and doubt, please tell someone. My boyfriend had to do the same and he doesn’t even have ocd.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for your words. I was the first one he ever told. Boys are stereotyped so much, ppl think they either don’t get molested or should be man enough to get over it but both of those are complete crap. I will tell him - it bothers me a lot bc it is his brother and nothing happened when we told anyone. And I see his brother a lot and he sees him every day. Terrible
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s okay, we all need to vent sometimes. Yeah I just wish it wasn’t guilt in the sense of doing my abuser wrong or like I shouldn’t feel how I do. Thank you for talking with me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.
- Date posted
- 22w
I have a dear friend who happens to be fat. I like to tease him because he's a bit shy but it's playful not disrespectful. One day I was messing around with him and I thought it would be funny because he was very fat to act like a creep and reach out with my hands with the grabbing motion as a joke, and I think I playfully pinched his man boobs (I don't really remember but I suppose I did that). It was a joke and I didnt really put much thought to it when I did that as I didn't have ill intent, but I still made him uncomfortable, I'm afraid he felt molested and that I did SA. Even though man boobs are not a se&ual body part I still should have not done that. One day I put an arm around him nothing weird and he told me he was uncomfortable with physical touch, so from then I understood where he was coming from. So I respected his wish and I stopped having physical contact with him entirely. Now lately I've been overwhelmed with a big guilt and a lot of anxiety over what I did that day. I stopped with the fat jokes and just started being more thoughtful with my approach as a friend, just giving him advices, but without trying to make him change anything or making him feel bad abt himself or give unwarranted critics as I did before. We kept being good friends despite that awkward event, and he probably forgot it and it doesn't weigh to him as much as it does for me for what I did. After some time when I was overwhelmed with guilt after realising what I did despite not having bad or se&ual intention, I apologised profusely for what I did that day and he was very chill and told me "relax, don't worry abt it, really". We went to the movies together and I bought him a nice present for his birthday that he appreciated a lot. I still feel guilt. I can't let this one go and I'm sure that you guys agree what I did was very wrong and I agree. Nothing changed, we're good friends. But I feel like I commited SA. It's a guilt that I can't let go and probably shouldnt. I feel ashamed. Even though I try to reassure myself because we have the same circle of friends and they touch me inappropriately all the time as a gay joke and they do that between themselves and do not think much abt it, and one time my same friend did laugh in the car when my other friend kept touching me inappropriately as a joke. I don't know. I don't ask for reassurance and forgiveness. I'm not the type of person to self-absolve his own sins. Just telling this because I think people should know what I did.
- Date posted
- 16w
I have a dear friend of mine who happens to be fat, and no shame in that, I just like to tease him because he's a bit shy, but it's playful not disrespectful. Like I used to tap his belly as a joke, i stopped that though. One day I was messing around with him and I thought it would be funny, because he was fat, to act like a creep and reach out with my hands with the grabbing motion as a joke, and I think I playfully pinched his man boobs (I don't really remember but I suppose and it's very probable that I did that). I wasn't really thinking much abt it, for me his man boobs were the same as touching his belly: funny, neutral and harmless. But I tried to pinch myself and I didn't like it, i think it feels violating and I'm afraid that's how he really felt. It was a joke and I didnt really put much thought to it when I did that as I didn't have ill intent, but I still made him uncomfortable, I'm afraid he actually felt molested and that I did SA. well he did say he felt molested but not in a very serious tone, but more like a midly uncomfortable awkward tone, like "pause, don't do that", and i was ok, but it didnt cross my mind until much later. i didnt mean it to make him feel that way, it was something fun like a tease, so for that I apologised much later when i realised it and the guilt was eating me, and then he said not to worry abt it. but it doesnt that change that i made him feel molested, i think it's because he's too nice. even though it was a joke. i take it as a lesson not to cross boundaries that have not been set yet, to be careful in the future to do physical touches as a joke, even though it might be normalized in the friend group. I hope it's just that and not something more serious like SA because I really didnt mean it that way, like im not even gay, but still. there wasnt much intention, but more like an impulsive joke that resulted inappropriate without me realising. Even though man boobs are not a se&ual body part I still should have not done that. One day I put an arm around him nothing weird and he told me he was uncomfortable with physical touch, so from then I understood where he was coming from. So I respected his wish and I stopped having physical contact with him entirely. Now lately I've been overwhelmed with a big guilt and a lot of anxiety over what I did that day. I stopped with the fat jokes and just started being more thoughtful with my approach as a friend, just giving him advices, but without trying to make him change anything or making him feel bad abt himself or give unwarranted critics as I did before. We kept being good friends despite that awkward event, and he probably forgot it and it doesn't weigh to him as much as it does for me for what I did. After some time when I was overwhelmed with guilt after realising what I did despite not having bad or se&ual intention, I apologised profusely for what I did that day and he was very chill and told me "relax, don't worry abt it, really". We went to the movies together and I bought him a nice present for his birthday that he appreciated a lot. He regularly talks with me without any problems, he supports me etc... I still feel guilt. I can't let this one go and I'm sure that you guys agree what I did was very wrong and I agree. Nothing changed, we're good friends. But I feel like I commited SA. It's a guilt that I can't let go and probably shouldnt. I feel ashamed. Even though I try to reassure myself because we have the same circle of friends and they touch me inappropriately all the time as a gay joke and they do that between themselves and do not think much abt it, and one time my same friend did laugh in the car when my other friend kept touching me inappropriately as a joke. I don't know. I don't ask for reassurance and forgiveness. I'm not the type of person to self-absolve his own sins. Recently I asked him abt it again and he didn't remember and preferred not to talk abt it. He mentioned to me that another friend, which I dislike because he's a creep, saw him and squeezed his chest and you could he didn't like that at all; i don't think he did it lightly, knowing that guy i think he did it hardly. Now I'm obsessing that if I actually did it, if I did it hard, which i didnt think so.
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