- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry for your struggle but believe that you are stronger than the average person because of it. You have lived through what no one should. You should feel honored being who you are every day. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
It can be very diffilxult. There have been periods where I struggle to get out of my head and ‘control’ intimate encounters, develop an addiction, and then bad thoughts rise for a period and I’m either not interested or just sometimes sexually neutered. Having said that, a lot has had to be said for me being a whole lot more ‘able’ when I let the thoughts be there. VERY hard to do when it makes you feel like the perpetrator though, although I don’t fret I will become that. OCD can take my sex life hostage, making it a thing to perform in and ‘master’. It stay stuck regardless of success/failure/experience/mood. It just kills it. We had a second child recently so there was a bit of a break understandably for my partner, which is when these thoughts creep in. I feel a bit pathetic talking about how it affects me but.......I guess that’s how it’s manifested. I just wish I could be better at just letting go. I don’t know why I just can’t let go. It must be tough for your bf dianaaa. Seeing my busier everyday would have driven me to commit GBH or something by now. No way I could keep that inside. How does he cope? I’m going to a survivors group in January. I’ve dealt with this twice before and last time was a decade ago so I think another layer has arisen (maybe because my eldest is the same age I was - perhaps that was what triggered the OCD this time around). Thanks for listening I needed to offload. God I love everyone here. You’ve all been so instrumental to my healing
- Date posted
- 6y
Isai I apologise as I hijacked your thread? Don’t take the guilt on yourself. Lay that shit where it firmly belongs. I know that is difficult to do though, guilt tends to manifest in some indirect way rather than a simple ‘it’s my fault I was taken advantage of’. I think a lot of people have guilt around telling and the impact it will have on other family members, or guilt that if they don’t say anything then they are to blame if someone else falls prey. A lot like ocd neither are true but both feel very real. But put yourself first here: you have been taken advantage of, and that needs healing. Anyone who puts that on you in any way is a coward and not fit for purpose. This is not, and will never be your fault.
- Date posted
- 6y
Have you told anyone? OCD makes me and everyone doubt even the clearest things. But you know this is a real memory. What are your plans about what to do?
- Date posted
- 6y
It is certainly inappropriate behaviour with a child. My condolences as I experienced violation as younger. Although it’s only the ocd themes around my last that bother me. The actual sexual abuse doesn’t bother me at all - which is fucked up i know
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s just confusing and has me questioning myself it’s like my ocd or my head it’s trying to make me feel like I wasn’t justified in saying it was molestation and that I’m in the wrong for telling my family and that I’m lying.. idk if that’s normal I’ve been told that guilt is normal with sexual abuse victims but everything keeps telling me I’m lying and told for attention when it happened and makes me uncomfortable to think about.
- Date posted
- 6y
Your boyfriend was molested too? See - it’s awful that it happens to anyone but boys get interfered with WAY more than the media would have you believe. Tell him he is a warrior - it’s been the biggest battle of my life. Especially when you parent yourself and it all comes back
- Date posted
- 6y
My family knows, I’ve talked to my mom about it and my guilt and she of course told me I shouldn’t feel that way. I just hope I can move past this and find I’m not in the wrong no matter how much my head feels I am.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes it’s normal. But you have to push past it to be justified. I promise it will be better. Please do this. You can begin healing and the truth always lifts burdens off of your shoulders, always. Please don’t keep paying attention to the guilt and doubt, please tell someone. My boyfriend had to do the same and he doesn’t even have ocd.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for your words. I was the first one he ever told. Boys are stereotyped so much, ppl think they either don’t get molested or should be man enough to get over it but both of those are complete crap. I will tell him - it bothers me a lot bc it is his brother and nothing happened when we told anyone. And I see his brother a lot and he sees him every day. Terrible
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s okay, we all need to vent sometimes. Yeah I just wish it wasn’t guilt in the sense of doing my abuser wrong or like I shouldn’t feel how I do. Thank you for talking with me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
- Date posted
- 21w
Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty
- Date posted
- 13w
How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an ‘intrusive thought’ where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking ‘what if’ and ‘what is this’ and then that intrusive thought turned into me ‘remembering’ something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ‘details’ and what nots. and I’ve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and It’s like I’ve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk
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