I’m scared I’m evil but just really good at hiding it from people. I have bad thoughts and a lot of anger towards people as well as jealousy. But I try to let this slide. I’m so scared.

Do you also worry about other people thinking you’re bad? :(

@garden Yes all the time. So much.. It's hard isn't it? And others don't worry about such details. Are you in treatment right now? 😊❤️ Wishing you a wonderful day

@ButterflyStar Wishing you a wonderful day too! I’m not in treatment. I’m actually not diagnosed either! Are you?

@garden Ohh really? Is there a reason? Are you worried to go to the doctor? Yes I am in treatment now for 1 year and 10 months actually. Thanks for replying to me 😊

@ButterflyStar Thanks for replying aswell! I’m honestly just too lazy to research good therapists. I think I’d want to see an OCD specialist, but because I’m not currently diagnosed, that doesn’t feel right. I just worry a regular therapist wouldn’t understand me enough. My OCD is annoyingly complex... just like everyone’s I guess! Also it’s quite expensive so there’s that. I hope you’ve been finding treatment useful! :)

@garden Okay! I know it can feel very daunting. However I'm sure you know, that we need treatment for things to improve and help us. Especially when the OCD is affecting our daily living so much and ability to enjoy life. I suppose then maybe it would be a question of how much does this affect you? Some people even are totally fine living in life controlled around obsessions and compulsions. But I think that is a small minority. Here on this app, the nocd therapists are specifically trained in OCD, and I've heard nothing but great feedback about them! They will even meet your financial needs which is so awesome. Also if therapy is far too expensive for you right now, I would suggest some good books on OCD that are self help, available via Amazon. 😊♥️

@ButterflyStar Thanks! I do have a couple books I’ve bought about OCD that I should read actually. As for NOCD therapy, I live in the UK so it’s unavailable sadly :( My OCD isn’t good. I spend around 75% of my day obsessing. And then throughout that I reassure myself or seek it on here or from other people. Google too. But it IS bearable. Like I could live my life like this... it’d just suck. I can’t go out and expect to have fun if I haven’t done a compulsion or two prior. But the point is that I can go out. And I can be with people or go to school or whatever. It’s not all that debilitating. I’m just miserable and scared and guilty

@garden I understand 😊 I'm in the UK too. My therapist is actually throigh the NHS. I just went to my GP and explained what was happening. He didn't understand, but it didn't matter becaause he could clearly see I still need CBT therapy and put the referral through. It's there at the CBT assessment is where they will be able to see your symptoms 😊 Would you like to do that?

@ButterflyStar I actually tried my GP. I wrote him 3 pages on why I wanted to go to CAMHS but he never responded hahah. I truly just don’t think I’m bad enough yet! It’s hard because I’ll stay in this limbo where I’m not happy but not totally terrible